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Original poster

Join me for a second glass of virtual prosecco

410 replies

WhoGivesAFlying · 26/04/2016 09:42

Thought I'd start a new thread as the other is now full. Come and share you SPing problems here, it's a safe place and hopefully some other wise SM can offer advice or just a large drink!

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OutToGetYou · 04/07/2016 20:47

Hot news is that she has now moved in with her mum. I guarantee within a couple of weeks she'll be asking dp for money for a rental deposit.

And he will give it to her. He has already said he will consider it if she asks.

I feel a bit drained by dss behaviour over the last year or so. At least tonight we have had a meal where he hasn't spat any out, but we do have a guest and that does normally help.

Fourormore · 04/07/2016 20:58

And he will give it to her. He has already said he will consider it if she asks.

What's the benefit for him?
I really don't think I could put up with that!

OutToGetYou · 05/07/2016 00:22

The benefit to him, in his head, is keeping her quiet and dss living here. He thinks if he stops paying she will take dss away claiming he lives with her, so she gets the maintenance. Dss is more stable when he lives here so dp thinks it's a price worth paying. A year ago we found a suicide note he'd written, so dp is a bit worried. Not so worried as to actually discuss any of the issues with dss or the dm though!

It's not for me to put up with anyway, it's not my money, we have mostly separate finances and no other children.

princessjonsie67 · 06/07/2016 16:55

HI all. Just thought I would pop in and say to those following my horror story ,that this weekend a miracle happened . Disney Dad grew a pair and said NO. I had to lay down in a dark room to get over the shock but it happened. As predicted DSS arrived and wanted to arrive at 3am meaning that someone had to stay up to let him in. my DH said he couldn't come till 6am when he normally get up. I was impressed a stand was made at least. The miracle happened on the Saturday. We all went for a walk at my DH insistence where the conversation started about the night out at the strip club. He detailed what he would like to do and my DH said NO!!!!!!!. I nearly fainted. He said he didn't want to go, didnt think it was appropriate and it was not to be discussed further. In addition when my DSS announced that he didn't want to eat when the family ate at 7pm preferring to cook his own food at 11pm each night he once again said NO after letting him do it last night but not again. I came down this morning to a sink full of washing up which I ignored and went out to work leaving it. so all you people with Disney dads. When you wish upon a star miracles DO happen

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 06/07/2016 17:58

That's great! I'm so glad your DH said no to the highly inappropriate strip club! So did dss still cook at 11 and leave washing up?

OP posts:
Needmyowndesertisland · 09/07/2016 23:50

I should have learnt by now, there's a different set of rules for dss, and that normal etiquette doesn't apply to him, or his mum. I'm just not good at keeping my mouth shut and instead say but...

Every time dp and I disagree, it's over dss. Or more accurately, that dss has a way lower set of expectations and boundaries applied. Gah.

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 10/07/2016 09:35

Need DSS does need to adjust, as does your DP to meet you in the middle. Whatever he does with his mum at their house is different. However it's hard isn't it, if you are the one asking for change then tension is there.

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 10/07/2016 14:25

needs....an I ask, were you needsaholiday ?

OP posts:
ClaudoftheRings · 11/07/2016 08:32

Is it my imagination or has the main board got really hostile lately? I haven't seen the protagonists in here though. I wanted to start a new thread but don't feel I can with the current mood.

Anyone else seeing this?

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 11/07/2016 10:59

Claud it comes and goes....but but you do get to recognise the SP bashers. There's one I won't even acknowledge.

OP posts:
Bananasinpyjamas1 · 12/07/2016 00:44

To me it feels like RL sometimes follows me to these boards. As in, a SP seems to be fair game and a lot of assumptions (usually negative) are made.

I once saw a thread from a mother describing her child in the most awful way, and just got a lot of sympathy. A step parent experiencing the same difficulties would be vilified for even saying there was a problem, and blamed too. Sorry, the cynicism creeping in there... ! Blush

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 12/07/2016 00:44

I meant 'us' not 'me' in the first line.

Eliza22 · 12/07/2016 08:52

I agree. The thing that started to really upset me was when people on the threads would say "but he/she is just a child....you're the adult". I reached a point, having exhausted every option and strategy with my sd that at 18, she was actually a young adult. And not a very nice one. Enough excuses, she was making my life a total misery and for no other reason than that I'd married her dad. I'm sure if her mum's affair had worked out (it didn't; the guy wouldn't leave his wife and kids) everything may have been different. But dh's ex wanted to get back together....by which time he'd met me and I was totally resented henceforth.

Needmyowndesertisland · 12/07/2016 09:46

No, I'm not needsaholiday. Have posted on here under a different name, can't remember which!

I am trying to accept I cannot do anything about the different set of boundaries laid down for dss. All I can change is my reaction, and that needs to change. The only times dp and I ever disagree always has dss in the cause. My three, especially the older two can't cope with any disagreement between us, it's beginning more obvious as they become older. We (my dc and I) fled 7 years ago, they heard and saw way too much.

