What happens if we just reduce child maintenance ??

[chablisfan]

Hi
Would really appreciate some constructive advice
Please please please no step mummy bashing.. I do not have poisonous apples and I think they are beautiful and amazing kids. Ok ? ??????please be nice.

Have DSS 8, DSD 5 and DSD 4
Also my DS 8 ( I divorced when he was 3)
DP shares with his ex 60/40 residence order.

DP had separated from and lived apart from ex before youngest born for reasons it isn't my place to post .. But it was more than understandable he chose to leave... Trust me on that one..... Plenty of eye witnesses etc.
if you have ever been in the divorcee late 30s dating arena then you will know all their ex wife's are " mental" ( usually an emotionally unsupportive ex husband referring to Post natal depression there ) ... But there is the odd genuine crazy lady out there ??

I met him a year later. We are in process of slowly "blending " the 2 sets of kids and so far so good... Play dates, weekends, progressing onto holidays etc....plan to buy house together. My son and I will move to Scotland , where they live, from London so we can all be together as much as possible as DP travels for work so much.

Reading some books on it, getting some advice, having a few 5 minute sulks at each other and then realising amazing kids are just getting on with it beautifully thank you very much and we can open the wine now!!

He tried to keep divorce as amicable and low key as possible for all. He was financially very generous to the ex.. In fact she wouldn't agree to the divorce and withheld the children etc etc to procure even more money... Basically he paid through her through the nose in order to secure a split residence order....this has just been done. ????

They drew up a childcare and financial arrangements agreement ( Scotland so slightly different divorce procedure) he voluntarily paid all legal costs.
He pays her 1200 a month .. Well Above csa ... And mortgaged himself and borrowed from parents to leave her mortgage free. She got half pension also. He just wanted to get away from her but not lose his Kids and accepted she wasn't going do it unless she got cash. she retained her own assets from before the marriage.. He pretty much gave her his.

She was working freelance occasionally.
Now she is working permanently
For some reason her yearly earnings slip went to his address.. Same last name so easily opened. Omg ???? she is earning a lot of money. Nearly as much as him given tax situation.

Yet she keeps pleading poverty and asking for half her au pair costs etc. He and now we pay for clothes and toys for them .. DSS don't even have dolls at home or dress up princess stuff and kept turning up looking like Amish kids in dungarees. It makes them happy so that's great and they are so lovely ... But where does her child maintenance go ??????

So... I am getting to the point i promise..
In the divorce agreement she insisted on the wording " pay £1200 a month maintenance or csa whatever is the greater" .
Is he able to reduce his monthly maintenance payment to her something nearer csa ( actually £ 800 when she wasn't working but given her wages actually less, although we don't want to risk the kids going without)

???????

My spousal maintenance from my ex is going to stop when I move in with DP. I have sole custody of DS but I work part time at a job I love but isn't going to pay the mortgage ( just extras really ) and DP has a great job he loves with super perks for us as a family... Pays welllish but tax man really gets the main perk. So we are up against it

We want to send kids to private secondary school if we can (the 2 boys both seem to need smaller class sizes and we have had some
Bullying issues which were really upsetting) ... Neither ex will help with fees.

It isn't really possible for DP and their mum to sit down and chat it over... She really has a lot of bitterness toward him for going against God and nature and breaking up the family etc. and I am the whore of Babylon obviously so not me either.

Anybody know how it works?
If he just reduces the monthly amount is he going to be in huge trouble ? I am pretty sure from my googling he does have grounds to reduce it but given that line in the court order ????

Every time you ask a solicitor a question it costs about a million quid!!

Really grateful and sorry such a long winded essay here!!

.

Oh and you aren't a step mummy. You're Dads girlfriend. Take a step back, financial matters, schooling etc are really not your business other than to be a sounding board to your boyfriend. You are far to heavily involved in the nitty gritty.

NRP in first post not RP

Also typos hope it's actually understandable. Bloody phone!

Sorry but YABU to have tried to justify opening her payslip. And if it really is accidental you need to have the decency to act as if you hadn't read it. That may have been an atypical month for all you know

Is it the plan that only the boys will be privately educated??

I love dungarees btw

Are you the poster poster whose boyfriend travels a lot for work and you haven't been togeth long? It all sounds familiar

DH also pays more than CMS calculations for my two DSS's and his Ex has just started working FT rather than part time childminding and presumably earning more. Is DH now going to reduce the CM payments? Is he chuff. Your logic is bonkers OP and seems to be about getting at your boyfriend's kids mum rather than thinking about what's best for the children.

