Here we go!!!

[Nursed123]

It's that time again..... Step kid weekend!

I'm just sitting, with wine in hand, waiting for them to descend.

I really wish I could say I look forward to these weekends but I dread them for various reasons

Here's and for anyone else who can relate

if DSCs do have a problem, conflicting loyalties or whatever, then I'm not sure it is a situation that ever is going to be comfortable

No, it's not. But the least worse option for the DCs is often for the step mum to back off even if she feels as if it is soul destroying.

Evilstepmum I think you summed it up so very well with these statements
So step-mumming or even step-parenting is an exercise, knowing when to step in for the sake of the child and knowing when to step out and say to DH 'you need to speak to your child'.

A balancing act made easier with wine!

I think its not just stepping back in asking DH to speak to his kids but also just stepping back out of all drama to do with DSC.

NNandNz both very good advice!

I'm so glad there are others that feel the same way I do!
I really like my step kids, but sometimes they make me want to scream and I can't wait for them to leave.
They are actually quite well behaved and my wonderful DP always supports me if I've told the kids to do something. Luckily we have similar views when it comes to rules. And he fully admits when they are being horrors. My friend has SC and the Dad wont hear a word against them when they are naughty.
It was a shock when they started staying at the house, I'd lived on my own for a couple of years in my lovely peaceful house until my DP moved in. I'd spent lots of time with the kids prior to my DP moving in but the second night he lived with me, we also had the 2 SC so my little house suddenly seemed full of people with no escape!
Things have settled down now though and in general I like having them to stay. Its their manipulative mum I have the issue with!

Bluebell you sound exactly like me! in fact I could have written that myself ......

I love my DSC but my DH told me last week that his DS called him and asked him "pleeeeease come home to me and mum. Mum wants you back too". He's due to visit this week and it's put a completely different spin on it. If DSC was a young 3/4 year old I could totally understand but at 12yo i feel a bit miffed if I'm honest. Totally being selfish and making it all about me I know but sigh.

Oh Chow - I feel for you, those sorts of comments are bound to make you feel crap, especially if you think a lot of your SC - I know they definitely would for me

I think its not just stepping back in asking DH to speak to his kids but also just stepping back out of all drama to do with DSC.

This!

chow, I know how much that hurts. Especially when DSD is being told to say it. When our DS was a baby, ex-w and DSD guilt tripped DH, then BF, into 'family days out' for the 3 of them. I was absolutely devastated and it nearly ended us (her intention i suspect). DH went then realised he'd put his ex ahead of me because she told him 'he was letting DSD down.'

I still feel hurt about it, but moved on (see previous comment on NO disney dadding).

for you. Speak to your husband about how it makes you feel. (DH doesnt enter her property now, it was a gradual thing tho, and its the only way I can cope)

chow, I know how much that hurts. Especially when DSD is being told to say it. When our DS was a baby, ex-w and DSD guilt tripped DH, then BF, into 'family days out' for the 3 of them. sad I was absolutely devastated and it nearly ended us (her intention i suspect). DH went then realised he'd put his ex ahead of me because she told him 'he was letting DSD down.'

Ex wanted to go out with your DH and their child but exclude you and your child? That is horrid. There is no way as a SM it would have been ok for you to tell your DH "you, me and DS no DSD". Your DH family is both children and both children are siblings.

I would never dream of actively excluding my DSS. Me, DH and DD have time the three of us when SS is with his mum as our lives have to go on but would never actively wait for when SS is gone.

My DSC mum was ringing my partner several times a week talking crap about her and her friends for years . Always asking him for lifts when he got the kids . At Christmas and birthdays she bought him really WEIRD presents including an engraved glass addressed to him (not to daddy) and a very odd clip frame with their DD first outfit in .
Since we moved in together she accused me of smacking her child ! I do not even smack my own child and I really lost the plot at this .
I do love my dsc's and care very much about them but their mother and them have often made me want to walk away from someone I love to absolute bits . Doesn't help he is a Disney dad and gets mad with me when he has to parent them properly .
She HATED not having full control and manipulation over him and in the 4 years they were split only now since we announced I was expecting has she decided to get a new partner ! I was a single parent many years and my ex and I got on fairly well but I was never like that towards him especially when he had a new oh.

Hahaha Evil ! Well he has got a little tougher but seems to get mad at me when they play up haha I just walk off !
Nutters the lot of them ! She actually stopped me seeing the kids (again) after I went mad about the hitting accusation so he stayed at parents at weekends rather than get legal help hahaha . She now knows which side her bread is buttered though and says nothing to me . She needs me because it's me that suggests having kids more etc ( because I want a better life for them ) .
Oh how I miss wine so much , sob sob !

when they play up haha I just walk off ! THIS!!

