What happens if we just reduce child maintenance ??

[chablisfan]

Hi
Would really appreciate some constructive advice
Please please please no step mummy bashing.. I do not have poisonous apples and I think they are beautiful and amazing kids. Ok ? ??????please be nice.

Have DSS 8, DSD 5 and DSD 4
Also my DS 8 ( I divorced when he was 3)
DP shares with his ex 60/40 residence order.

DP had separated from and lived apart from ex before youngest born for reasons it isn't my place to post .. But it was more than understandable he chose to leave... Trust me on that one..... Plenty of eye witnesses etc.
if you have ever been in the divorcee late 30s dating arena then you will know all their ex wife's are " mental" ( usually an emotionally unsupportive ex husband referring to Post natal depression there ) ... But there is the odd genuine crazy lady out there ??

I met him a year later. We are in process of slowly "blending " the 2 sets of kids and so far so good... Play dates, weekends, progressing onto holidays etc....plan to buy house together. My son and I will move to Scotland , where they live, from London so we can all be together as much as possible as DP travels for work so much.

Reading some books on it, getting some advice, having a few 5 minute sulks at each other and then realising amazing kids are just getting on with it beautifully thank you very much and we can open the wine now!!

He tried to keep divorce as amicable and low key as possible for all. He was financially very generous to the ex.. In fact she wouldn't agree to the divorce and withheld the children etc etc to procure even more money... Basically he paid through her through the nose in order to secure a split residence order....this has just been done. ????

They drew up a childcare and financial arrangements agreement ( Scotland so slightly different divorce procedure) he voluntarily paid all legal costs.
He pays her 1200 a month .. Well Above csa ... And mortgaged himself and borrowed from parents to leave her mortgage free. She got half pension also. He just wanted to get away from her but not lose his Kids and accepted she wasn't going do it unless she got cash. she retained her own assets from before the marriage.. He pretty much gave her his.

She was working freelance occasionally.
Now she is working permanently
For some reason her yearly earnings slip went to his address.. Same last name so easily opened. Omg ???? she is earning a lot of money. Nearly as much as him given tax situation.

Yet she keeps pleading poverty and asking for half her au pair costs etc. He and now we pay for clothes and toys for them .. DSS don't even have dolls at home or dress up princess stuff and kept turning up looking like Amish kids in dungarees. It makes them happy so that's great and they are so lovely ... But where does her child maintenance go ??????

So... I am getting to the point i promise..
In the divorce agreement she insisted on the wording " pay £1200 a month maintenance or csa whatever is the greater" .
Is he able to reduce his monthly maintenance payment to her something nearer csa ( actually £ 800 when she wasn't working but given her wages actually less, although we don't want to risk the kids going without)

???????

My spousal maintenance from my ex is going to stop when I move in with DP. I have sole custody of DS but I work part time at a job I love but isn't going to pay the mortgage ( just extras really ) and DP has a great job he loves with super perks for us as a family... Pays welllish but tax man really gets the main perk. So we are up against it

We want to send kids to private secondary school if we can (the 2 boys both seem to need smaller class sizes and we have had some
Bullying issues which were really upsetting) ... Neither ex will help with fees.

It isn't really possible for DP and their mum to sit down and chat it over... She really has a lot of bitterness toward him for going against God and nature and breaking up the family etc. and I am the whore of Babylon obviously so not me either.

Anybody know how it works?
If he just reduces the monthly amount is he going to be in huge trouble ? I am pretty sure from my googling he does have grounds to reduce it but given that line in the court order ????

Every time you ask a solicitor a question it costs about a million quid!!

Really grateful and sorry such a long winded essay here!!

.

NRPs, and particularly their girlfriends, have no say whatsoever in what the RP spends the maintenance on.

Do you see courts asking for itemised bills? Me neither.

It's none of your business.

The exW could be saving it all up to pay for a fortnight in Barbados - as is her right.

If you think the kids are being neglected, call SS. Thought not.

Reg that's absolute shit!! Sorry about digressing away from the OP but I really have to respond to this personal attack which is utter guff!

you are a big believer in the first child should get very little by way of understanding or time and money for that matter

I pressume you're speaking about the post where I suggested that a 13 year old, who has lied in an attemp to split the family up, should not be rewarded with a holiday and treats etc? Not because she was a first child, because she was being a brat!

