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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Did your DSC come to your wedding?

121 replies

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/02/2016 11:24

If your DP had children when you met, did they come to your wedding? How did their DM feel about it?

Did it depend on how old they were? If you're not married but think you might be, have you thought about how it would work?

OP posts:

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ProfessorBranestawm · 02/02/2016 11:40

Of course! Wouldn't have dreamed of having it without them.

My DSDs were 10, they were my bridesmaids. They chose their own outfits (one wore a suit as she hates dresses).

One of them also did a reading for us. The other was in charge of the flowers, as she hates reading.

DSS was 16 and he was one of our witnesses.

I have no idea what their mum thought about it, but she didn't attempt to prevent it. We had been together for several years by then, she really hated me (I wasn't the OW or anything, they were already divorced long before we met)

We were already in the hotel for a day before the wedding, so my friends picked them up on the way down on the day. They had a night in the hotel (their own room, since DSS was old enough) and my dad dropped them back the next day.

The idea of them not being a part of it would never have entered our heads TBH.

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 02/02/2016 11:54

I know that my Ex has involved our son in every element of his wedding plans - including asking him to be the best man!

He says he's his best friend and wants him to walk him up the aisle.

I don't think that's a great thing to ask my son. To be part of the wedding, sure, but best man is 'isn't everything wonderful and aren't we a jolly family' - sticks in my throat! It's just a bit too far, part of my sadness about this is that my EX puts a lot of pressure on our son to be his 'best friend' and has never bothered with any parenting.

However, I've chatted delicately with my son to see if this has made him feel weird, and he's fine and not traumatised of anything so I'll just let them get on with it and keep my mouth diplomatically shut.

Zampa · 02/02/2016 11:57

I think to not invite them would be odd. In my mind excluding them from the wedding, excludes them from the new family.

I love the idea of DSS being DP's best man and will be suggesting it to him for our wedding.

3phase · 02/02/2016 12:00

No and it's bloody awkward now she's starting to look at photos and ask about it. Especially when she realised when my goddaughter (who is the same age as a DSD and is now one of her friends) was a flower girl.

Unfortunately at the time her Mum would have seen hell freeze over before she'd have let her come. DH was in the process of going through the courts to get contact and DSD was a toddler so she wasn't aware of missing out then at least.

DragonsToSlayAndWineToDrink · 02/02/2016 12:03

DSD 9 was my bridesmaid and one of our witnesses. We have been together since she was 3, and she doesn't remember her own parents being a couple

My DPs got divorced when I was 15- DB and I were at both their second marriages although I had no role in my DFs.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 02/02/2016 12:15

If we do ever get married (all very hypothetical for us though because chances are very slim that we will get married seeing I don't really want to get married) then of course dsd would be at our wedding and I don't think her mum would mind. If she did then it would be a big surprise.

momb · 02/02/2016 12:19

DSDs were bridesmaids at our wedding and eldest also did a reading.

principalmean · 02/02/2016 12:20

Yes, DSS lives with us so it would have been strange not to have him there. He was 14. DH's ex hasn't had contact for years and doesn't know that DH got married, we have no contact details for her.

blueistheonlycolourwefeel · 02/02/2016 12:22

My DSD was 5 when me and her dad got married. She was a bridesmaid and was completely involved. She got changed after the ceremony and had a great time running around the venue.
Her mum threatened to come to the ceremony and I said she was welcome despite hoping she wouldn't come and she didn't.
My DSD also came to my subsequent civil partnership after me and her dad's relationship broke down.

Ludways · 02/02/2016 12:24

Dsd was a bridesmaid, she was 6 at the time. I wouldn't have had it any other way. My ds (dh's son too) was page boy. Photos are lovely. Exw was ok as far as I'm being told.

PurpleDaisies · 02/02/2016 12:25

My arsehole step mother didn't invite me (or any of my sisters) to their wedding, lied and said no one else was there apart from my dad and then put pictures on Facebook of the wedding...with all her children there.

Don't do that.

StUmbrageinSkelt · 02/02/2016 12:27

DSD was bridesmaid. Her face in every photo says what she thinks of it and it isn't pretty.

Ex was invited to the wedding and stood up and made a speech welcoming me to their family. That was kinda awkward.

With the benefit of hindsight, I wish DSD had been given more agency about being in the wedding party. There was no question of her not being at the wedding.

MirandaWest · 02/02/2016 12:29

DPs DS will be his best man at our wedding (he is 20 which may make some difference).

When XH got married then of course our DC were there. They're his children as well

MirandaWest · 02/02/2016 12:30

I didn't mind in the slightest that they were at XHs wedding - I can't understand why they wouldn't have been.

Jivetoes · 02/02/2016 12:44

I was best man for my Dad when he remarried, I was 20 (and a woman not a man) but my dad and I are so close! Step sisters were 16 and 18 and were bridesmaids.

diggerdigsdogs · 02/02/2016 12:48

When I was 17 I went to my dads wedding and found it really upsetting.

DH and I eloped so no one came and we could avoid the whole issue of kids/family/step parents/stepchildren etc.

I wouldn't change our wedding day for the world.

fuzzywuzzy · 02/02/2016 12:50

DP was at his dad's wedding he was in his twenties then and his dad's best man.

SevenSeconds · 02/02/2016 12:51

I'm not a step parent, but the DSC have attended all the second weddings I've been to.

Sunbeam1112 · 02/02/2016 12:53

My DS attended his dads wedding recently. Had no issues whatsoever with him attending? I dot undrrstand why people would. Would of been furious if he wasn't apart of it and excluded. DS enjoyed being page boy.

Maybe83 · 02/02/2016 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maybe83 · 02/02/2016 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gazelda · 02/02/2016 12:58

Same here Purple. We were tots at the time, me and DSis weren't invited to my DF's wedding, SM's DS was. Not a great way to kick of family harmony (we all lived together afterwards).

PurpleDaisies · 02/02/2016 13:13

I'm not sure if it's better or worse that my sisters and I were all in our twenties gazelda. I'll be civil to her because I'm a grown up but she basically killed any chance of a meaningful relationship (I blame my dad too-but he's a bit of a wimp who'll do anything for a quiet life and there's no way he'd have suggested not inviting us).

VoldysGoneMouldy · 02/02/2016 13:24

I can't imagine getting married without my son. I married his step dad last year, he was DH's best man, gave us the rings, and we had some lovely photos of the three of us done.

ExP is a massive twat but even he wouldn't have imagined of objecting to DS being at the wedding. If he was to ever get married, I would be absolutely bemused if DS wasn't invited.

Foreverconfused · 02/02/2016 13:25

This is one of the reasons why partner and I haven't really spoken of marrying yet despite nearly being together for 10 years and having 2 kids. My youngest step kids are teenagers now their mum hates the thought of partner and I with a vengeance (I wasn't the OW). I don't think it would be fair to create a situation where my stepkids would either feel excluded (if we chose not to invite them ) or feel like they were betraying their mother (if we did invite them). Luckily , I've never been big on marriage so isn't a problem and I'd imagine if I did then I would have just told stepkids it was their choice and we wouldn't take it to heart of they didn't come (partner would but wouldn't tell them that).

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