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Original poster

Did this happen on its own?

398 replies

Crowdblundering · 18/01/2017 18:47

AARHH!!! Soooo pissed off.

Just noticed bloody curtain in our back lounge is totally bent and pulled out of its bracket and the plaster on the wall is all cracked and pulled off.

OH is like "oh I can't imagine how that's happened" and I'm like I am not accusing your kids BUT poles do not just bend and get ripped out of the fucking wall on their own - do they? Or am I a bitch step mother in suspecting them - it is where they sleep.

They are 12 and 10 and really fucking tall - I just wish he would back me up in zero tolerance to the destruction of our home AngrySad

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DoloresVanCartier · 30/01/2017 18:29

Well, that escalated quickly!! 😳

OP yanbu about being cross regarding damaged property, you would be cross if it were your DC. OH needs to have a chat regarding respecting their own, and the property of others. Perhaps refusing to repair or replace any items that are damaged by carelessness or a deliberate action.

Raccoon, (please don't attack me now) whilst I abhor name calling and slurs that should not have been aimed at you, you haven't exactly covered yourself in glory here. The post was not about sleeping arrangements, it was a SM having a vent which I'm sure sometimes we can all do with although thanks to you and a couple of others on this thread, I will NEVER post for advice or support on step parenting. Couldn't you have just given the OP advice and moved right along? Instead you (and a couple of others whose NN I can't recall), have brought further angst where a simple yabu or yanbu would have sufficed.

OP, fwiw (and it's prob not very much) I think the sleeping arrangements are fine and according to others psychologists agree. All the best OP

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 30/01/2017 18:56

DSD1 fiddles with things which she has no business touching and often ends up breaking them which does my head in so I will normally ask her nicely to leave it alone/put it down before the inevitable happens whereas OH ignores a lot of this behaviour until something happens.

Examples of this (this weekend) are picking up a letter (of mine) off the side and ripping bits off it - but not in a naughty way in a kind of absent minded way. There was a post it note on a pad on the side with an email address written on it (which I need) which has been ripped off and stuck onto something else, stuff written on the white board in the kitchen (DS made a chart so we know when the cat has been fed) and she stood there and licked her finger and rubbed it all off - she often licks her finger and wipes it all over lots of things (often find my car window all smeared with spit - which TBH I find pretty grim). She puts a lot of things in her mouth and makes a massive mess when she eats (normally has to change so I give her paper serviettes now).

I dunno if putting things in her mouth is a sign of something - she does wet the bed still at 12 and home is no picnic for her Sad

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thatdearoctopus · 30/01/2017 18:58

Hmm.
That doesn't sound typical behaviour for a 12 yo, to be honest. Poor kid.

RacoonBandit · 30/01/2017 19:01

Seriously Crowd why is dad not paying more attention to this kind of stuff?

She is 12 and wets the bed coupled with the other stuff do you not think he should be doing something?
Mum clearly isn't and dad isn't either......poor kids sad

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 30/01/2017 19:02

I know Sad

She has a lot of responsibility but is then also "babyed" I cannot get my head around it.

She displays a lot of compliance too if there is ever any tension here - which worries me.

OP posts:
RacoonBandit · 30/01/2017 19:03

But it should be worrying him!!

I am sorry but neither parent is great are they.

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 30/01/2017 19:04

Erm - where have au said he hasn't done anything?! Hmm

We have done loads to tackle the bed wetting (bought an alarm which got "lost", arranged specialist appts which were "missed") it's really really hard to tackle a problem like bed wetting when the RP does nothing to support your efforts and you only see the child once a fortnight.

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RacoonBandit · 30/01/2017 19:08

Then maybe he needs to take things further.

You already state the girls have a poor home life with mum. The 12 yo is displaying very worrying behaviour and yet he deems it totally ok to leave them in mums care for the vast majority of the time.

Yes mum sounds like a rubbish parent but what has he done in 6 years to change that?

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 30/01/2017 19:12

Racoon a lot - not that I need to justify myself to you or delve into private stuff that has gone on here on a public forum.

I work in social care and I know there is nothing going on that would involve the girls being removed from her care.

When we have said something contact has been revoked.

Very difficult to uphold a contact order with his job.

