Did this happen on its own?

[Crowdblundering]

AARHH!!! Soooo pissed off.

Just noticed bloody curtain in our back lounge is totally bent and pulled out of its bracket and the plaster on the wall is all cracked and pulled off.

OH is like "oh I can't imagine how that's happened" and I'm like I am not accusing your kids BUT poles do not just bend and get ripped out of the fucking wall on their own - do they? Or am I a bitch step mother in suspecting them - it is where they sleep.

They are 12 and 10 and really fucking tall - I just wish he would back me up in zero tolerance to the destruction of our home

Crowd you don't need to justify yourself to the likes of racoon!
Perfectly reasonable that you would keep your own bedroom, although amy minute now it will become your fault that one of the kids is a bed-wetter.

Considering none of the children had to sleep in the lounge on put up beds and had their own storage and a room that was theirs then yes we bought a house big enough That.

I am not judging the OP and I have not throughout this thread. It is the fathers responsibility to make sure he can provide them with the basics. I think a bedroom is pretty basic considering everyone else in the house has one.

Everyone who lives here has one!

Anyway, in answer to your original question, before all this ridiculous de-railing about bedrooms, you are not unreasonable to be cross that this damage was caused. It doesn't matter whether they were your own dcs or steps. I would take different attitudes depending on whether the person responsible was otherwise careful and respectful of belongings/surroundings. So, if it was an accident that could have happened to anyone in the course of "normal" actions, then hey ho. If it was rough/careless play and in a long line of similar incidents (that they'd been warned about) I'd be pretty cross.

So, what do you think crowd should have down, racoon, when she got together with her OP? Bearing in mind he is based 500 miles away in military barracks? Moved out of her children's family home to a larger one (that presumably she couldn't afford) in order to be able to offer a bedroom that they'd wreck to the sc's on the odd weekend they came to visit?

I know octopus this weekend DSD1 came with her phone (which we bought in December) which had fallen out of her pocket in the garden at home been left outside all night, chewed by the dog then put back in her blazer pocket and put the the washing machine 😤😤😤

OH then looking on Gumtree for a new one! I was like "erm how is she EVER going to learn to look after anything?!"

My dd, who is normally pretty careful with stuff, dropped her phone yesterday and the screen is massively cracked (with the odd shard of glass attacking her). Easily-done - could have happened to anyone.
But it still works for now, so she's putting up with it until the contract runs out in a couple of months.

That's life, isn't it? Shame there's no one (apart from you, who's a lone voice in the wind) to teach your dsc's that lesson.

What is interesting is when I consider the situation from Crowd's perspective, I think that she is making the best of a restrictive situation (although personally, I think that having their clothes in your bedroom when you make a point about wanting your bedroom for your privacy doesn't sound very accommodating).

When I think from OP's OH position though, I see it very differently. If it were my children, and they lived with their dad, but when they came to visit, they had to camp in my house because I was prioritising the available bedroom to my ADULT partner's children, then yes, I would feel that I was letting them down.

Saying that, all that matter is whether the children are truly happy. Maybe they are, maybe OP thinks they are, but they actually only accepts the situation because they have no other choice but to do so. I do hope that however angry OP felt at the event, going by the first OP, that she didn't take it out on the kids though (shouting and cursing here is fine, it isn't fine to do so at the kids).

And yeah - I could have sold my house and moved (from the South to Scotland) but I have a career here, the kids have lived here all their lives and were at school and their dads are here - I am also a lot closer to where the girls live so we have them more often this way.

Thank God I'm not her step-mother.

The girls sleeping arrangements are not down to the OP.

Their father is responsible for that and I would expect any parent resident or otherwise to ensure their children had a proper bedroom.
Lots of single mothers have to change their lifestyles when they become single mothers. They sacrifice, change jobs, change homes and make sure their children's needs are met. Why should single fathers get away with changing nothing to accomadate their children?

DH had to get a new job that was not shift work when he and his ex split otherwise he would not have seen his children regularly. We paid for a bigger home to accomadate all the children not just the permenant ones. We didn't have expensive holidays due to the costs involved of having a blended family. I knew all of this when I entered in to a relationship with him and he was and remains to be a good father who prioritises his children.

My kids already had their own rooms when I met OH, they used to take turns in giving up their rooms but got pissed off with it (their stuff being broken) as they got into their teens.

It would be totally unfair to expect two of the to share and a room to be empty for all but 4 days a month! How ridiculous!

it isn't fine to do so at the kids

Well, maybe not shouting and cursing, but I think it's perfectly reasonable to be cross if you see what you are pretty sure is wilful damage done to your home.

Or can't children be told off nowadays?

Well, good for you, racoon.

How is it up there, on your pedestal of perfection?

Not sure what you DDs phone has to do with this That hmm

I never shout or curse at my stepchildren.

And they aren't camping

It's not a pedestal That I just don't have a low expectation of fathers like some posters seem to.

I expect fathers to put the needs of their children first just as mothers are expected to.
Why would it be a good thing to set the bar so low for dads?

Well I wish my ex cared as much about my eldest two as OH does about his girls and their needs.

My phone anecdote was to crowd, who was talking about careless kids who are materially spoilt. I'm sure she understood my point, even if you didn't.

Back tô the original post, have you spoken to their father about it since? What did he say, any plans to discuss appropriate behaviour?

If my DD treated a phone like that it would be being replaced with the cheapest possible second hand monstrosity until it was respected. Accidental breakage is one thing but leaving it outside?!

It would be totally unfair to expect two of the to share and a room to be empty for all but 4 days a month! How ridiculous!
Of course sharing would be ridiculous, I was thinking more of giving them the nod that as they are now adults, they could maybe consider that it is time to make their way into the adult world.

DD is at college (redoing yr 12) and DS1 in a minimum wage zero hours contract bar job.

I would like nothing more for him to make his own way but there is no way he can afford to ATM we live in the South of England and rental properties are ridiculously expensive.

I was thinking more of giving them the nod that as they are now adults, they could maybe consider that it is time to make their way into the adult world.

What? Well, my two are technically adults at 18 and 20, but there will be bedrooms here in their home for the forseeable future. Who boots their kids out at that sort of age?

Ok different point of view here...

When I was 16 my parents split up and my dad moved into a 2 bedroomed flat - one room for him, and one room for me and my twin sisters (then 12 years old) to stay in when we stayed at his house. We lived a 5 minute walk away so saw him most days anyway.

I moved in with him when I was 17 and around 6 months later my dad got another (warmer) 2 bedroomed flat, there were no 3 bedroomed houses/flats available. My sisters asked my dad to buy them a sofa bed so they could 'camp out' in the living room when they stayed on a weekend - no problem! They loved the living room to themselves as it meant they had the tv remote first thing in the morning!

Anyway, my point is, my twin sisters are now 34 and have not been affected by this negatively - one is an assistant manager at a private nursery and the other is a bank manager! Neither are deranged all because they stayed on a sofa bed in a living room for 8 nights a month (and more in the holidays if they felt like it!)