Join me for a second glass of virtual prosecco

[WhoGivesAFlying]

Thought I'd start a new thread as the other is now full. Come and share you SPing problems here, it's a safe place and hopefully some other wise SM can offer advice or just a large drink!

Super fed up of my DP having no backbone when it comes to his ex. I don't know what he's truly afraid of, but he bends at her every demand more or less, and has no end of trouble confronting her when she's in the wrong. Once again she's just dismissed him like he's a complete idiot, and it's actually making me really angry.

Itsplank welcome to the club....it's the norm for DF's to be totally off the radar where their DD's are concerned!

Sorry ItPank

Even sorrier ItsPank

Thank you for the welcome, might have to name change to plank instead, I'm beginning to feel like one! (made me laugh)

In my case I have a DSS Wdigin, it's really his mum and my DP's approach towards her that is making me feel fed up. We (he) has a series of issues that need to be discussed with her about DSS. His eating habits, which are becoming a huge problem at home...refusing to eat, only eating tiny amounts, and often gagging and spluttering during meals. He cannot use the toilet alone, cannot dress himself, and has been reverting to 'baby behaviour'...using a young childlike voice etc.

Once again DP's ex has basically told him just to push along, refusing any discussion about it. On top of this his latest pair of shoes that DP bought have disappeared at his mum's, and his only alternative pair hurt his feet he says. Once again this is nothing to do with her, she threw his shoes away as they apparently no longer fit, the alternative pair hurting my DSS's feet are my DP's problem as she didn't buy those either. She apparently can't buy him shoes, clothes, a school coat or anything really. Just ridiculous.

We're expecting a baby next month and summer holiday arrangements are up in the air. DP would normally have him for the full 6 weeks, but I have already said with my other children and DSS it would be too much to manage, especially as I'm having a c-section at the start of the holiday. So far she has ignored his suggestion of a 50/50 split, and is already sewing the seeds of a future guilt trip.

My DP always says he will talk to her, but in reality he barely speaks and she shuts him down. I'm tired of him being such a pushover, especially as he has little problem critiquing how I parent my children from a previous relationship.

Oh gawd Its sounds like you have serious problems there!

It's only Tuesday and I can already feel my anxiety levels rising for this weekends contact....hate when it gets like this

Jackal and Hyde, Disney, over defensive dad....let me go and sprinkle the floor with egg shells now

I'm still recovering from the weekend just gone. Sick of my DSD's mum causing problems. DP and his ex agreed hours re Father's Day in February but apparently that conversation didn't happen. Ended up having to show DSD the text that confirmed the arrangement . But her mum still said no. Then an hour or so later texted to say he could see DSD for 3 hours (4/5 hour round trip) and has now blocked DP and won't answer the landline so that he can re confirm that he will be there. Bloody ridiculous.

Chloe I have to say that if that were me I'd just do something another weekend so as to it give her the power. I know it's not fair but that's how you have to play it sometimes. One of the Dsc birthdays fell on a Saturday of our weekend and I said to DH shall we drop dsc back on the sat afternoon so mum had half the weekend with dsc. DH got there a bit late and got moaned at!!! Hold on, we are not late....we are 24 hrs early if you wanna be picky! I prefer not to have the dsc on Mother's Day as a) they miss time with mum and b) I miss half of my Mother's Day due to DH traveling the round trip slap bang in the middle of the day. So sick of my wants and feeling coming second.....well, what did I expect being the second family

That turned into a bit of another rant

WhoGivesA .... DP had worked out that Mothers Day was 'our' weekend and Fathers Day his ex's so asked if she'd like to swop weekends. Not a cat in hells chance - his ex kept DSD for Mothers Day weekend (last minute alternative was offered which we already had things booked and paid for so said no - this, apparently isn't good enough and DP should drop everything when his ex decides he can see DSD) and said he could see DSD for the day on Fathers Day. It's now 3 hours as DSD has to see her grandad for the rest of the day - although in Feb they'd agreed for DSD to see GD on Saturday..... I doubt Sunday will happen as if he doesn't speak to ex or DSD to confirm this week they will be out when he arrives to pick DSD up .... and ex won't answer the landline all week .... the sad thing is DSD said she does want to see her dad ..... we would have done something this weekend just gone but DP thought he was seeing DSD this weekend and when he texted his ex to check she had blocked him ...

Fathers day. Bloody nightmare.

< plonks arse down>

Just not feeling the love for this step parenting crap right now. Not one big thing, lots of little things adding together. Now got a big case of can't be arsed, can't see the point in meaningless chatter. Just can't be bothered

Sorry you hear your having a rough time needs... I'm feeling much the same, it's impossible sometimes if you don't have the support of your partner (that's me in talking about, not you). Something I can't be arsed and just want to take ds and walk.

