Here we go!!!

[Nursed123]

It's that time again..... Step kid weekend!

I'm just sitting, with wine in hand, waiting for them to descend.

I really wish I could say I look forward to these weekends but I dread them for various reasons

Here's and for anyone else who can relate

Well said ladies !

My dad cheated on my mum with his current wife, my mum raised 3 of us. Working 2 sometimes 3 jobs. We saw my dad every weekend, never over night as his now wife didn't want us staying, we haven't had to best relationship with her very minimal contact but that was her choice not my mum or dads. Mum never stopped us seeing my dad or made things difficult, if my dad had to work they would switch days, nothing like what we go through with my OHs ex. I have a completely different relationship with my DSSs

satinthedark

I agree with you.

While i dont think its wrong to have a place to vent about useless disney dads or difficult exes it does turn my stomach when the SDC are talked about so unkindly.

Some of these children spend only a few days a week with dad yet reading this thread for some sm even thats too much and they resent it

Somebody mentioned wanting a holiday abroad to relax but does not want to take DSC but is happy for her own DS to go. That is a selfish attitude and shows a clear divide between siblings.

Everyone poster on this thread who has confessed to hating contact time are liars.
They lie to their partners weekly by pretending to accept the DSC.

I wonder what the reaction would be from these fathers if they knew just how hateful some SM feel about their children.

I am a SM and yes it was difficult at times but i never allowed myself to see my DSs as a burden or inconvienience because those thoughts will just breed contempt.

Posters on this board moan about being seen as evil stepmothers all the time and how it is unfair that they are labelled this way. Yet here you all are giving perfect examples of such a label.

I treat my DSs with kindness and I think kindly about them and i do not blame them for the choices and mistakes made by their parents.

Anyway I will let you get back to your supportive thread as you call it. Enjoy your bitter wine ladies

This thread was meant to be somewhere we can e honest and talk and ask for advice. Not somewhere we can be judged by all tge perfect mummies anf step mummies with theit perfect kids and their perfect lives.

I'm not perfect and i dont want to be if it means I turn into some nasty judging tosser.

What sleepy said! Also, it seems to be the nasty exes drinking the bitter wine, no??

Sleepy

And no point did i say it was not ok to hate the ex.
I dont disagree that having somewhere to vent about the exes or disney dads is a good thing. However what i do find distasteful is where venting about the exes and dads spills over to the SDC.

I also think this part of your post There's already a clear fucking divide between siblings because ss has TWO families. Ds only has one. SS will get twp holidays two sets of Christmas presents two birthdays essentially two sets of everything he has two bedrooms two sets of toys two games consoles. My ds will only ever have one of all these things so is me wanting a peaceful fucking holiday causing the divide?? No. One holiday in his life isn't going to hurt him. Hes been abroad more times than I have. is an eye opener. You are blaming the child for having two families. You are wanting to penalise him for having two of everything when the bottom line is he did not choose this and is not at fault.

Just because he has holidays with his mum and Christmas with his mum does not mean he should not have those things with his dad. That is not the childs fault.

Your own child may have a SM one day and then you will be the crazy ex and your son will be resented and blamed by the SM for having a relationship with his dad. Maybe think of that when you hate the presence of your stepchild in your life.

I've only seen this thread as it was in active. My dsc are adults now and we get on very well.

That said, the time when they were younger with regular contact etc were a lot less stressful than a lot of your stories but there are unique issues and emotions to being a SM that you can only understand if you have been one.

I would have loved a thread like this at the time, in reality as a SM you can't tell people your honest opinion in RL. Having somewhere you could actually say it all, as anonymous, without being judged as a bitch from hell is really invaluable.

This is the first thread that I have seen where SMs can actually have that space. The SP board is full of judgemental threads, give these ladies a chance to vent on at least one thread without that.

Good luck to you all ladies.

Thank you agirraffe

I am far from perfect and have my faults but i do not harbour feelings of resentment towards the children in my life.

