What happens if we just reduce child maintenance ??

[chablisfan]

Hi
Would really appreciate some constructive advice
Please please please no step mummy bashing.. I do not have poisonous apples and I think they are beautiful and amazing kids. Ok ? ??????please be nice.

Have DSS 8, DSD 5 and DSD 4
Also my DS 8 ( I divorced when he was 3)
DP shares with his ex 60/40 residence order.

DP had separated from and lived apart from ex before youngest born for reasons it isn't my place to post .. But it was more than understandable he chose to leave... Trust me on that one..... Plenty of eye witnesses etc.
if you have ever been in the divorcee late 30s dating arena then you will know all their ex wife's are " mental" ( usually an emotionally unsupportive ex husband referring to Post natal depression there ) ... But there is the odd genuine crazy lady out there ??

I met him a year later. We are in process of slowly "blending " the 2 sets of kids and so far so good... Play dates, weekends, progressing onto holidays etc....plan to buy house together. My son and I will move to Scotland , where they live, from London so we can all be together as much as possible as DP travels for work so much.

Reading some books on it, getting some advice, having a few 5 minute sulks at each other and then realising amazing kids are just getting on with it beautifully thank you very much and we can open the wine now!!

He tried to keep divorce as amicable and low key as possible for all. He was financially very generous to the ex.. In fact she wouldn't agree to the divorce and withheld the children etc etc to procure even more money... Basically he paid through her through the nose in order to secure a split residence order....this has just been done. ????

They drew up a childcare and financial arrangements agreement ( Scotland so slightly different divorce procedure) he voluntarily paid all legal costs.
He pays her 1200 a month .. Well Above csa ... And mortgaged himself and borrowed from parents to leave her mortgage free. She got half pension also. He just wanted to get away from her but not lose his Kids and accepted she wasn't going do it unless she got cash. she retained her own assets from before the marriage.. He pretty much gave her his.

She was working freelance occasionally.
Now she is working permanently
For some reason her yearly earnings slip went to his address.. Same last name so easily opened. Omg ???? she is earning a lot of money. Nearly as much as him given tax situation.

Yet she keeps pleading poverty and asking for half her au pair costs etc. He and now we pay for clothes and toys for them .. DSS don't even have dolls at home or dress up princess stuff and kept turning up looking like Amish kids in dungarees. It makes them happy so that's great and they are so lovely ... But where does her child maintenance go ??????

So... I am getting to the point i promise..
In the divorce agreement she insisted on the wording " pay £1200 a month maintenance or csa whatever is the greater" .
Is he able to reduce his monthly maintenance payment to her something nearer csa ( actually £ 800 when she wasn't working but given her wages actually less, although we don't want to risk the kids going without)

???????

My spousal maintenance from my ex is going to stop when I move in with DP. I have sole custody of DS but I work part time at a job I love but isn't going to pay the mortgage ( just extras really ) and DP has a great job he loves with super perks for us as a family... Pays welllish but tax man really gets the main perk. So we are up against it

We want to send kids to private secondary school if we can (the 2 boys both seem to need smaller class sizes and we have had some
Bullying issues which were really upsetting) ... Neither ex will help with fees.

It isn't really possible for DP and their mum to sit down and chat it over... She really has a lot of bitterness toward him for going against God and nature and breaking up the family etc. and I am the whore of Babylon obviously so not me either.

Anybody know how it works?
If he just reduces the monthly amount is he going to be in huge trouble ? I am pretty sure from my googling he does have grounds to reduce it but given that line in the court order ????

Every time you ask a solicitor a question it costs about a million quid!!

Really grateful and sorry such a long winded essay here!!

.

I spend my child maintenance on gin and nail varnish. Keeps me occupied in the lonely evenings....

I don't get any but if it did I think my preference would be champagne and handbags - cause imma lady

Not sure why some on here believe that NRP should much pay whatever RP ask without questioning it?

My DPs ex phoned him up at 8pm on a Friday night asking for £100!! Said it was to take DC out shopping for clothes the next day. He said he would take it round in the morning and she went batshit crazy. He duely took it to her to keep the peace. We were at a function on the sat night that I had to spend more than I'd planned because DP had given her that money (it was for the children after all so I accept that that's how it is. On the Sunday he asked the kids what they got, they got shipped to their aunties on Saturday because mum was rough after her night out on Friday waiting for the cries of doesnt a RP deserve a night out yes, of course they do, just not funded by their ex under the guise of 'it's for the children'. Some RP do lie and use children to get money out of NRP. It does happen.

