Join me for a second glass of virtual prosecco

[WhoGivesAFlying]

Thought I'd start a new thread as the other is now full. Come and share you SPing problems here, it's a safe place and hopefully some other wise SM can offer advice or just a large drink!

IT sounds so simple doesn't it. Just tell her not to use it. It should be that simple and I certainly can tell her not to use it and I will if she uses it again but it will cause an argument and resentment. I guess one of the things I struggle with as a SP is how the simplest things are like walking in a minefield.
matilda I hope it works out better for you now that you're not fully involved. Certainly less stressful I hope.

Buy her a little tub of her own?

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B008FX2Z34/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

But I know what you mean, dss is always taking my stuff and not putting it back, so I can never find it. Chargers are the worst, but stapler, blutack, batteries (OK, wouldn't put back but let you know they've used them), towels, pads, pens....

She's a month off her 19th birthday so she can buy her own but it's honestly not about her using my belongings. Ok it's maybe somewhat about her using a container I put food in to mix up her makeup but it's Tupperware that sits in the kitchen she would have been welcome to use to store food in.
What I'm complaining about, badly lol, is the minefield of little issues that could be resolved very simply but turn into arguments and resentment because I'm a step parent. Does no one else experience this? Maybe it's just because she lives with us?

Actually I'm sure I'll get more of this when dsd is older (she's only five) at the moment all grown up adults in charge of her are as bad as the other

I'm in Matildas boat too with DSD being 5 and struggling with the adults. I'm hoping that by the time she is 19 that I'll have been around long enough that I can address some of the little niggly things myself.....hopefully. Sorry that doesn't help Findingpeace.

findingpeace I know exactly what you mean. I have my own kids as well as step kids, and the difference is the huge storm from saying even the simplest of things. My DSDs used to shoot me weird looks even when I asked them if they wanted breakfast... I literally would have the reply 'Why?'... Er... I was just asking as I was making some! Just a yes or no thank you...

It's all so exhausting!

Funnily enough it's not like that the other way round, my DS accepts my DP if he asks him not to do stuff. There's no atmosphere.

Bananas do you think that's the difference between the way girls handle a step parent compared to boys or is it a stepmum vs stepdad thing or a combination of both?

They do say that girls with a step mum, especially at teenage hood, is the most fraught combination. So I do think gender counts for a lot.

Also, my DP, like a lot of Dads, is desperate to be loved and needed and leaving the marriage made him fearful he'd lose that with his precious daughters, so became super indulgent with them. As well as that, he let himself become manipulated a lot, and lost respect.

And although I wasn't the other woman, his Ex Wife passed on a lot of her grievances to her daughters about me.

My Ex is a complete pain too, but he never stirs up trouble with my DP through my son, never puts him down. And I am fairly strict with my kids that they have to treat other people well. My son wanted me to have a partner too, he was completely open to adjusting. The girls did not want to adjust one inch. I don't know how much of that is a girl/boy thing, or what happened in their lives previously?

So... I suppose there are a lot of factors.

Findingpeace, I know what you mean too. The little things that you can't say, but which build up...it's exhausting. All holidays I've been wanting DSD (12 next week) to tidy her room, and to fold/hang her clothes up; I'd suggested it several times to DH, but he didn't do anything, so yesterday I spoke to DSD about it (she shares with DSD2, and I don't see why DSD2 should have to live surrounded by used tissues and dirty knickers). DSD1 immediately started crying - you'd think I was accusing her of murder. She still didn't really tidy up either! DH caught the end of it, and told me later it made him feel bad, so I asked if he meant because it wasn't my place to speak to his DD like that. He said that hearing me made him realize that he shouldn't have put me in the position of having to do it, as he should have dealt with it long ago...which is good, the first inkling of that he's ever shown - but we're not out of the woods.

justfor that is a very positive sign from your DH... My DSDs have cried and DHs immediate reaction was to shout at me. Sigh!

justfor really positive outcome!
I've found situations like this difficult too, where something needs to be said to dsd or she needs to be motivated to do something and it absolutely needs to come from dh but he puts it off or forgets (conveniently) about it. I then need to step up and have a word with her and the aforementioned upset and resentment ensues! I wish DH's response was the same as your dh!