The fact is you do not want a holiday alone you want a holiday without your SS but with your own son. Would you consider taking only 1 of your bio children and leaving the other boi child behind? Probably not but that is what you want your husband to do.
Both children are his bio children yet you expect him to leave 1 behind.

Your SS is not there everyday so it is unfair and cruel to expect a family holiday not yo include off of the family. SS is equal to your own son.

sleepy

I understand your anger and the right you have to speak openly on a public forum. I also have the same right and as long as i do not break the talk guidlines i can post where i choose.
You can demand i fuck off all you like sleepy

I do not condem anyone who voices the struggles they face but like you I have the right to an opinion and i feel the tone of this thread is unpleasent and instead of offering advice and support it has turned in to a place posters can pat each other on the back for their unkind thoughts and views on children who have few choices in how they live their life.

Hi just reading the recent posts.

I have 3 half brothers from my dads second marriage, my DF and SM often took my DB on holiday without me and my other DBs. He now takes my youngest DBs on holiday without their teenage DS. so Bio kids or not younger children and teenage children often need and go on separate holidays as you can't please everyone with location and activities. There are 13 years between myself and my DB and then a further 13 years between my DB and the youngest DB

I am lucky in a sense that the age difference between my LO and my SSs won't be that big but if in 4 years time the older 2 want to go somewhere that I would deem unsuitable for my youngest i.e Disneyland I would suggest my DP take the older to by himself even though I love them dearly.

Whoa ladies, this is getting nasty!
Sleepy I get your point, even thought it's never the DC's fault, the fact remains that your DSC get more holidays than you or your own DC. So no, I don't think it's unreasonable for you to expect some alone time away with your family, so long as the SC doesn't lose out on holidays! And even though I fully understand your outrage at some accusations on this thread....there's little to be gained from ranting to this level!
Bubblegum I also see the point you're making, but to say that an SP actually resents their DSC just because they want some down time is unfair!
This is a place to let off steam safely, and I think most of us need it....but let's not turn it into a war zone!

Thank you carol and wdigin

One holiday isn't going to scar ss for life, and actually we are thinking like a prior suggestion, we (me dp and ds) go on one relaxing holiday suitable for a baby, and dp and ss go somewhere adventurey that ss would actually enjoy that's obviously not suitable for me or a baby!

Nobody is leaving anybody out. But I would really like some down time.

There you go then Sleepy the perfect solution!

What sleepy said with bells on.

Stop trolling Bubble. Do you know I am on AD's still because of the ex wife and her mind games? It is directly thanks to her I had PND. All the while, I was raising her DC cos she was too busy partying. I echo Sleepys desire to have a holiday without DSC, but it'll never happen cos her mum has only ever taken her on holiday once. So its up to us and me to do that

As for treating them differently, of course we treat them differently. My DC I have a natural bond with, my SC I have to work at that bond. How selfish of me eh? I do treat the siblings differently because they are different people in different situations at different ages.

I think you should fuck off. You're being argumentative for the sake of it by claiming stepmums hate their DSC and 'punish' them for having two families. Nowhere on here has anyone said that. Far from it, if you actually read the posts, you'll see how much we love our SC and how we go out of our way to accommodate them and try to help them.

I am a good stepmum. I loathe SC mother but thats not SC fault.

God forbid you ever have an unkind thought and needed a place to vent it so it didnt come out in RL.

How am i trolling?

You can not bully me from the thread and accuse me of being a troll because i disagree with some of the things raised on this thread regarding children.

I will continue to read this thread and post as i see fit. Different opinions and different points of view are on every thread on mn why should the sp board be any different?

bubblegum you can continue posting if you wish, but you'll be wasting your energy because I will literally be ignoring your bullshit trolling posts from now on.

There is nothing wrong with seeking support from others who can understand first hand what troubles you are going through.
This thread has some of that but it also contains alot of resentment towards children which is unhealthy imo.

You ask if i am proud of myself for giving a different opinion on this thread then yes I am.
I wonder if some posters are proud of themselves for the way they bitch about children.

We will not agree and i am fine with that but unlike you I am not demanding you leave the thread because we disagree.
I respect your choice and your view and I respect your right to post it on a public forum.