Here we go!!!

[Nursed123]

It's that time again..... Step kid weekend!

I'm just sitting, with wine in hand, waiting for them to descend.

I really wish I could say I look forward to these weekends but I dread them for various reasons

Here's and for anyone else who can relate

His mum told him his dad would forget about him soon. She told him his dad loves me more than him and we were going to move away and leave him.

This is horrible :(. ExW has told DSS that DH aandoned them both. She doesn't see that she and DSS are not interchangeable people (was a mutual split anyway).

I don't blame you I think I'd be that way inclined too!

Why on earth did she think that was a good idea?? Honestly I don't know how people get like this. I'm confident If I split with dp I wouldn't become a desperate psycho overnight!

I bet she does see it but she uses it to hurt your dp but ends up hurting her own child.

My dh's exw went through a phase of putting herself on a platter... but they had divorced in the first because she had cheated and she started a full-on relationship with the om. Dh found it really boring and annoying and one day he snapped. His response to her umpteenth advance was 'I'm not even going to kiss you because I don't know what's been in your mouth let alone elsewhere.'

She got the hint at that point.

Cannot - that's exactly the reason my DH got divorced, he came home from work and she was in bed with the bloke - she then later married him. Maybe it's more common than you would think.

His ex went one further and married the om's mate

MotherofA, I cant believe you have a child-free weekend! I'm so jealous! I have begged DH in the past for some us time or just one weekend without DSD. Doesnt happen. I understand tho. Her mum has sunday plans with her baby and boyfriend.

I do understand feeling trapped in the house when she's here. Its my home! Thats when I suggest daddy/daughter time or take the dog for a long walk.

I was saddened by the complete lack of support available for step-mums/parents. Its fuckin lonely and there are times you need to shout about how hard it is to love someone elses child! DH doesnt understand. My friends dont either and MN, well MN gets very judgey!! So whos up for a support group? (which may turn into a huge rant about the ex's!!)

This thread has been brilliant!

Evil step mum glad someone else understands the upset at the home, I sound like a crazy lady but I can't cope with the mess. My mum has OCD so we were very tidy as children. The kids have toys out all over the place it makes me very uncomfortable and physically itchy as I just want to run round and clean. Last week I got home and there were chocolate stains on my coffee table and baked beans on my cushions, just wanted to scream I don't ruin their stuff so what gives them the right to ruin mine, I actually don't blame them their dad should be keeping things tidy

Sleepy hare I could write your posts myself ! DSD is the absolute double of her mother and DSS is the spit of my dp?! The two DSC look nothing alike and I think this affects things also .
I could have written some of your posts myself also , all these women sound so similar I don't understand it at all ?! Leaving the children, using them to manipulate etc it's so sad and upsetting! I have never used my DD and she has never been told of any disagreements me and her father have had over the years . I've certainly never bloody kissed him or tried to ruin his relationship / ask him to come out with us or give us lifts ! Bizarre .

Here here evil ! I wasn't even going to acknowledge red as clearly there is zero understanding of the situation. Hilarious implying I force feed , clearly didn't read all posts . DSS fully enjoyed a huge bowl of fruit , a cookie & brownie which we had baked together after he ate said dinner so my guess is he was not full and was simply repeating the learnt behaviour which him and DSD do at most meal times .
Anyways pretty sure this is a step parent support and understanding thread and many of us have posted at the relief of not feeling judged on here so far .....

And here's me feeling bad about lumbering step-mum with the grief for a weekend. These last two weeks have been horrendous. I'm so glad she's taken the reins off me for a couple of days.

TheCakes oh so wish you were my DSCs Mum, that there had been a tiny bit of acknowledgement that I was looking after her kids would have gone such a long way to helping me as a SM! And I used to have 3 DSCs EVERY weekend...

ExW would tell them not to listen to me, would tell me that they could do what they liked as they were teenagers and that they needed no looking after at all so completely denied I had anything to do with them.

It actually still upsets me that another human being could let me look after their kids so often (I know DP did too, but we both housed/fed/cleaned etc), and yet not even register that I was any part of their lives. Unfortunately this pervades DSCs now and to some extent DP, they act like I never existed as a main carer for them.

I'm starting to think I live in step parenting bliss. Spent this morning watching DSDs first ice skating lesson with her mum and DH. Her mum and I chatted away and it was really nice she then let us take DSD to my nephews birthday party even though its her day.

Passes and to everyone else who seems much more in need of it than me at the moment.

Nz it's lovely to hear that it's not at for everyone not all exW are crazy or controlling and not all DSC are warped by their mothers .
Bananas my DSC have also been told that they don't have to listen to me and to only listen to daddy . However not long ago she asked if I was around to watch them because she was going shopping ?! Hahaha how would that work if they are not to listen to me ? Plus who has my DD when I go shopping hahaha .

Sorry, not directly about EW, more about the DisneyDad aspect, as my DSC were all grown when their DF and I got together, so interaction between me and EW was minimal. Unfortunately, even then it's not plain sailing, and now we're going through the DisneyGrandad period!
My DH is a pushover with them, he never wants to say no...whatever they want to do! I've told him that I will not be the bad guy who says they can't have another load of chocs/sweeties/junk before dinner, it's so unfair! Also this behaviour says more about DH wanting the DGC to adore him, which is fine as long as he's being reasonable...which he mostly isn't!

evil step mum you are right it is lonely. I feel on those weekends like my partner almost turns against me, usually it's me and him against the world then his kids come and it's him and his little family vs me.