Any serious crap, I um....walk the dog and leave him to sort it! (with a few choice words!)
She stopped you seeing them? haha, then realised she could have more nights out and/or nights to herself when they're with you, right? Selfish creatures, these mothers!!

Sorry about the wine, I can only suggest Schloers?

Absolutely not this.......

Hahahaha yes I am a baby sitter for her to party ! So hilarious! Sometimes walking away is all you can do isn't it ! There's a bit of sly behaviour and lying from them but main problems involve food because they aren't used to normal food and she has always let them pick what they eat .
As for the pic that's just cruel ! Only 20 weeks to go .... shoot me now !

Apologies, that was cruel!! Can you not have a wee drop watered down with lemonade? I get the food thing.....crisps, coke, chips and MacD's-does my head in.

How bout NO?

evil and motherA it does sound like your DPs were being manipulated a lot by their Exes, so as the new woman, your choice was to lay down like a door mat or stand up for yourself! But in all seriousness it is pretty rough to have to go through that!

Jeez, step-parenting must be so much easier when the DSC's other parent isnt a pyscho bitch!!

Exactly. My DSS is a nice boy but his mum tries to control my DH and she plays the victim. I hate her. and she wants to babysit our DD.

Right, thats it. Lets start a support group for Stepmums! We'll call it 'The Second Wives Club' and our motto will be 'We must learn not to bitch slap the first wives skanks'

LadyAEIOU how odd, the ex wants to babysit your DD. ExW offered the same with our DS, I was like 'NO'. DH told her he doesnt trust her with their daughter, never mind our wee boy!!

Bananas I was a doormat because 'we must do the best for DSD'. No, I must do my best for my DS and I expected my DH to think of him also. I did stand up for our son and myself and told him I was away to pack a bag so he could worship DSD more. Took a while, but he now puts me first.
Sadly, if he says ExW says we should do this or anything, I instantly think he's putting her first again and it does cause a fight and me feeling second best. Happens sometimes.

I don't have my own kids yet but I cannot imagine letting my dsds mum anywhere near them never mind babysit them although presumably she will at some point meet them

Hahaha these women are nuts ! The ex offered to babysit my DD who is OH step daughter ?! Wouldn't surprise me if she offered to have out DD when she is born !
Erm I don't even like the thought of your actual own kids living with you and your grubby ways like hell would any of my children be going near you !
Support group a fab idea haha .

The ex partner is also a crazy woman in my case! I love how we can all relate in one or way another and vent it out.... I'm fed up of seeing women being slammed on here when it is a bloody difficult life to live sometimes! We should be able to talk to others and not be judged - therefore -
I think a support group would be a brilliant idea

LadyAEIOU how odd, the ex wants to babysit your DD. ExW offered the same with our DS, I was like 'NO'. DH told her he doesnt trust her with their daughter, never mind our wee boy!!

She always wanted her own DD and can't have any more children but I don't trust her. She has weaponised her own son so how would my daughter fare IMO.

Last year ExW and I fell out. Within a few days DSS starts telling DH I always yell and swear at him but he had forgotton until then. Naturally DH asked (which was fine as ignoring this kind of thing from his son is a no no) and I explained funny how he only remembers when his mum hates me given I've supposedly done this all the time for ages (Idon't yell and swear at him btw). When DH asked why did he just remember something that is supposed to occur regularly basis DSS said he "did remember but didn't want to upset DH by telling him". You can't hide something you don't remember. Story kept changing. ExW furious DH didn't dump me and had "chosen me againsttheir son" ie me over her as she told DSS to say this.

I told DH if I am so horrid all the time why does his son choose to hang out with me on his own without DH whilst DH does food shop? Why has DSS only brought this event up now? Dh soon saw ExW made it up and told DSS to go along. She also got him to write a letter to solicitor saying I should "apologise for my behaviour". 7 year old DSS says "sorry" not "apologise". All her language. After a month she admitted what she did was wrong. DSS says I'm the best step mum ever. Her making their son say this caused damage that took over a year to repair. And DH too afraid of losing his son.

So told DH if he wants hassle then just keep it away from me and DD.

She also got him to write a letter to solicitor saying I should "apologise for my behaviour".. Oh wow, that is pretty shocking!

Wanted to post about this for ages, but last time I made a post everyone was nasty. I am glad others feel the same