OP your well within your rights to question his massive overpayments of it affects your life together.

Jakie I'm not sure how closely you have read the OP but this is an AGREED amount between the couple as part of their settlement.

The ExW is not tapping the OP's DP for beer money.

Any change to the settlement should be done either by consent or in court.

Not sure why some on here believe that NRP should much pay whatever RP ask without questioning it?

Are you posting on the right thread? Because no-one here has said that.

OP said in her opening post the residency was 40/60 so it's not as if the mother has all the expenses. I think there is a point to have maintenance reduced if one person's earnings change significantly. Both sides have to play fair. If they don't trouble will surely come.

OP your well within your rights to question his massive overpayments of it affects your life together.

No, she could question his sky bill, his alcohol consumption, his season ticket, his lads weekends away, his consoles and games expenditure. What you dont do when you start a relationship with a parent is start questioning what they choose to spend on their children. Just because £1200 isnt the legal minimum he has to pay does not mean he is massively overpaying! He can pay as much as he wants for his children! Do you think people who are resident parents are "massively overpaying" when they spend more than the bare minimum to feed their dcs and clothe them? Would it not be frankly quite strange if a resident parent had a large income yet chose to provide just the bare minimum for their child whilst simultaneously supporting another partner and their child including private education?

I don't think for one second that a NRP should pay whatever is asked. They made an agreement and by all means question it.

My issue is the OPs stance that it's ok for her to go from partially living off her ex through spousal maintenance and when her and her boyfriend move in together that stops and therefore the responsibility of providing for her moves from the ex to the new boyfriend and in order to do that he should stop paying as much child maintenance. The reasoning seems skewed to me. It may be the case that the ex's income has increased but that seems like (and I could be wrong) a justification that the money currently supporting his kids should go on supporting her instead.

I think that's the part that doesn't sit well. That and the fact they don't live together currently, she lives hundreds of miles away and she is referring to herself as "step mummy" and think she has say over thins such as schooling. That would fuck me right off as a parent.

Yes I'm on the right post. OP said exw is always pleading poverty Despite the extra he is giving. If her circumstances have changed and she is earning a lot more then why is she so skint? OPs DP is well within his rights to question that given the amount he is giving them and the effect that's having on his life? If he doesn't believe the money he gives is going towards the children then question away I say.

Surly I am quite sure it is not just OP that is questioning it? I would imagine that her DP is too otherwise he would tell her to do one! The settlement was made as it is because the exw witheld contact until she got what she wanted, doesn't sound to me like he was happy with it at all but that he was willing to give or sign anything to see his children. Sounds more like bribery than a fair agreed settlement. Not fair to blame the OP.

OP said exw is always pleading poverty Despite the extra he is giving. If her circumstances have changed and she is earning a lot more then why is she so skint? OPs DP is well within his rights to question that given the amount he is giving them and the effect that's having on his life? If he doesn't believe the money he gives is going towards the children then question away I say.

Umm none of that^ says that some on here believe that NRP should much pay whatever RP ask without questioning it? which is what you said and why i questioned if you were on the right thread, can you point out the posts that say NRP should much pay whatever RP ask without questioning it?

Despite the extra he is giving
He isnt giving extra

OPs DP is well within his rights to question that given the amount he is giving them and the effect that's having on his life?

Yeah, he can question it. OP cant. Its none of her business.

A point about her income increasing, it could be a case of swings and roundabouts really. My earnings have increased dramatically however my childcare costs have too and benefits such a tax credits decreased alongside that.

On paper I earn more money now however, there is no extra money actually going through my bank account.

The point being we don't know, and the OP is unlikely to know either since she is going off one payslip. As I said the OPs boyfriend has every right to question it if he feels the agreement should be void due to an increase in salary however to me the OP seems to be backing this as it would suit her alot better that, that money is used to provide for her. Nice.

Surly I am quite sure it is not just OP that is questioning it?

Wow, how are you so sure of that? Do you know more than OP has shared with the rest of us on this thread?

I would imagine that her DP is too otherwise he would tell her to do one!

you would be amazed at what some people let new partners away with at the expense of their relationship with their DCs.

surly look through the posts. Plenty Saying it is none of their business what the exw spends the maintenance on is the same as not questioning it. It is their business if she pleads poverty and he gives her extra money based on that when infact she is managing perfectly well with what he gives them.

