Here we go!!!

[Nursed123]

It's that time again..... Step kid weekend!

I'm just sitting, with wine in hand, waiting for them to descend.

I really wish I could say I look forward to these weekends but I dread them for various reasons

Here's and for anyone else who can relate

Carolann - I'm the same as you....have never met the exw and if I had my way I never will! Love my dsds to bits though. I would love to be able to pick them up from her and drop them off etc.. but unfortunately that will never happen, not unless some serious apologies are directed my way!

Anyway, agreeing with everyone about the value of this thread....no need to just pop in to say it's vile. If you don't like it, hide it.

Sleepy hare I agree this Is the only place I can be completely honest.. obviously my partner loves his children and if I say anything it is perceived as an attack on his children. It's not.
Sometimes I just need a bit of reassurance I am not the worst person in the world for not bonding 100% with these children.
Sometimes I need to vent with people who understand and won't judge people who may offer advice and reassurance.

People like Ellie that call others vile are not helpful. I have met stepparents who feel like they are failing, I haven't met one that wants to fail

MrsRaymond I have never spoken to her, as far as I am aware she hasn't said anything about me to the boys, they tell me quite a bit Same as you I would love to be able to pick the boys up and drop off especially as from about March next year I will be on MAT leave so would be free during the holidays etc if my OH couldn't get time off work.

Well in the beginning she accused ME! not OH of letting the youngest fall down the stairs when he was 15 months old- OH told her straight - we have baby gates at the top and bottom of stairs, she has never seem our house so doesn't know what she is talking about!! she hasn't said anything since

Oh lady that would piss me off too. The least he can do is ask. It's your home too.

Can I ask you all a question?! What do you all do about holidays?!

I'm desperate for a little break, not been abroad for two years, want to take ds away. Just a week, not far.

However ss is forever on about going abroad and dp wants to take him if we go. However, if we true him, it won't be a holiday for me at all.

How do I basically say no I just want you me and ds because I actually need a break from real life rather than taking it with me?

I prob sound awful but it would be hard work for me and not a holiday at all.

Sleepy We had our first holiday abroad with the boys this year, His Ex actually suggested taking her mother! as well as she thought we would be leaving them by themselves in the hotel room while we went out at night!! if we wanted that kind of holiday we wouldn't take the boys. Also If that was the case it would be my mother (his is in a wheelchair) who would be coming with us.

I took 2 weeks off in total, Wasn't what I would call a relaxing holiday. Although the boys are no trouble I just couldn't relax so had a week to myself after we came back

I can see where you are coming from though, I don't know what will happen when we have our baby next year but I would hope we would have our own little holiday as well as the boys are restricted to school holidays

Thanks carol that's the thing I really want a relaxing holiday (well as relaxing as can be when you've got a baby!)

I just think if ss goes me and ds will get no attention from dp and I will end up looking after him on my own. Plus ss will want to do what he wants all week so we won't get to do what we want.

God knows why ss wants to go abroad, they don't have play station or sky abroad!! That's all he does play games or watch telly. He has no interest in anything else.

Plus, we can't change contact with ex so we would have to go in the one full week of the year we have him slap bang in the middle of August which is always my bday week (not a coincidence ex planned it that way and funnily thatss only week she can't get off work every bloody year) and that's not how I want to spend my birthday following about a whiney pre teen who probably won't eat any of the food or enjoy anything about the holiday

I can't say this to dp because he will just get offended but there's nothing about a holiday with ss that appeals to me!

sleepy Could you find a really great deal outside of school holidays so your SS wouldn't be able to come then suggest your DP have father-son holiday/few days away somewhere a preteen would love but be unsuitable your DC as they would be too young? therefore you couldn't go? Not ideal but just an idea

Plus side your DP gets 2 holidays and you get a break from SS

I really think me and DH have run our course. I posted a thread a few weeks ago which I asked to be deleted as my case is too unique and easy to tell it's me and I had agreed to give things another try but I don't think things will change as he is never trying to change. No matter how many times I say it's over he just doesn't listen and I give in and stay. I just cba.

Sleepy - I think I'm gonna have the same problem as you with the holiday situation. DP is very insistent on all the children feeling part of the same family, and it's very important to me too. I really don't want dsds feeling that future DD is more important or favoured more than them. So I know that DP will want us to all go away as a family.

I think I'm going to do what Carolann suggested and suggest a couple of holidays during term time when dsds can't come. I guess it's only short term, but it's better than nothing.

carol yeah that's a good idea. I think I'll just run and find a good deal or book something last minute not in the holidays!

Dp probably won't see it that way tho and will think I'm leaving ss out, which I am I guess but at the end of he day he has a mother as well, she could easily take him abroad but chooses not to, so why should I.