Here you go

I wish DH I could relay to DH how hard it is sometimes without him getting so bloody defensive, if I were talking about any other kids he'd see what I mean.

Not particularly looking forward to the weekend now, as DP's mum has already begun her emotional breakdown over DSS.

She has apparently been complaining that she wants to buy DP a Father's Day card on behalf of DSS, but feels she can't because I'm pregnant and it's no longer her place. Nothing to do with the fact that our collective kids will buy him a card anyway as he is their 'father', nor that I would ever stop her buying one herself!

She wants DP to bring DSS alone to her house this weekend, so they can go and pick out a present for her youngest adult son (in his 30s), as DSS did the same for her other adult child's birthday some weeks ago. She believes it won't be fair if he has only chosen a present for one uncle but not the other. Sounds bizarre...trust me it is.

DP has said he won't be going over there to entertain it. I'm sure she'll find a way to blame me for that

She sounds mad !!
We've got DSC on Sunday afternoon and it's not their weekend to come!!!
I'm amazed and pleased for DP but I can't get excited about Fathers Day since I lost my dad. I hate it

The whole Father's Day thing fell off my radar due to dsd dance show this weekend... Luckily he's not expecting anything and we can pick up a card etc

So just need to get through the show with all his family, his ex and my family all attending

In the past, when we've all had vomiting and diarrhoea and we were due to have the stepchildren I have told DH to let their mum know so she can make a decision whether she wants them to come on not. She declined as it would cause her more trouble in the long run (and why would you risk your kids getting sick). So DH is on his way to collect the stepchildren and one of them has vomiting and diarrhoea I told him firmly that I did not want that stepchild to come at this time, not until it cleares up for at least 24 hours. I don't want us all getting sick and DS taking time off school and causing me a load of trouble . Am I wrong to expect the same courtesy pay towards me is I give her ? If it was a cough or cold that would be fine but vomiting and diarrhoea is particularly nasty.

You think she would give the same courtesy who gives but I guess she'll probably just see it as they're supposed to be with dad so he can deal with it. Different when she's stopping them getting sick I bet than when she's having to look after the sick one

I've seen posters get blasted for this before, saying well whet would you do of you were in a together family. One poster said but we are not in a together family, and if you can avoid children passing around nastie bugs then any parent should prevent that. I would not want to risk the dsc getting sick (or any friends/family for that matter) and I can't see how she would think it's ok to risk that too. If they came down with that here I wouldn't send them home till it had passed, and DH could, like you say, deal with it. It's such a nasty thing to have.

Yeah it really is quite inconsiderate to expose more people to it when they have already been exposed and it makes it more likely it will continue to get passed around the houses

We had this issue not too long ago. DSS had a high temperature and vomiting, and it was DP's weekend to pick him up. He made the decision to bring him to his grandmother's house, instead of here where my DC's could catch it. The whole thing led to a huge row, as I couldn't understand why he wasn't able to insist to his ex that he be left to recover in his own home rather than dragging him around in the car while he was ill! God knows where DP thought he himself would end up if he caught it too
I think where you can prevent it, it is best to try at least.

I'm lucky my DH understands this, he will miss dsc but wouldn't want to risk others.

I've always read in the past that when the ex gets a partner things (if they've in the past been strained) calm down.....we seem to be having the opposite! exgf is getting more and more difficult....I think the new fella (it's the first serious one) must be whispering in her ear. He has 3 of his own with two other women (but only one DC still in need of care) and mum is just being so difficult over things that have never been a problem in the past. Swapping weekends, changing pick up or saying not at all. I can't get my head round it. I would have thought she would be more understanding now that she has a d"s"c too.

God I'm being so irrational! Long day at dsd dance show which only me and dp take her to and her mum takes nothing to do with it. Mummy came to see the show obviously which is fine but there's no thanks for doing it or nothing. Just her being so proud etc. God at least it's over for a year now time for alcohol

Typical Sunday issues with DP's ex. As usual she contacts DP last minute to request that he drop DSS off late this evening. DP says he cannot. "Oh well" says ex, "you have no choice as no one will be home to take him before then". Apart from her mother who she lives with

Virtually every single week/holiday she does the same thing. Pick him up as early as possible, drop him off as late as possible. Nevermind the fact that DSS should be home in time to settle and get ready for school on Monday. Nevermind the fact DP has a job to wake up for at 5am. On top of that she had the cheek to accuse DP of treating DSS like an inconvenience. Absolutely fuming.