Blimey. I think OP's had enough and left. I would.

HoneyLemon

John Lewis also have some nice ones (sale on ATM )

I don't think it's unreasonable to reduce 1200 a month as he is having the kids almost half the time anyway. Or have I got that wrong?

But saying that, I don't think you should have any input with regards to finances between him and ex especially as you don't even live together yet!

My understanding (scots qualified lawyer - but not a family law specialist) is that - in respect of any separation agreement privately entered into post 2003 - either party can apply to the CSA (or whatever it is called now) after the agreement has been in force for a year. The CSA will then recalculate the maintenance provisions based on current circumstances

However, I would not unilaterally stop paying the agreed sum. Your partner would then be in breach of the agreement. The correct approach is to make the application to the CSA

I would like to re-stress that I am not a family law expert but have had various discussion with another divorced lawyer chum about her own situation and this was a consideration for her. It also ties in with what I recall as being the position when I was a trainee doing a family law seat. However, I am not an expert.. I would, however, have expected your partner to have discussed this with his lawyer when the agreement was being drawn up - it's quite an importNt consideration. He should go through his correspondence with them and see if there was a letter (there should be) setting out the provisions of the agreement etc and how they all operate.

In the OP's defence:

• she never said it was a payslip, she said it was an annual summary or something, possibly P60, or P11D, it's that time of year.

• not all "payslips" come in those sealed things, dp's come on A4 paper, folded, in a brown window envelope. Coukd be anything from the outside. And there's a very strong valid argument to say they should not be obvious as they contain so much info they are like a mini identity theft kit, so many employers have moved away from the self sealed ones direct in the post.

• yes, she says they've been together three years but she also said they took the divorce slowly - I had a 12m redirect on my list when I moved, as did dp on his (and both of ours still had some fall through the net, as do the previous owners of our house who also had 12m). I actually think 12m is pretty normal myself.

• I have certainly opened someone else's post in error, good for you if you never have.

I don't agree with the suggestion from the OP about her moving in with her bf and him looking to reduce maints to his ex, and I agree with everyone that it's not her business to discuss private schools for his kids, nor maintenance payments (though it is always me who reminds dp he should put if up when he gets a payrise, though their court order doesn't say he has to). But I tend to think we should accept the facts in the opening post and try to assist with the question asked, rather than pick at minor details (especially when we are doing so on a false premise anyway).

My advice to the OP (apart from cutting out the passive-aggressive "is that advice" to any comment,) is to suggest to her bf that he goes back to his lawyer to discuss and then, potentially, back to court (or applies CMS amounts if his solicitor says he can do). And not to move in with him until she's really sure the finances will stack up.

Even if it was 12 months presumably they have been split up for longer than 3 years of the OP has been with him for 3 years so why 3+ years would he still need his mail redirected?

Really? You really think that's important?

OK, how about - until a year ago he had a key to the marital home and just popped round to collect it, or pucked it up when he picked the kids up. Who knows, who cares, it's really not the issue.

The way OP has described his ex wife I would doubt that to be the case.

I think it is important because he timeline or story about the payslip just doesn't seem right.

You're right though, not the issue really.

I think her income is relevant to how much maintenance she is paid. If your partner thinks he is paying too much then he should go to court and apply to have it reduced. If she is earning loads why isn't she paying maintenance to her ex.

Because she has majority care of the children. Why would she? That's not how maintenance works.

And the RPs income is completely irrelevant. She could have millions but her children's father is still obligated to pay towards his children's upbringing.

The exW income may be relevant if a proportion of the payment the OPs BF pays is spousal maintenance rather than child maintenance. Given the implied wealth of the various households, I have to admit that I assumed that spousal, as well as child maintenance would be a factor.

depending on how it he order was worded, there may well be a case for reducing it.
But, it has to be done legally.

I think your OP could be more concisely cut to:

"DP wants to reduce maintenance, how do we go abuot it?". The rest of the detail is irrelevant.

You go about it by discussing with ExW, and going to a solicitor if she doesn't agree.

Private school, dungarees and whatever else make no difference whatsoever. I do think opening her post was low though.

See I assumed it was purely child maintenance as that is what she has said and her annoyance is that they don't think it's being spent on the children... Not sure she'll be back to clarify

yes yes cut the maintenance in half, you obviously feel that this would be the right thing to do, so go ahead.

True numtum, although given that the OP currently lives several hundred miles away from her BF, it's possible that she's not intimately familiar with the details of his divorce settlement and has made assumptions of her own.