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teen stepdaughter wants a baby!

154 replies

talcyone · 22/03/2007 13:46

Just wanted to share
16 year old sd wants a baby
plans to be pg by september
Wants to know if i prefer gran or nan
bugger!

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Charleesunnysunsun · 22/03/2007 14:11

I'm not saying that it's ok for everyone to have kids, what i am saying is that if it's a well planned thought out decision and you are willing to take the responsibility of it then there is no reason why you shouldn't have kids whatever your age.

I didn't have mummy and daddy to bail me out my dp works his arse off to support us and i have to in between each pregnancy. I am 20 now and privatley rent a property which we pay for ourselves. The only finacial support we get will be disability benifit for DS1 if we are entitled to it, but that's nothing to do with it.

misdee · 22/03/2007 14:11

i think the fact she is telling you this may mean she wants you to say no dont do it.

talcyone · 22/03/2007 14:12

MMH two girls 6 and 8

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talcyone · 22/03/2007 14:13

I think you are right misdee

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Rhubarb · 22/03/2007 14:13

Charlee and Kitty, this girl is not doing this because she is a secure person who feels a child will compliment her lifestyle. She is doing it to fill a hole in her life that should be filled by her mother.

talcyone · 22/03/2007 14:13

Or she wants me to break it to her dad?

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madmarchhare · 22/03/2007 14:15

I was thinking that if they were younger she could stay with you for a while, never leave your side. You could bore her out of it.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 22/03/2007 14:15

i dont get that, how does becoming a mother fill the whole lack of one leaves?
i'm not sating you arewrong, btw, farfrom it, i justdont get it! explain!

LadyOfTheFlowers · 22/03/2007 14:15

hole even! christ!

madmarchhare · 22/03/2007 14:16

Agree that she is doing it to create her own family

Rhubarb · 22/03/2007 14:16

talcyone, you are right, she needs a mother figure, are you up for it?

piglit · 22/03/2007 14:16

Good posts custy.

flamey · 22/03/2007 14:19

LOTF - I guess its a case of you know the love and care you should be having, and in some obscure way you try to fill the hole by being that mother iyswim

talcyone · 22/03/2007 14:19

Good post everybody
It's such an emotive subject
I often wish i had had my baby

Rhubarb, i think i am up for it, yes!
Will phone this eve and post the response.

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motherinferior · 22/03/2007 14:20

Yes, some 16 year olds have babies and go on and do brilliantly. I've got a friend like that.

But I can tell you I wouldn't have been one of them.

Rhubarb · 22/03/2007 14:21

No to phone calls - you need a meeting with her, her boyfriend, you and her dad.

Otherwise whatever you say will be ignored.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 22/03/2007 14:21

oooh.. thanks flamey. just wondering because its bloody hardwork andsometimes a mother wants her mother! lol

talcyone · 22/03/2007 14:22

What if i explain to her that it is a desperate plea, at least until i get to see her?
Which will be at the end of easter hols

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LoveMyGirls · 22/03/2007 14:24

I got pg at 16 (had dd1 when i was 17 and a half) - not a good idea. Dd1 wasn't planned and i have managed but theres no way i'd have planned a baby at that age.

I will list the reasons i regret having a baby so young if you like and you can show them to her?

I was very lonely - im not a naturally lonely person before pg i was very popular but once i'd had dd i didn't have many visitors once the novelty wore off. I couldn't go to m&t because i was looked down on and pitied.

My mum told me not to expect any help from her so I couldn't go out whenever I liked because there wasn't always a babysitter - I spent my 18th birthday in on my own for this very reason. (my mum has supported me at times when ive been very low but she couldnt give me money cus she didnt have any and i cudnt always have her time because she works full time)

I had no money - i really do mean NO MONEY, i never went out because i couldn't afford it, i could barely afford all the things dd needed which made me feel like such a failure.

I will NEVER know what its like to be an adult without children - I won't know if i would have gone travelling or gone clubbing in ibiza or snowboarding or had a high flying career. I don't know if I would have chosen to never have children.

Housing and benefits is a NIGHTMARE - it honestly isn't easy to get money - they don't owe it to you, its catch 22 constantly, can't work because you've got a baby, no qualifications, no experience, no transport.

Until you are 18 benefits agency expect your parents to finacially support you and baby - i got £40 a week to pay my bills, food and everything dd needed until i was 18 then it went up to £80 - still nothing compared to what you could be earning and the waiting around in the dss is depressing, they mess your payments up all the time you can go in there on your knee's begging and crying and it won't make any difference - and why should she get this help for putting herself in this situation unless her boyfriend is very clever and can earns loads of money - even if he does theres absolutly nothing to say he wont walk out after finding out its not a bed of roses there she is left on her own in a rough area with a tiny baby to support with £40 a week - not a situation i'd CHOOSE to put myself in again i can tell you.

Even the strongest of relationships can crumble under the pressure of a new baby even when you are both mature enough to handle it. I'm on my 3rd serious relationship since having dd1. The first was with her father who turned out to be scum even though he promised he would stand by me and support me - he never brought her a thing and wouldn't come and see her on her first day home because it was raining - he had just turned 20 at the time (immature wanker). The 2nd could see i was vunerable and he took full advantage and abused me it took 3 yrs of counselling to get over it. The 3rd is an angel and has made my life right in so many ways but it would have been so much easier if i'd set my life up first - nice bloke, nice house, nice car, a few nice holidays etc then brought children into that. Rather than the rough area, damp flat, no money, abusive boyfriends etc etc etc etc

I really would lend her a baby for a few days and see how she likes it.

Rhubarb · 22/03/2007 14:24

Why can't you see her now?

Tbh, I don't think she'll listen to you alone. You need to act quickly or it'll be too late.

Rhubarb · 22/03/2007 14:25

Infuriating things with teens is that you can TELL them stuff until you are blue in the face but they still think that it will be different for them.

Tortington · 22/03/2007 14:28

bedfordshire TPU ring them

talcyone · 22/03/2007 14:29

Lovemygirls,thankyou.

I think u r right rhubarb
She has lots of friend who are teen mums,
her older friend is a worry and a bad infuence(took her for a tattoo recently)
(not that i mind tattoos)
She needs to come and stay here for awhile

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talcyone · 22/03/2007 14:31

I can just hear her now custardo
"yeah, i know"

Oooh this is so infuriating

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Blandmum · 22/03/2007 14:31

Rhubarb, you are 100% correct.

I just spent my lunch break helping a sixth form student who failed his first exam.

At the start of the year I warned them that if they didn't revise for AS they would FAIL.

Some of them take it on board, most do not.

God strike me dead but honestly I enjoyed saing 'I told you so' to him. He's working now.

They are all so sure that the bad stuff just happens to other people. And adults are all half wits who know nothing