Just to clarify, as I have done in other posts, my DSC mean the world to me. I don't think SC should get special treatment to the detrement of resident children and resident children shouldn't get special treatment because they are resident! They should be equal in as much as possible! You are very picky with what you choose to read aren't you? Take it you 'missed' the part of my thread where my I paid maintenance for my DSC when my DP couldn't because his useless exw spent all his money? Illegally as it turns out? Or did you just see me 'dissing' her?

think it's safe to say the views of most posters on here are dictated by their own experience.

Anyway, back to the original post

I also disagreed that step children should be the parents priority because 'they were the first child, the original child so their needs should be a priority over new children' if that makes me a SC hater then fair enough

How do you "go through" an internet bill anyway, it's not like they detail the websites or even the time spent online, ours just says the month and £34.

Hi chablis - only read the first few posts on this thread so sorry if I'm repeating stuff . Irony that you are being bashed on here for suggesting you may need to reduce maintenence to sdcs - my ex has just cut maintenance to me because he is annoyed my dp has bought a new car, so obviously means "we" have too much money. Yet I seem to be getting bashed as a greedy cow on my post for moaning about it!!

In my experience, a court finance order only stands for 1 year. After that, either party can reapply to have the amounts changed. What that really means is that as long as you are paying at least the csa minimum, you can legally reduce payments as this would be backed in court. I'm not saying you should though - that is your decision and depends on how much shit you want to stir up. Your dps exes earnings are nothing to do with you (although I do understand how you could have seen the wage slip). If you feel the money is not being spent on the dcs, could you contribute to more things directly? school trips, uniform, clubs etc and reduce payments based on these (ensuring you stay at least at csa rates)?

Internet was with the TV. He complained about her purchasing on demand services and why was she renting films on demand on a Fri night at x time

I haven't read all these posts
I am not sure I want to read anymore -- and I wouldn't even know where to begin answering every accusation'
Sorry but there is some user nastiness here and some real personal issues I suspect
I didn't open anybody's post -- DP did by accident -

I posted this on his behalf to try and get some sensible advice or shared experience--

It has been suggested I repost on legal board
Good idea

For the record when she was withholding DSS from him and refusing to agree to a divorce I suggested he offer her more money just to appease her-- which she took and did a total u turn- I also suggested he paid her well above csa as it was insufficient in my view- they settled out of court -

The wage slip was her annual earnings so back to April 2014.

I apologise if I have offended anybody but I do not consider myself over involved or the other names used " truly horrible person?? " really ? Shame on you

I did however feel horribly sad for DP and his family when she withheld the kids '
They settled out of court and it was done so clearly under false preferences given her earnings

No issue with dungarees except the girls wanted frozen dresses instead-- they are not permitted to wear skirts or dresses at their mum's

The remarks about my being money grabbing and living off one partner then another are incorrect -- I shant dignify with a response

Have a lovely evening ladies

Yes he can go to a solicitor definitely am not posting on this board again wow !!!!!

Bye OP hope it all works out.

Probabl see you back here 6 months after you have moved in with tails of how the SDC are taking over and DP is a Disney dad who's ex is a money grabbing bitch with no soul and you armed left to do all. The running around and parenting.

If we strip away the details of your post, you are asking if your partner can cut maintenance payments to the CSA minimum. Probably yes, though I am not a lawyer and don't know the details of their legal agreement. Paying the CSA minimum is fair given that he is meeting other essential and nonessential costs and has 40% residence. If cutting payment will not impact his dc negatively, then fair enough.

But that ignores all the fallout of cutting the payments. You are talking about his relationship with his children. If he has to cut maintenance to pay their school fees, then maybe the fallout is worth it. But that is his decision and you would be well advised to stay leagues away.

What if the payslip of the NRP was opened and the ex wife found out the father of her children was earning more, I'm sure there would be calls to have his maintenance reassessed.

As far as OP having no access or right to see what her DP is earning/paying out each month, if I were to move in with someone, I'd want to discuss financial matters with them and be as open as possible.

What if the payslip of the RP was opened and the ex husband found out the mother of his children was earning less.

I doubt the OP would be pushing him to pay more.

chipped ^ totally agree

And given that one of the children has 'mild learning' disabilities, I doubt private school is the best place for him. They don't seem to tolerate anything out of the ordinary

I suggested he offer her more money just to appease her-- which she took and did a total u turn- I also suggested he paid her well above csa as it was insufficient in my view

What a massive drip feed OP. That is the kind of thing i would have expected to see in the OP or second or third post. Not a day later when youve had time to think of it

The remarks about my being money grabbing and living off one partner then another are incorrect -- I shant dignify with a response

isnt that what it is though? Are you really saying your are able to support yourself and your DS with just your part-time teaching wage?