Just got back from 2 weeks away with DSC. They were mostly fine but turned into brats for the last few days. I think they were missing their Mum but when I dared to say this to DP he took offence and turned Disney and fussed over them like a clucky old hen, which made them more bratty.
Such a shame because up until day 11 I was enjoying it and loving having them - by day 14 I was sick of them both.
We've got them this weekend too because the ex has decided she wants the weekend off even though she has just had 2 weeks

Heavens my dsd mum was the same when we were back from two weeks. Missed her so so much but yes you're still having her all weekend hopefully now they're back and won't be missing mum they won't be so bratty

For the first time in ages I just don't want them to come this weekend. I know that makes me a complete bitch but after their carry on at the end of our holiday and the last 3 days of working my arse off I just want to chill this weekend.

DSS phones last night with a list of demands he needs to go shopping for new trainers, wants to go to the cinema and then for dinner afterwards if you please!!!
He can jog on - they've just had a 5 grand holiday and they still want more. I feel like they bleed us dry both financially and emotionally and j just want a break!
Where's the

Heavens2Betsy - I can open a new bottle of 🍷 if needs be? Your DSs sounds very demanding :( My DSD's mum is messing my DP around yet again. It's always ongoing but the last 2 contacts she's been particularly nasty - telling DP that DSD (8) needs picking up from one place and then changing things last minute when he dares to suggest doing things slightly differently (to ensure less travel time for DSD). I'm sick of the impact one spiteful woman can have on our lives despite every attempt to minimise the effect she has. Might have to open two bottles, one each!

I'll join you all for another glass!

Heavens and Chloe I hope that you survived the last minute step child arrangements. It always makes me feel sad, as a child it is unsettling to now know who you are going to be with, and to feel perhaps one parent will just change at last minute to have more 'me' time.

In my own situation, I've come to accept more that my step kids are now pretty distant to me. It still irks my son, as none of them even remembered his birthday. For the first time I left it up to them, as they are adults now.

Heavens I'd say "That's a nice idea, DSS, thanks for offering to treat us all."

Hi all, hope you are all doing ok. I haven't been on in ages coz my DP's ex has just randomly decided hes abusive and cant have the kids. so we haven't had them in over a month and as awful as it is for him I'm loving it (I know that's mean but its sooooooo nice to have my place to myself every weekend)
The sad part is the 7 year oldis parroting his mother and told his dad he doesn't want to see him until hes a nice person (unfortunately when asked when dad wasn't nice he cant answer)

Have been on here for ages but need a rant!

Ever since my DH and his ex split up nearly 6 years now. He has collected and returned the children from his ex, on a Thursday night and alternate weekends a round trip of at least an hour.
Since Easter my DH has had to work away Monday - Thursday. It takes him 3 hours to get home on a Thursday and then he has to collect the children. Most weeks its nearly 7.30 before the childen get to eat dinner. His ex doesnt work Thursdays so he requested that his ex dropped the children over. She said no but did finally at least agree to cook them dinner before he collects, them cutting into his contact time and this means he misses out with eating with them which they all enjoy.
Why couldn't she just do the driving for a while.

• havent

So it appears we have a five (almost 6) year old dsd who has been put to bed as she didn't eat her dinner and then when told she was going to bed decided to kick me fab night so far and dinner seems to be a big problem nowadays! How is everyone else doing?

WSM123 all our kids were grown when we got together, so I've never had that visiting/access thing.....but I can still understand how you're feeling about not having the DSC for a month!
Matilda, how did you feel when the child kicked you, I know we have to be understanding and caring....but, in that moment I know I would have wanted to kick her back!
Yes, I know before everyone shoots me down, this is a 5 year old child who's life is turned upside down, and who lashes out because she doesn't know how else to deal with the situation, and of course I wouldn't have actually done it! But, come on...even DSM's are human

Wdigin she doesn't normally hit out at us. Her mum has said she does it to her but we are much stricter etc. I didn't want to kick her back but I'm not happy about it so she went straight to bed with a talking to from her dad! However when she got to bed she very quickly went to sleep so god knows if she just hasn't had enough sleep this week. Hopefully behaviour improves this week as she is here for most of it!

I've read it all now... a man gets accused of abuse but his wife is able to see the silver lining in her stepchild-free weekend!

I'm a stepmum myself and could never take pleasure in my husband's pain like that.