Haven't seen anyone comment on the fact she witheld contact with the children to get half his pension, her mortgage paid in full, all his previous assets and the legal fees paid? Sounds to me like he was left with nothing although that might not be the case, just sounds that way. That's harsh IMO and very unfair!

no I don't surly but OP stated in a PP that her DP knew she was posting this on here so it's a fair presumption that he had been part of the discissions isn't it?

Plenty Saying it is none of their business what the exw spends the maintenance on is the same as not questioning it.

It is none of their business, certainly not OP's. If their father suspects neglect then he needs to make an application to become the PWC and report to SS. It is his business what he pays for his children, he can question that figure and alter it if he chooses.

It is their business if she pleads poverty and he gives her extra money based on that

his business. And he isnt giving her "extra" he is giving the same amount agreed in the separation agreement.

Nobody has commented on it because we have no idea if that is true. I have read very sorry tails of the ex saying his wife bled him dry yet in truth she got what she was entitled to and no more. Many a man loves to paint the ex as a controlling loony and a large percentage of the time it is bullshit.

The one thing most posters agree on is that it is none of the OPs business and she should keep her nose out.

but going on the presumption it's true, surely you must think it is wrong! And there are many men. Who walked away from marriages with nothing, I live with 1! I agree that OP shouldn't make the decision on maintenance but it's pretty clear from her posts that she is speaking for her DP. Yes, perhaps he should have typed it but she said he knew.

I'm working on the basis that these posts are true. Don't think it's right to ignore certain parts if it because 'most guys stories are bullshit' in your opinion. Some aren't!

Surly OP says he paid extra for the nanny because his exw pleaded poverty, so obviously the maintenance didn't cover it. That is extra, on top of the maintenance. But working on the presumption that anything negative about the exw is bulkshit it's hard to know what to say . In the words of dragons ... I'm out!

Get over yourself Jackie. I am aware of your stance from previous posts and you always diss the ex wife and the SDC There is no point presuming it is true as we just don't know so cannot comment on it.

Nobody was ignoring it but as the OP was told many times it is not her business. It wasn't until much much later she said she was asking on his behalf!

The OP does not live with this man and I think the poster who summarised stating that the OP wants to go from being looked after by her ex to being looked after by her new guy got it spot on.

None of this is her business and should he want answers then he needs to pay for them via a solicitor.

What exactly is my 'stance' reg? You are right, I do 'diss' my DPs ex wife on here because she is, on the whole, a greedy manipulative bitch. don't think I've ever 'dissed' the DSC though. I know plenty of good single mothers whose exs are total twats and less than useless, but I know there's always two sides to a story. On here you can only go by what's been told and comment on it as such. Think if the OPs DPs ex did what she said then that's shit, but yeah, probably a lie because no mother would ever do that would they? I also think its wrong to reduce maintenance because other children come on the scene but this post wasn't about that.

I'm away to 'get over myself'

I wasn't talking about your sdc as such. You are a big believer in the first children should get very little by way of understanding or time and probably money for that matter. You are letting your own situation dictate your views on this one. This poster has no business sticking her nose in to things that don't concern her yet you think she is right? On what planet?

I am damn sure my exes girlfriend will not be dictating to me how I spend my money or what financial agreements are between my ex and myself.

His mum tells school it is because DP left , that she has decided Dp has aspergers and DSS has inherited it and thus has social issues. DP is definitely not and nor is DSS

Have your DP and your DSS been professionally assessed for aspergers?

It never fails to amaze me how many ex wives apparently don't spend the maintenance on their kids.

Usually accompanied by stories of her myriad of holidays, clothes or "pissing it up the wall". If I honestly though my DC were in the care of someone who prioritised those things instead of clothes, heating, food etc I'd be making moves to have sole care.....but it makes a good sound bite no?

I know someone who refused to pay CSA and instead paid a few monthly bills as apparently she couldn't be trusted with money. He then thought it ok to go through her phone and Internet bills

It never fails to amaze me how many ex wives apparently don't spend the maintenance on their kids.

Usually accompanied by stories of her myriad of holidays, clothes or "pissing it up the wall"

Yes they all seem to follow the same script dont they? She has holidays abroad whilst the DCs are in clothes 3 sizes too small for them

Jackie "Surly OP says he paid extra for the nanny because his exw pleaded poverty, so obviously the maintenance didn't cover it. That is extra, on top of the maintenance."

Is this the line you are referring to?

Yet she keeps pleading poverty and asking for half her au pair costs etc. He and now we pay for clothes and toys for them

If so then it doesnt at all say he paid for the nanny or au pair.