As the RP:

1. What I earn is not his or her business - so butt out

1. What I earn has no bearing on what the father of my offspring contributes to HIS childrens up bringing.

3.£800pcm for 3 DCs on CSA rates would suggest your DP earns in the region of £8000pcm - he can sodding afford it. Sorry if it should drop toCSA £800 from 1200 - you are not paying double.

1. Yes you pay for stuff when the DCS are with you. That si why the amount you pay is less than it would be.

1. School fees are for a discussion between him and her and if she does not want to pay - the tough.

1. What I pay CM on is none his or her your business -a % of the electricity, gas, TV, water, internet, food, phone, clothes, entertainment holidays, petrol etc etc all come out of maintenance - aah yes those bills just do not count in the eyes of many.

1. This is not spousal maintenance - this is what he should be paying for his DCs.

Not step mummy bashing - but believe me DCs cost monies, my EX earns over £100000 pa - he pays £400 pcm for 3DCs and no that does not come close to covering what they cost. I am lucky I earn a good wage by working my butt off and no I do not have the luxury of sitting on my butt looking after 2 physically ill children who need a huge amount of medical input and support - I work to fit it all in, pay for child care etc etc etc.

Butt out - My monies go on my DCS and just because I can afford more it does not mean he should pay less.

Sorry - a very sore point for many RPs.

My monies go on my DCS and just because I can afford more it does not mean he should pay less

this is exactly it - something you see all too regularly - 'she can afford it'. Actually, I can't. I just juggle really well. I'm fucked when it comes to old age and god help me if anything major happens to the house.

I can afford to pay for my dc. In fact, from next month the entirety of the child maintenance will go into an account for the dc to access when they are older. I'd rather that than fritter it away right now.

Doesn't make any difference to ex though. He pays because he legally has to. Whether I save it, spend it or set fire to it is up to me. Whether I win the lottery or get a promotion - none of this changes the fact that he is legally obliged to stump up for his kids.

I don't think anyone has said she doesn't have the right to know what he earns or pays out. Knowledge is different from encouraging a reduction in his child maintenance though.

If he has genuine concerns that the children aren't being properly provided for why has it taken until now to question it?

The timing is suspect though, girlfriend who works part time with a child who is going to lose financial support she needs is moving in and the same old line is trotted out. "She's not using the child maintenance for the children"

Whether the OP likes it or not she admitted herself she needs his financial support. Whilst I agree there is come and go on this why is the existing child maintenance agreement the pot that the pennies come out of?

I accept what the OP says about the increase in wages that her boyfriend wasn't aware about but as I mention in a post above, my earning Ms have increased hugely on paper. When extra childcare is taken into account, tax credits adjustments etc there is absolutely no more money going through my bank.

She is critical of this woman for having her mortgage paid off by her ex husband and yet she has openly stated that her wage won't cover the mortgage and it's just for extras. So her mortgage will be being paid off by him too.

Just because I can afford more doesn't mean he should pay lessthat what I said in my post up the thread, and that the whole point IMO

"I accept what the OP says about the increase in wages that her boyfriend wasn't aware about "

Er yes - he has no right to know about her increase in pay.

They are not married anymore. MY DO has had 3 payrises and in the last month a very big one due to promotion. Do I know the exact figures - no. He did not pay any maintenance for the first year and the pittance that he does for the last 18 months.

I think the OP is completely unrealistic - 4 DCs in private secondary school is going to cost at the least £80000 - to clear that to pay the school fees alone you need to be earning in excess of £180K if not more. Then the mortgage then the maintenance etc etc etc etc.

The issue here is the EX is earning good monies, new DP and the father did not realise and now feel cheated that they have to pay her to have the children 60% of the time. Good Luck to her - they split for whatever reasons, she was left with a new born baby and 2 DCs and she has picked herself up and done well. Obviously no claiming tax credits, benefits etc and still she gets crucified.

This is just jealousy - his children, he pays.

If an agreement was drawn up based on her income as well as his then it may well be his business if her circumstances have changed the agreement may be out of date/void.

As far as I am aware the NRP contribution to the children is based on their income only as it isn't about who earns more but about what the NRP earns and can afford. The exw income is of no relevance as she will obviously spend her earnings on taking care of the children 60% of the time.

If he wants his payments to change then he will need to have a drop in come or another baby. However I think if he just reduces it the exw could take him back to court. I am not really sure how it works in Scotland.

You're right when it comes to most cases but the OP stated that the agreement they have was based on both their earnings. It's not unheard of.