ex wife has arranged 'family'day out - should i feel annoyed?

[tggirl]

Bit of background- my partner and I have been together for 4 and a half years, I have 2 children in their late teens he has a son who is turning 6. Son lives with partner's ex wife and her boyfriend and he stays with us every other weekend.

It's his 6th birthday next month and as he is into lego we thought for his birthday treat we'd take him to Legoland the weekend before his birthday which is when he's with us. We've got the tickets several months ago and all is good.

Several weeks ago ex asked my partner if he'd give her a hand with the birthday party for a few hours, she was going to book a local activity centre for about 10 children and as her partner was away that weekend she needed help, this seemed a reasonable request so he agreed and I didn't mind. A few days later she texted to say son didn't want a party he wanted to go to Chessington instead and wanted Daddy to come as well. I wasn't happy with this plan and said so to my partner who said he think about it before replying

Fast forward to the other day when partner informs me he is going to Chessington with ex and son. I explained I wasn't happy and he should have discussed it with me before making the decision, after all he is spending the day with son prior to his birthday and son could have one to one special time with Mum the following week. Partner isn't happy about that as he said son specifically wanted him to spend the day with him and mummy and he didn't want to let him down.

Am I bad for thinking this is unacceptable on several counts or is this what other people do with their exs and children. I would never have considered this when my children were smaller. I am so annoyed with the ex wife as im sure she is playing some sort of game.

Please let me know what you think and if i should go cap in hand and apologise to my partner for being so cross about this.

It's just not the norm for them

And that is fine. There is nothing wrong with that however the OP's DP and ex do apparently get on so spending the day together isn't a problem for them.
So why can't you be ok with that? Why must you call it bonkers? Isn't it better for all concerned if the adults can get on and be friendly/enjoy occasions with their children? Just because your DP and ex can't do it doesn't mean those that can are wrong!

Yep seen it now, it wasnt up when i was writing my post. I was actually on that thread under another name and said i saw no problem at all with your plan. Im not sure why youre having such a problem with this dad in the OP doing the same.

OP doesn't have children with her DP then it might be acceptable

Why might be acceptable?? What difference does having SDC make? Does he suddenly stop being the first child's father because he has chosen to bring other children into the world?

As a side point I have tea out with each of my DC's on their birthday. This is on top of a family day out. I have 4 and they all enjoy it and it makes them feel special. I gave birth to them by myself ( as in I did all the pushing ) so for me spending a few hours on that day, just them and me is a bit of a tradition and very special a sort of this is how your life started just me and you; Might seem bizarre or bonkers to most but I don't care it makes us happy

I have serious issues with some step mums, who exhibit discriminatory behaviour to step DCs, those who expect StepDCs to just suck up the new world their parent of either persuasion has created and behave like little angels!

We are all talking about what the adults see as their families, not their kids. Whatever we want to think, create etc - the kids ahe a different view on it and their view is as valid as any adults.

Have no issue with the OP and her feelings but also do not see anything wrong in a CHILD wanting his MUM and DAD to spend some time with them. No new DPS, step sibs, etc. That is to that child his fmaily, It does not mean if handled correctly that they will think people will get back together, it does not mean they are playing happy families - but for one day in a childs life, they do not have to experience something special with one parent and then relate it to other one.

The insecurities of the adults have come out in this thread, even on relationships that are solid and have moved on.

Why is it less simple?

Sorry but I don't understand. Your SDC wants a day out with her mum and dad. If your kids ask why they can't go you say because she is having a day out with her mum and dad just like you have a day out with me and daddy and dsd doesn't come. It is only as complicates as the adults make it. Children are pretty simple and easy going tbh.

*complicated not complicates

Yes on YOUR children's birthday you spend it together so why dictate what your DSD wants to do on her birthday? Why must she spend it with you and her SSibs? That is your choice not hers. Which in my book is wrong.

But non SDCs don't get days out alone with their DPs unless they are only children. Or not ime.

But non SDCs don't get days out alone with their DPs unless they are only children

And why is that?

I take mine out individually. Not all the time but I do make at least 1 or 2 days out.

End of the day the father does not live with the child so it is easier for him to have free alone time to be there and take his child out alone. If SM are jealous of that then maybe they should become the ex

I am sure any child would forgo 1 day out a year by themselves to have mummy and daddy their everyday like their SDC have. You cannot have it both ways. You want your children to have 1:1 mum and dad time then either arrange a sitter for the others or split up because being split up is the only reason the child has alone time with mum and dad.

Well don't worry Regina because we will have fucked off inOctober she won't need to see us.

I am not worried and I don't really understand why I should be

Are you alright Monkeys?

Cheeky this isn't about you or your set up. You keep referring to you and yours when this is about the OP and her DSS.

And no I don't sound concerned about you and your children been in DSD's presence at all so stop making stuff up. This is about a little boy wanting to be with his mum and dad on his birthday.

You have issues with your DSD cheeky, you need to stop projecting those on to this thread. I have not once said I am concerned about your family set up. Frankly I couldn't careless you are the one ramming it down my throat

But non SDCs don't get days out alone with their DPs unless they are only children. Or not ime.

Non SDC? What's the difference between a non step-child and a child then?

DC never get individual attention unless they are only children? Who says? DC get whatever sort of attention their parents arrange. Babysitters can be hired. Arrangements made with grandparents or other relatives, or simply advantage taken of sleepover or playdate invitations. It may only happen once or twice per childhood that you get time alone with both parents. True, it isnt likely to be an amusement park, because of the expense. But the idea of being taken out without your siblings isnt particularly strange.

We took our second child on a 4 day camping trip. Her sister was on a school trip, and less keen on camping than us 3 and so we took advantage of the chance to go deeper in the woods than would have been fun with her.