"no plans can be cancelled or rearrange without our say so! "
I think it is this I struggle with as a step parent.
I was single for a veeery long time, lived on my own for many years. So, moving in together with dp and dss was itself something of a shock. Then realising that this third party also has some say over what happens in my life was a real eye opener.
Dp can't see it at all, he says she doesn't have control over our lives. But she does. What we can do entirely depends on her plans, which she changes all the time. She just expects us to have him whenever she doesn't feel like it and we can't rely on her sticking to any arrangements.
Also, dss mood is totally dependent on her behaviour.
This week she has told him a 'secret' which he isn't allowed to tell anyone, even his dad. He has told me.
She told him this secret (which is about her partner and a new partner) last week and dss behaviour has been shocking since then.
Sunday she took him further into this secret, which led to him having to lie to us.
He had told me about the secret the first time she told him, but has said I am not allowed to tell dp. For then, I didn't mind much really, it just seemed like gossip.
But, this weekend, making him lie outright to his father's face - I am not happy with. dss told me further information about it and it's way too much detail for a 15yo to know about. Plus he should not be asked to keep secrets from his father and certainly not to lie to him.
dss is scared what his dm will do if she finds out he has told anyone and also what her 'partner' (ex?) will do if he finds out. This is obviously a stressful situation for him.
He told me the minute dp was out of the room so it has clearly been playing on his mind. I had guessed part of it anyway - I am more observant than dp.
dp is away at the moment. Obviously I have told him. But he has to pretend not to know, as I have to pretend with the 'd'm.
But I am not happy that dss has made me have to lie to and keep a secret from dp (not that I have done, but you see what I mean?).
What a ghastly situation to put your child in and what an immature woman she is.
So, now I need to sit down with dss and explain to him why he needs to tell his dad. I am going to have to tell him we don't keep secrets, and we don't lie to each other - and both those things are for very good reason. If he refuses to tell his dad I am going to have to say that I will.
I need to choose my moment, it was going to be when he got in from school tonight but I saw he wasn't wearing his cycle helmet and we managed to get into a row about that (he is refusing to wear it as he says it hurts, he says he asked dp for a new one and dp refused to buy one [really very unlikely unless there is no reason for him to be saying it hurts - he does have form on just demanding new things all the time for no reason] so he won't wear it, he says dp knows this and said it's fine - I said it's not and he'll have to get up early and walk to school tomorrow because he's not cycling without a helmet and I'm not driving him) - so, it wasn't really the right time and now he's gone off to one of his clubs.
It'll be too late when he gets back, so maybe tomorrow.