Here we go!!!

[Nursed123]

It's that time again..... Step kid weekend!

I'm just sitting, with wine in hand, waiting for them to descend.

I really wish I could say I look forward to these weekends but I dread them for various reasons

Here's and for anyone else who can relate

Hey my fellow step mothers !
Needing some help and advice , we've got the DSC from tonight this week and I have to say I feel pretty sick at this and unsure what to say or do !
DSS started screaming when he went for a wee and said that DSD hurt it because she was playing with it on the sofa pulling it up and down ?!
I feel physically sick and it's not the first time I have seen her touch his privates ! She is nearly 7 so not a toddler who doesn't understand these things .
I have had the whole conversation with her about privates being private in the past and asked if anyone has done that to her or has she watched something she shouldn't have and she says no . I am really concerned about this and as awful as I sound I don't want her near my DD right now ! I have obviously not said this to anyone .

Also does this sound strange to anyone , DSD has been asking for gymnastics classes for years .... ex took her to an old mans house who apparently used to be an Olympic gymnast for one on one classes ....

Hi motherofa I'm really unsure what to suggest other than what you've already done?! What has your dp said?!

I can understand why you don't want her near your own child as it's not appropriate behaviour whatsoever. Personally I think I would tell dp this as maybe he doesn't realise how uncomfortable it's making you?

I suppose all you can do is tell her firmly that this is not acceptable behaviour and not to do it, I think obviously her mother needs to be told so she can firmly stop it at her home too. It's not normal behaviour I don't think. Kids messing with their own bits when toddlers is one thing but doing it to others is not on at any age whatsoever.

The gymnastics thing sounds dodgy as hell to me and I'd probably want to question that with her mother too.

Apparently this happened at home and their mother said you don't touch privates . I have told her on a couple of occasions in the past when I have caught her though so this is not a first time thing ?
They are very much left to their own devices at home while the ex scutter sleeps or talks crap on the phone . They have mostly shared a bed the past few years as she never bought bedding for the top bunk ....
I just feel really sick and unsettled about this and makes me wonder what the hell I let myself in for or more to the point how the hell did DP end up having children with someone like this ?!
DP didn't say much . I think he was embarrassed but he did ask why the hell she was doing that and told her not to .shes nearly seven but I feel like it's too late for her now like not sure what path her life is going to go down . She is a very strange little girl .

MotherofA, that is horrific. Poor little boy. I do wonder what has been happening at home. How old is wee DSS? Why are they sharing a bed?
Have you considered contacting social services for advice? I know thats stirring up a hornets nest but can you stand by? Poor bloody kids, and I wouldnt leave your DD alone with them.

Have you asked friends for their thoughts also?

I know we DM'd evil but I thought I would update the group . My social worker friend said she had a case very similar and it was referred to a family support worker . She said it was a girl of a similar age also showing sexualised behaviour .
It has really creeped me out more so because of her age ! Glad my DD is older and knows not to allow this . I asked DD is that normal for her age and she said "no mummy TBH it is quite weird " .
If I can call SS anonymously I will do so next week . The way they live with their mother is very strange she always has friends and family living there or sleeping over etc . I don't like the woman at all .
DSD said they had pot noodle for dinner then in morning woke up and finished her chocolate bar which she had left half eaten on the sofa ......

Step mums need to know that "real" mums lose it, have kids who won't eat dinner, don't do what they are told etc. that's kids.

Yeah and it's ok for their real mums to complain about it or try and change their behaviour. But if a step mum doesn't like their behaviour we have to put up and shut up.

I'm sorry but there's no excuse for shit and even neglectful parenting is there?

A pot noodle for tea is not ok if it's a regular occurrence.

Exactly ! This thread is step mums supporting step mums .... the ignored member of the blended family . Haha .
Yes sleepy various similar "meals" such a sandwich or tin of soup ... don't remember the last time they mentioned a nourishing meal at home which is why I fill them up on home cooked meals and tonnes of veg when they are here . We had a rare weekend kid free last week but then they come back with stories like that and looking very drawn to be honest .

Yes kids are kids but real mums get a say in how to deal with them, real mums can moan to other mums they meet.

My step children's real mum can't even be bothered to see her kids she sees them every 3 months under supervision and half the time makes an excuse as to why she can't make it.

We see them fortnightly and god forbid if I make a mistake I don't hear the end of it.

Also real mums get a say I know this is an irrational thing to be angry about but partners mum calls them babies.. they are 7 and 9 not babies and I think calling a child a baby encourages them to act it... but I can't say anything because I am not family I just have to sit and cringe though the whole visit or get some overtime in at work

Do any of your step children have step dads? Notice my SC step dad has it so much easier as ExW dictates the situation.

Yes and perfect example..
Him and darling biological mother abused the kids to the point where the youngest has major issues.. they see them once every 3 months when they can be bothered in a supervised setting, the kids are regularly seen by social services.
Whenever we get a report they are named as important people in their life so so and so so mother and step dad. When it mentions our home it's my partners real name and I get so so's partner..
I am not important enough to have a name even though I see them more often and do a lot more for them than their real mum

I'm so sorry about what your SC went through user :(

My DSS SD is an ok guy and genuinly cares about DSS. When ExW is being a cow he will explain things are getting out of hand and she just storms off. Think DH and Step ad are both quite soft and that's what ExW goes for, someone she can control.

Nope mine don't have a step dad, ex hasn't had a partner in 5 years.

I think it would be better if she did. Less time to focus on dp!!

Ex has just got a new man in Ireland so we shall see how that pans out he will prob be moving in or her going there soon enough ...

Of course carolann hope this works as I am not the best on the site either haha

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/2756067-Here-we-go?noti=1#64545256

Is the ex the primary carer sleepy and how many days does she have the kids?

Sleepy I agree same this end she was ringing him several times a week talking crap , asking for favours lifts etc. Since I became pregnant she decided to get a man haha now she's backed off considerably after years of this . Although she did ring him the other day saying she had a job interview and some other crap he wasn't interested in . Strange I never ring my ex to talk shit it's only ever DD related !

Great we have a banging the head on the coffee table incident because I told him he couldn't write in my driving test theory book.. can't go on like this getting annoyed I can't say anything to them but it's my stuff getting damaged week in week out

It's ridiculous isn't it ? What's DSS age ?

9 years so old enough to know he has to respect other people's stuff going to work now so they can talk about what an awful person I am

Ah bless you I'm sure / hope your dp won't do that ! Yes I expected you to say 3/4 with behaviour like that !

Yes ex is RP and has sd all the time (she doesn't see us for reasons I think I've said below) and she has ss 5/7 days a week. Dp would like him more but she's said no. Except when she's out on piss and she wants us to have him of course!!

Hi, new on here, so catching up on thread.

Feel like I have it easy compared to some

I have 2 DSSs , aged 6 and 4 I have been with my OH since youngest was 9 months. His Ex has always been strange, when he didn't agree to have them from Friday night to Monday morning she stopped him seeing them altogether! Talk about cutting your nose off....

He then agreed Saturday PM til Monday morning until we moved in together we weren't allowed to have them over night or at our house if we wanted to see them we had to take them to my MILs house on Sundays only . We played along with her awkwardness then Ex complained again about not having anytime to herself so finally let us have them at our house.

Been a calm 2 years, love having the boys here, and they love staying. Never had even a look of "you're not our mum" when tell them what to do or not to do.

Things might get a bit weird come March time, currently 20 weeks pregnant. Boys don't know yet trying to wait until after new year to tell them. They recently have a new baby sis from their mum.

Sorry for long post, was only supposed to say hello