Join me for a second glass of virtual prosecco

[WhoGivesAFlying]

Thought I'd start a new thread as the other is now full. Come and share you SPing problems here, it's a safe place and hopefully some other wise SM can offer advice or just a large drink!

Imagine forgetting dragon didn't you know we only exist as stepmothers when the step kids are around?

On another note we're off to see Cinderella tomorrow at the panto

Blue That is very hard, effectively bonding with a child, being a mother to him, then handling complete rejection when DM comes along. It's quite selfless

Not really thought of it like that. So used to being the bad guy. It is sad.

So did we all survive Christmas and New Year? Ours was relatively uneventful with very little change of plans mostly cause we had dsd most of the holidays

Now we just have far too many toys yet another joy of blended families when there's only one child around and it's time to focus on 2017! Hopefully with a new house and a pregnancy if I'm lucky!

Matilda, glad you got through Christmas ok. Sometimes it's easier having the kids most of the time - at least you know what's going on don't you?

We had a relatively good time. One of my "current " issues is that dsd2 is v "loved up" with her boyfriend. She came home from uni declaring she would spend half her time at Mums house this holiday. She's spent 3 days in over 3 weeks at home with mum. She's either been at ours or at her boyfriends parents. I have had no idea whether I'll be feeding her and bf each day. I've asked dp to try and pin her down and ask her not to let me know an hour before dinner, but he won't say a thing to her. I've asked her and she just says she "doesn't know" what she's doing each day (I suspect she's letting her bf dictate her schedule, which I think is also something to talk through with her too).

I've just stopped expecting her and told her to cook for herself (which causes more issues ) if she can't let me know in good time. It doesn't help that her bf has a special diet so not easy to add him in on our meal anyway.

Dsd2 hasn't been asked by dp to lift a finger at home but has had use of our car the entire holiday and has been quick to let us know when her next lot of accommodation needs paying for.

She's a lovely girl but I do feel she's allowed to be a bit selfish and inconsiderate.

I heard her older sister telling her off for not letting her mum know she wasn't going for dinner. No one tells her off for not letting me know. But hey, I'm "only a step mum" aren't I?

Ah purple that doesn't sound like fun at all! Although teenagers will be teenagers I imagine my sister was the same with our mum throughout her teens with her bf and her coming and going or saying they would be there and then not being there for food! But definitely a little more consideration would be lovely! Especially if it is certain food needed!

Glad you had not too bad a time though I always find Christmas is a stressful time when I overthink it all beforehand but it tends to fall into place! Doesn't help that I'm the only "planner" in the three of us. They're far too laid back they'd leave all plans to the day before

I'm a planner too and I really struggle with not knowing what I'm going to be doing. I don't really blame dsd, but I do think a little pep talk from Dad about being a little less selfish might not go a miss.

It might not change anything but I'd feel a lot better and I'd certainly pull my son up on behaving that way (he's the same age).

Purple that is annoying. I too used to have that debate, with DP furious that it was 'DSDs home' and asking for advance notice was like putting her out on the street the way he reacted! It seems so common on these boards. Yet DSDs mum would just send her right back to ours if it wasn't convenient for her, DP wouldn't blink an eye. It's not just the dinners, all step families of shared living arrangement kids do need a break I think, to not be a step parent. If you don't know, it's like you can never 'switch off'. Yet your DP won't have that need - yet turned on it's head - why doesn't your DSD just give you a bit of notice? It really isn't much to ask.

I have to say I've had a best Christmas ever!

It was because I didn't see any of my step children over the holidays and just spent it with DP, my family and friends. Sometimes we step parents just need to not be a step parent - even if it is for just some of the time!

Bananas, you summed it up completely. I just would like to know when I'm "off duty".

Glad you had a good one.

Hey all, hope you all had a happy Crimbo