So I need to look at how I react- or don't react! And change my behaviour accordingly. DSS is 13 now, there are very few boundaries at his mums, no nasty adults telling him it's 7.30 on a school night so time to leave all screens, no mean rules making him leave his mobile downstairs at nights, and allowed to sleep in until tea time... I guess we can all predict what'll happen when he turns 16.

Fourormore · 12/07/2016 18:53

Pass the prosecco. Looks like DH isn't going to get to see his children for 8 weeks over the summer due to ex being hostile and the court messing up with endless delays. We have literally no money at all to put towards a court fee so we can even go for an urgent hearing. Four years we've been fighting this crap.

Needmyowndesertisland · 13/07/2016 09:51

that's crap. Is your dh able to stay in contact any other way?

Eliza22 · 13/07/2016 10:14

Fourormore Shock that's dreadful. Poor kids. Poor you and DH.

Fourormore · 13/07/2016 10:34

Nope, there will be nothing at all Sad DH is sending a begging letter to the judge to try and get the hearing moved forwards but I'm not hopeful. Poor kids. DH is going to see them for tea and have to tell them he might not see them for weeks and not even be able to explain why Sad

NerdyBird · 15/07/2016 12:01

Less than a week until school breaks up and we still don't know what the arrangements for summer are. It's at times like this I wish we didn't have long summer holidays, so hard to organise when one parent won't do their bit.

princessjonsie67 · 15/07/2016 13:09

Whogive a flying: On the first night he refused a meal cooked by me at 7pm and then at 11pm my DH was going downstairs to let the cat in and asked him if he wanted anything. he asked for 4 chicken burgers and curly fries. My DH said no and he should have eaten earlier with the family. He said he was starving and wasn't hungry at 7 as he always eats at 11pm. He was allowed that night but told by my DH that this was the last time and if he hadn't eaten by 8pm then tough. I was very proud of him I must say. He left the washing up on top of the dishwasher but I can pick my battles and that one I can overlook as a minor thing. The main problem we had this visit was his personal hygiene. In 14 days he showered 3 times and each time he had to be TOLD to. He washed his hair twice. We left him on his own for a weekend. This is causeaprt he booked the time off work without consulting us we had a christening to go to. When we returned you could smell him from the front door. My DH said he was still in the clothes we had left him in on the Friday and he had not showered, washed hair or brushed his teeth in 4 days. He insisted he did all that before he would spend anytime with him. He did it apart from wash his hair. My DH refused to take him out the next day until he did and he reluctantly did so. He has now gone home but my DH is mopping around the house like he has lost his right arm. Wouldn't mind but in the two weeks he was there he spend 4 days with him in total. Bloody Disney dads

Matilda2013 · 15/07/2016 23:39

How old is your step son that he can't clean himself? Hmm

So dp specifically asked his mum not to allow his ex and dd to stay at her house tonight as we don't think it's appropriate for her to be there all the time guess where they're staying don't think our thoughts and feelings really matter anymore but it's almost holiday time thank god! I need a break

OutToGetYou · 15/07/2016 23:48

How much is an urgent hearing? And....isn't it awful you have to pay to get a ruling to see your kids?

Princess, I can see dss ending up like that. He's been on work experience this week at a mechanics, he's been refusing to have a shower when he gets in and he's filthy.

He's been more stupid than normal about food this week too.

I've told him if he can't stop cracking his knuckles farting and making huge belching sounds when I am watching TV then can he please fuck off to his own room. It only stops for about a minute though.

Fourormore · 16/07/2016 00:01

The court fee is £215.

princessjonsie67 · 18/07/2016 08:51

Matilda2013 23 YEARS OLD !!! I would expect it from 23 months but not 23 years. He has now crashed his car and has decided that its a write off and needs another car (hint hint to daddy). It wasn't his fault he smashed into the back of a stationary car at traffic lights you understand. He only took his eyes off the road for a second and she didn't move quick enough when the lights charged. DH reply was "oh yes that can be so annoying" OMG. So watch this space on a new car for a man who refuses to work more than 8 hours a week.

Outtogetyou: you have my sympathy. Its disgusting isn't it. I love my house being clean,tidy and sweet smelling so when he is there its just horrible. I refuse to let people come over. Perhaps we should get them together lol? one saving grace for mine is he locks himself away in his dad office as that's where his computer is when he comes. Been gone a week and I swear I can still smell him

ClaudoftheRings · 18/07/2016 09:11

Princess, I have the rage on your behalf. What's so weird with this Disney parenting of grown-ups is that they are wasting their lives! Do the parents not want to them to fulfil their potential, have choices, achieve something, travel, or even just be functional?

I am dreading the school holidays. We have DSS for two weeks now. I doubt he will venture outside into the sunshine more than once.

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