Has something Happened lady? I felt exactly the same last week when I was having ss for the day.i said was done about ten times but I don't think he took me seriously to start with.

Anything we can help with?

I am an SM and my kids have an SM.

Sorry I find this thread, sad depressing and yes I am judging SMs or some of the really quite vile opinions expressed on this thread.

I was till recently a lone parent - you never see this type of anger, hatred, antipathy, childish behaviour, look at me I am such a great SM and the BM is a waste of space bad parent discussion on that forum.

Whilst it might be a place to let off steam, it just shows that a hell of a lotof step mum really do resent their step kids, speak about them like crap and can not wait for them not to be in their lives. Lip service to being a family unless it is on your terms, your way, your rules etc.

Truly pathetic thread.

Oh and actually loads of im a great mum and my ex is shit and lazy and doesn't cater to my every whim and his gf is interfering and I'm jealous worried ... Threads on here.

Maybe you'd be better off on one of those.

Well said ladles, my situation isn't nearly as frustrating or unpleasant ( sorry I have baby brain and can't think of the right words) as some of yours but I still sympathise as I am a SM and I had a SM myself since I was 6 (32 now) my mum handled the situation a lot better than my OHs Ex.

for those who need a smile

I do see why people find this thread a bit sad but calling posters pathetic is hardly productive or helpful. Shame really.

Everyone has an opinion and that is fine but some of the comments on here are just sad.

I am not a perfect SM, far from it and yes I do take a deep breath when the DSCs come but not to the extent of anger and hatred that is experienced here, even if the EX is reasonable, the comments are vitriolic.

My DCs SM is well, yes........... am not going to fall into the viciousness on this forum but suffice it to say - the relationship with my DCS is fraught, sad an completely unnecessarily antagonistic.

There is a very fine line between saying something and actually believing and meaning it. Some people have crossed that line on this thread and showed their true colours.

I cameon here to see what was being said. Completely understanding the glass of red wine feeling but the rest of the vile comments, name calling and opinions of the DSC - saddens me.

It comes across as a school girl bitching session - v childish.

Well said evil ! As others have said ... If you aren't on here for a release from step parenting or psycho exW or for support than move along to another thread .
We have all expressed our gratitude in their not being people like you on this thread so far .....
if we are so bad then how come so many of us are relating to each other ? Struggle to believe you could be a SM to young children every week and be so judging towards us .
I for one have been very grateful for this thread in recent weeks oh and by the way have a great relationship with my step children . They love all the activities and fun things we do here which they would not normally be able to do and often say they wish they could live with us .
Just because we vent on here of our struggles does not mean we do not treat these children with love and kindness . We are human and like other users have said , they aren't our bio children . Of which we are made well aware by those lovely ex w .

Well aren't you the perfect SM role model Satin!! I love my Dsc very much, I am the best SM I can be to them and they love me too.

I have spent years rising above and ignoring the crap that has come my way from their mother.... Name calling, numerous attempts to split up me and DP, offering DP sex, trying to get back together with him (when I was 30 weeks pregnant), bad mouthing me to the children, asking for money (we're talking thousands!) messaging me vile things etc... She affects our life day in, day out and you think I'm the bitchy school girl!

The Dsc have no idea any of this goes on, apart from what she says to them. They are completely protected from our end. The ONLY place I have ever spoken/ ranted about this is on here. Bitchy school girl I am definitely not!

You're right satinthedark. Its sad. Very sad. Tragic even.

Nowhere on here has anyone claimed to resent their DSC or anything like that. We simply expressed our frustration and upset, totally understandable feelings given the circumstances.

If you dont like whats being said, go away. AIBU is super for judging others. This is a support thread. If you cannot support, leave.

Carol Ann what was your SM experience like that ? My mum was pretty much single until we all left home after divorce . Dad had a partner but access was minimal and she was,... strange to say the least . Contact went to basically nothing however I think my mums behaviour was a massive influence on this . Sad to say she was a bitter , psycho ex W and used us all against our father . Perhaps that is why I am so laid back with my ex and his relationship with our DD . I am happy he has met someone nice who my DD likes

I haven't read the whole of this thread, so I can't claim to know exactly what's been said. However, I agree that a) steparenting, is a difficult and often thankless task, and b) that people who vent on MN, do so because it's a safe place to express frustration, irritation, and yes....even resentment!
It doesn't make them bad people, it doesn't make them SM's from hell, it just shows that they're human, and though they are trying hard to make things work for everyone, they have feelings too....which often seem to be viewed as so much less important than anyone else's, in the family dynamic!
Phew, there....I've said my piece! I've been one of the ventors on here, and even though, I think I have a less problematic steparenting life, than lots of posters, it's certainly helped me!