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RacoonBandit · 30/01/2017 19:15

Then he needs to prioritise the welfare of his children above his job.

Sorry but the more you say the worse he comes across.

He already put his job before his children in regards to contact and now there are welfare needs that are not being met by mum and his job still comes before them.

I was wrong the sleeping arrangements are the least these poor kids have to worry about.

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 30/01/2017 19:15

Anyway - I didn't post here to be judged and slagged off by someone whose opinion I have no respect for and who doesn't know the first thing about our quite complex situation.

I posted to vent - as a lot of my life is consumed by worrying about, organising and cleaning up after my step daughters.

OP posts:
RacoonBandit · 30/01/2017 19:19

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thatdearoctopus · 30/01/2017 19:21

Then he needs to prioritise the welfare of his children above his job.

Oh ffs, the man needs a job!!! Or are you saying he can't be a caring father and work? at the same time>

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 30/01/2017 19:21

God Racoon will you give it a fucking rest?

You know NOTHING about our situation or what we have done for the girls so please STFU.

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RacoonBandit · 30/01/2017 19:22

He can get another job.
One that means he can be there for his kids.

Jobs exist outside the military That

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 30/01/2017 19:22

If he gives up his job how the hell will we afford the 7 bed house/extension we are supposed to be providing?!

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RacoonBandit · 30/01/2017 19:25

Well considering he is not providing it now and he works then the situation won't change will it Crowd apart from he can be an active parent and start caring for his children seen as 1 parent appears to be failing at it.

thatdearoctopus · 30/01/2017 19:26

Racoon, don't you think it's time to take a step back from this thread? You're over-invested and, to be frank, giving some shit advice/opinions now.

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 30/01/2017 19:27

What planet do you actually live on?

We are supposed to provide everyone with a bedroom while both giving up our jobs and moving 150 miles away to be nearer the kids uprooting my own kids in the process and living on what? Magic?!

God god women.

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Sunday999 · 30/01/2017 19:40

OP, you've had a really tough time on this thread - I don't think you're doing anything wrong.

RacoonBandit · 30/01/2017 19:40

You do realise people change jobs all the time don't you Confused giving up one job does not mean you then stay unemployed.

Seems to me mum is called out as a shit mum yet daddy is fully excused for his lack of parental input Hmm

Sorry but I cannot believe posters and the OP are totally ok with a bed wetting 12 yo who has a shit home life and displays worrying behaviours for which she is receiving no professional input for. Yet all the adults involved are doing zero to rectify any of this and the only concern is a broken fuckin curtain pole!

Sunday999 · 30/01/2017 19:42

Lots of men in the forces have children, surely we're not assuming they're all poor fathers just because they work away?

thatdearoctopus · 30/01/2017 19:48

As the OP just said, you have no idea what her dp is doing for his daughter, nor any of the details beyond those which have been posted here.

You know absolutely nothing, racoon, and your unpleasant hectoring tone is horrible to read. Piss off and lecture someone in your own circle, not the OP here, who has done nothing to warrant the vile accusations you've made on scant evidence.

MycatsaPirate · 30/01/2017 19:51

racoon You must be the most irritating person I have ever come across on this forum. You don't just leave the military, you are signed up for x number of years. You can't just give a month's notice.

In the nicest possible way, can I suggest you leave this thread and find someone else to annoy as I have never seen such derailing or hounding as you've done on here.

I'd say you sound unhinged but you'd call me disablist so I'll settle for calling you fucking obsessed with the op's living and personal arrangments. She asked about a curtain rail - all these posts later you are telling her that her husband needs to leave his job, they all need to uproot and move 500 miles and buy a huge house to accomodate everyone while earning nothing because neither will have a job.

Just fucking drop it eh?

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 30/01/2017 19:53

This has entered the realms of ridiculous Grin

You do realise you can't just "leave" the military? You do realise you have to give a years notice?

I have a career, my children's lives are here and the town the ex lives in is a Navy Port with high levels of unemployment and deprivation where I would not go to live and take my kids to live if you paid me.

You know my life has been here for twenty years and all my friends are here?

You know a that do you?

You know what bloody support or interventions are in place for my DSD do you?

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