Did this happen on its own?

[Crowdblundering]

AARHH!!! Soooo pissed off.

Just noticed bloody curtain in our back lounge is totally bent and pulled out of its bracket and the plaster on the wall is all cracked and pulled off.

OH is like "oh I can't imagine how that's happened" and I'm like I am not accusing your kids BUT poles do not just bend and get ripped out of the fucking wall on their own - do they? Or am I a bitch step mother in suspecting them - it is where they sleep.

They are 12 and 10 and really fucking tall - I just wish he would back me up in zero tolerance to the destruction of our home

I'm going to also add my voice to those saying that dsc should have their own room in nrp's house.
My ds has stopped sleeping at his dad's as he has nowhere private to sleep and shares with his younger dbs (8 and 6). At 12yrs old he really needs his privacy. He has nothing of his own at his dad's house, despite my insistence. He used to have a camp bed in his brothers' bedroom but they've bought the 8yr old a double bed which last time my son had to share when he visits. It really makes him feel like shit.
And those calling Raccoon all sorts of slurs should be ashamed of themselves and take a long hard look at themselves. Her calling another poster vile does not even come close to some of the insinuations made about her and it's disingenuous to suggest so.

When I met him they had no where to see him as he lived on base.

Sounds like that was a good while ago though. Couldn't he have sorted out somewhere with a bedroom for them by now? Also, is he contributing to your rent/mortgage? I really hope so.

crowdblundering I think you'll probably have to reevaluate the sleeping arangements for your dsc very soon. There's a big difference between preteens and teens. It would be a shame if visits trickled off because the girls felt uncomfortable with sleeping arrangements as they get older.
So maybe this discussion, as difficult as it's been for you, might be a catalyst to some changes?

The bedroom thing.

My Dad moved into a two bedroom house with his dw and her son, my db shared the room with stepbrother and I was put on a camp bed in my dad and stepmum so bedroom.

We went from having a bedroom and every weekend with Dad as he lived in same town, to once or twice a month. I hated it, they'd make Complain about setting the camp bed up, arguing about whose turn it is, faffing around trying to find bedding, teamed with the reduced contact I felt like I was an annoyance to them both, and the fact they hadn't thought to set my bed up before I got there, or sort clean bedding in advance reinforced that he didn't really think about us much. Out of sight, out of mind.

A few times I complained about lack of privacy, I'll never forget when I was 12 and had my period, I woke on the morning knowing I'd leaked, stepmum wanted me to leave the bedroom so she could get dressed, I asked if she could use the bathroom instead and was bollocked by Dad for being rude, it's her home not mine, I should do what she says, when I said I was reluctant to get out of the camp bed, dad told me to stop being ridiculous and stepmum sighed at having extra laundry.

Any complaints about seeing him a lot less he'd say that he has to travel half an hour each way and it's too much to expect him to do it every week as he needs to spend time with his wife.

Tbf, it wasn't just the bedroom thing that Dad allowed us to be treated so differently on though so maybe that made the bedroom thing feel worse than pps suggest is reasonable? I felt very much like an unwanted guest rather than equal to my stepbrother though and when I became a stepmum I didn't want dss feeling like that and would have permanently set up our second living room as a bedroom if needed, he had his own place by the time dd was ready for her own room so wasn't an issue for us in the end.

Your adult DC will prob be thinking of moving with their partners or just renting their own place so they coukd their own room soon anyway? I think I'd ask the adults not to have their partners staying over the few nights a month the dsc are there, just to reduce the amount of people there at one time, if you have seven adults and two DC sounds squished and I'd be stressed as fuck :)

No with paying half our mortgage and paying for his room on base and travelling and paysing maintenance we cannot afford to buy a bigger house. How is that incomprehensible to people on MN?

Are we in the Twilight zone?!

Young adults moving out?! Are you kidding me? Zero hours contracts and extortionate rent - that is not an easy ask.

And no we are not squashed - the older kids are at work and mainly come back at night to sleep or for a Sunday roast - we are all quite happy and used to it.

They have their own stuff here and they have their own drawer of clothes their own towels their own mugs and cups etc - We do our best

How is that incomprehensible to people on MN

It's not. You just hadn't explained it before. How can people comprehend details they haven't been told?

But really I do think you're going to have to find a better solution to the bedroom situation. Roofspace conversion, downstairs extension, you and DH taking the living room when the girls stay and giving them your bedroom. They are going to need privacy that a living room just can't offer. Or else make the living room a permanent bedroom that is off limits to the rest of the family so the girls can keep personal belongings there when they aren't there.

But crowd you don't need a bigger house. You have two lounges! Priorities!?

My post was never about our sleeping arrangements which everyone is happy with.

No your post was about badly behaved stepkids but when you look deeper maybe there is a reason they are badly behaved.

He is in the army so what he gets paid enough to have better living quaters for his kids. By the way i work within mod so i know he has options. He just chooses not to for 6 fucking years. He is a shit dad.

He is not in the army.

Crowd is ignoring her 2 lounges. The step kids dont deserve to have a room.

Please afford people the respect you request yourself.

You took great offence to people alluding to you having mental health issues yet you deem it ok to label my partner a "shit dad".

You said he pays for a room on base??? So is he army raf???

My post was never about our sleeping arrangements

No, but threads evolve. Never once have I seen a MN thread that sticks strictly to the original point of the post. It's not how conversation works.

He is not in the army.

It's called derailing not evolving.

So he pays to live on base. Is he not employed by the mod?

Not derailed you said kids destroyed your lounge curtain then you said they sleep in the lounge. It is all connected to your posts.

Not providing a bedroom for your kids is pretty shitty. If he is paying half the mortgage on your house then I think his kids should be at least entitled to a bedroom. How many bedrooms are your kids using? The ones of working age who could actually contribute to the mortgage? Oh and their partners who stay?

At the moment, perhaps.
To address the damage to your lounge. I'd be cross if any of my dc caused damage like that (although it's not exactly a definite you dsc caused it) But it would be tempered with the following...
Most likely not malicious and just larking about. Kids do that at your dsc's age.
Probably too scared to explain what happened. Not necessarily because you're formiddable etc but because they're aware they've done something silly/wrong.
I'm guessing they spend more time in that room as whilst they're with you, it's "their" space. More opportunity for an accident. Bedroom curtains are normally short wheras these are possibly floor length and likely to get accidentally trodden on or pulled.
It's just plaster. Seriously. It's fixable. Relationships with dc are much harder to mend. You sounded quite angry and resentful in your op. That's why peeople are questioning your step parenting as a whole.
Your dh might be waiving his parental duties (quite a big problem) but you are a step mother. Speak to the kids, find out what happened. Parent your dsc. Calmly and without resentment. Then deal with dh being an arse.

He pays for the house they live in where they have a room each...so they are to have two bedrooms?

In his shoes I'd stop paying half your mortgage and rent somewhere my kids could have a bedroom. Not sure why he paying to keep your house available to him when it really doesn't accommodate his family.