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Step-parenting

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Original poster

What to do with exW?

202 replies

BuildingBlocks9 · 09/05/2015 09:15

I have been with my DP for the almost 2 years and I have recently given birth to our DD. DP has a DD (almost 3) from his previous marriage – the relationship broke down when his DD was 1,he moved and divorce was granted in Jan 2015.I met his DD in Feb this year (taking her to restaurant and park couple of times).He has not told his exW about having a new partner and a baby (told her 4 days before birth).She is a very argumentative woman and we were worried that it may impact on my pregnancy and new baby.Now she is taking him to court that at the last hearing for custody (back in Feb 2015) he had not revealed the info about new partner nor my pregnancy, that he had not disclosed it and the shared residency order should be cancelled.We knew that once she know about me and our DD she might flip out. For the sake of his DD he lives in a rented accommodation (as he has EOW and couple of overnights per week), in a years time we are thinking about living together full time (moving to a larger place that his DD has her own bedroom). He brings his DD to spend time with us, we organise outings as a family,we understand that she needs to accept me and her DB slowly.
How can I help my DP? Shall I get involved or take step back?

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 09/05/2015 12:05

Reported this thread...

elizalovelacey · 09/05/2015 12:07

could it be that your dp is ashamed of you and your dd,and thats why you have both been kept a secret from his family? You sound smug that you have got this man and have a baby with him as if you have won some sort of prize! Op i pity you, i doubt very much this man will bring you or your dd long term happiness.

fedupbutfine · 09/05/2015 12:07

jesus wept.

get over to the relationships board and take a long, hard look at the posts there. He is following the same old formula that so many other men have done before him. And you're following in the footsteps of all those 'other women' who stupidly and blindly believe that he's some kind of God and it must have been the ex who didn't get it/was a liar and a cheat/who didn't understand him/who wrongly reported him for domestic abuse/who took him for every penny.

There are people here who have had sympathy for you and who have tried to be supportive. I would suggest you are fully and intentionally aware of the games you are playing and are probably enjoying it. That is, sadly, the pattern of 'other women'. The children's welfare and emotional well being is the last thing on your mind (which makes you, frankly, a piss poor parent) and it certainly isn't on his. These are not the actions of a kind and caring father. They are the actions of a self-serving individual who has woven such a web of deceit and lies, his only option is to keep each part of his life separate from the other, telling more lies in the process.

As for you are an independent woman, total crap. Your independence has been curbed by a man unwilling to integrate you fully into his life and you are running around trying to keep him happy, not focusing on you and your own future. Independent women are not supportive of people giving up their jobs to look after them, nor would such a woman accept what that would mean for existing children in terms of financial support.

AGirlCalledBoB · 09/05/2015 12:08

Who gives a shit about your being financially secure, how is he going to support his other daughter if he is unemployed or does she not matter at all to you?

You really are a piece of work the more you write, let's hope he does not do the all the same shit to you and your daughter eh?

Original poster
BuildingBlocks9 · 09/05/2015 12:09

Soup Dragon - Our relationship was on and off before I got pregnant and his parents were still coming into terms with his divorce.maybe it was too much too soon for DPs parents to introduce me to his parents.We will see how it goes - for now DP is visiting his parents with his DD.His parents live in another country that is the reason - they do not come to UK that often

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 09/05/2015 12:09

What a car crash. You are the OW, and swallow all this man's lies about his 'bitch' exW and do your best to convince yourself that colluding in his lies is a mutual decison and you are in control, 'mature', etc.

Poor little girls.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 09/05/2015 12:12

OP if you are real, have a think about why so many people think you must be a troll because it is just so unbelievable that an intelligent woman in her late 30s would want to be in the relationship you describe, would want that for their child, and have so little disregard for a 3 year old child's emotional welfare and future.

The ex-wife you paint is not the immature bitch in this picture.

Chippednailvarnish · 09/05/2015 12:15

I'm just waiting for the next installment saying that the DP is an immigrant who is claiming benefits because he isn't living with the OP.

Clippity clop...

SurlyCue · 09/05/2015 12:16

His family is very conservative and they did not have a chance to meet me yet.It also came a bit of a shock to them

You are being ridiculously naive! He has kept you from everyone in his life! YOU are his dirty little secret. He wont live with you, he kept you an your baby a secret from his exwife and daughter until ut was unavoidable and he hadnt let his family meet you! WAKE UP!! He is spinning you a huge line of bullshit and you are foolishly swallowing it all. Seriously- you are being played spectactularly.

Roussette · 09/05/2015 12:17

So you've been with this man for 'nearly 2 years', you know him really well you say, but the relationship was 'on and off'. How much on and how much off? And how on earth do you think you know him really well. You don't. He say he 'finds happiness in our relationship' - there's hardly been time for that! Especially if the 'on and off' was mostly off. Why on earth bring a DC into this? Perhaps that's his way of getting a woman, getting them pregnant.

You sound, at best, naive and he sounds like a piece of work and the whole situation is sounding very Jeremy Kyle.

His parents need 'time to adjust'? I bet they do! If they've got a shred of decency they are probably shocked at how their son is carrying on.

I wouldn't bank on him moving in either, by the time he does, he may well be moving on to the next woman with his track record!

Original poster
BuildingBlocks9 · 09/05/2015 12:18

Chipped I has never crossed my mind but I bet exW is claiming benefits as a single parent

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 09/05/2015 12:20

This is like playing bingo.

I only have disability to cross off my card.

Chippednailvarnish · 09/05/2015 12:20

Yeah, 'cause he ain't providing jack shit.

Look there's a flying pig...

Chippednailvarnish · 09/05/2015 12:21

Soup you forgot fat shaming, there's bound to be a bit of that...

SurlyCue · 09/05/2015 12:24

Why on earth does he need to give up work to look after you? Confused

SoupDragon · 09/05/2015 12:24

Bugger.

I wonder if homophobia could be shoehorned in...

Chippednailvarnish · 09/05/2015 12:25

And some sort of council housing.

Original poster
BuildingBlocks9 · 09/05/2015 12:26

SurlyCue he will be looking after our DD full time - we are talking about in 1 year time

OP posts:
SurlyCue · 09/05/2015 12:27

Possibly some derogatory comments about EXW's sexual history too? She probably isnt even sure who the girl's father is, right? Hmm

SurlyCue · 09/05/2015 12:29

DP is very happy to stay at home and look after DD and me,sacrificing his career.

You said he will be sacrificing his career to look after DD and you. Why wont you be looking after yourself?

Original poster
BuildingBlocks9 · 09/05/2015 12:30

And why does his exW wants to meet me without DP? I would only agree with DP around - 3 adults

OP posts:
feetlikeahobbit · 09/05/2015 12:31

Have his parents met your DD yet?

Original poster
BuildingBlocks9 · 09/05/2015 12:32

Surly - I work long hours,myDD needs a full time care as she will be 1 year when we moved in together.DP will be looking after us in terms of housekeeping etc

OP posts:
Original poster
BuildingBlocks9 · 09/05/2015 12:33

feet - they have not.possibly we will meet them around Easter next year.

OP posts:
MuttonCadet · 09/05/2015 12:40

Introducing a child to a half sibling without informing the mother Confused

You haven't explained how, when he gives up work he is going to pay maintenance for his first child? I assume you will cover that cost?

You'll struggle to find a stepmum who will agree with you, I don't...