Because he has children it is not an option for me to have any so I can't show him how it feels. As I am not really maternal this doesn't bother me too much, however sometimes I feel the option would be nice and it was stolen

The kids grandparents think it is nice the kids can come to ours to experience normal family life, little do they know I can't stand my partner to so much as hug me when they are there

I agree with the loneliness aspect. I don't always feel like it's my own home when ss is here. I like him, he likes me, but he doesn't behave in a way in which I would want my ds to behave when he's older.

He's 12 and needs to be told to do everything, even eat, I find it exhausting.

And he seems to so read his things around the entire house so much so I feel like I am invading his space.

I don't feel I can talk to dp about it because he just assumes I hate ss which is obviously not the case, he's a good kid for the most part just with bad habits instilled from his mother.

His mum also rang dp and said that ss hates me and doesn't ever want to spend time with me and I'm awful etc etc. then dp went on a stag weekend and ss had the choice of spending it with his mother, grandparents, or me. He chose me.

She also likes to use me as a personal babysitter because I'm on mat leave. She rings dp and asks for me, not him, to go pick up ss.

I have to say my life would be 100 times easier if his mum was a normal, Rational human being. Unfortunately she is the opposite of this.

Oh that and we have to do all the pick ups and drop offs - all at ridiculous times which make ss life hard as well as ours.

Not that she gives a shit. He has no routine at home, no rules. Stats up until 2am on school nights watching gif knows what because she just doesn't care.

see the kids don't even like me, I heard him say to his eldest say hello to ...... . His answer was do I have to?

When I say something I get told I need to try harder

Thought I was getting somewhere with the younger one but have noticed even he only talks to me if he wants to play games on my tablet

Ss is like that. Sometimes he talks a lot like if we are in the car, or so,etchings on tv, but on a games console? Can't get a word out of him. Nobody can.

I would probably be taking up the 'do I have to' with your dp because that's just plain rude and I wouldn't be happy with that at all.

It worries me what some of these kids will be lie as adults. They have no rules, they've been used by their parents (or just one), they've been disregarded by a parent sometimes, they've no manners etc.

I think as well when they're adults they will realise they won't get everything their own way as many children whose parents aren't together too.

Like my sd. When will she realise that being mouthy gets your nowhere, when will she realise that acting like her mother will get her nowhere in life. When will she realise that the path her mother took is not a good one and she can do so much better. My guess is when she's half way down the same path and she's fucked up the same way her mum did.

I seriously despise that woman, she's constantly trying to bring me down to her level when we're nothing alike.

User, if his kids cant even manage the basic politeness required to say hellp. I'd be having a word with your DP. Its not asking much to be acknowledged in your own home. unmumsnetty hugs for you!

I worry what DSD will be like when shes older too. I cant see her turning out well, sadly. She's a lovely wee girl (thanks to DH and I teaching her manners and giving her confidence, but of course on fb shes a credit to her mum) but if she follows her mums (and her mums) life (lying, cheating, benefit fraud etc) what sort of life is that?

I hope she doesnt turn out like that, hope she sees theres more to life. But its up to her, we can only guide her and show her a different way.

Thats the real heartbreak of being a step mum-you put all this effort and love and time into this child, but have little or no say in what happens in their lives.

I seriously loathe that woman also, she's nothing like me. Civility is as far as we'll ever manage and thats only because I love DSD.

To be fair my partner has tried to address this. The child in question has Asd so can be quite brutally honest, the real issue lies in that he is involved with SS Who promised us all a meeting in how to deal with his behaviour so any discipline/ rewards would be consistent in both houses. This never happened.
We tend to communicate well with the grandparents who have custody but I can't force the kid to like me.
He has a nightmare with his bio mum and only sees her once every 3 months when she can be bothered to show. Last time they saw her she was kicking off because me and my partner have recently moved and she also wants a better house, what she fails to understand is me and my partner work to maintain and afford a nice house. She doesn't work due to having a pet

I definitely belong on this thread!! nursed, evilstepmum, motherofa....I have so much in common with all of you!! I'm so glad there's others in the same boat.

Tomorrow is the day for me! 2x DSDs for the whole half term A whole week of arguing and fighting and daily battles to get 1 to eat. I don't think the ex is a bad mother although I despise the horrible bitch for reasons mentioned by others upthread but have to put up with comments like 'I don't know why my Mum hates you so much!'

DP will be working all week so I am entertainer and pacifier. I'm also heavily pregnant so no to help me through it! I should mention that I do love them to bits most of the time

user I do recognize the situation that you are in, my resident DSC never said 'Hello', and after several years it really grated, REALLY grated! Esp as she was quite capable of saying Hello to others. It's just not tolerable and really you shouldn't have to put up with this. It doesn't matter if the kid doesn't like you, they should still have manners and I would be insisting on this yourself, EVERY time. And there's no reason if you want kids that you shouldn't bring this up with your partner.

Evil and sleepy My eldest DSD did follow her Mum's footsteps, right down to manipulating, expecting everyone to treat her as number one and expecting to marry a man like her Mum did and get him to do everything for her. She's mid twenties now, and has had a bit of a shock that this did not happen! She does expect my DP to sort out her whole life, but increasingly, and to be fair to her, she is starting to be a nicer person now she has had to work and face life, something her Mum refuses to do.

Oh and so sympathise about the pick ups/drop offs. We do ALL of these still, and always have done. In fact, I do wonder what on earth ExW actually does? Except text my DP all the time... 'about the kids/computer needs sorting'... kids now all mostly over 18... sigh!!!