What to do with exW?

[BuildingBlocks9]

I have been with my DP for the almost 2 years and I have recently given birth to our DD. DP has a DD (almost 3) from his previous marriage – the relationship broke down when his DD was 1,he moved and divorce was granted in Jan 2015.I met his DD in Feb this year (taking her to restaurant and park couple of times).He has not told his exW about having a new partner and a baby (told her 4 days before birth).She is a very argumentative woman and we were worried that it may impact on my pregnancy and new baby.Now she is taking him to court that at the last hearing for custody (back in Feb 2015) he had not revealed the info about new partner nor my pregnancy, that he had not disclosed it and the shared residency order should be cancelled.We knew that once she know about me and our DD she might flip out. For the sake of his DD he lives in a rented accommodation (as he has EOW and couple of overnights per week), in a years time we are thinking about living together full time (moving to a larger place that his DD has her own bedroom). He brings his DD to spend time with us, we organise outings as a family,we understand that she needs to accept me and her DB slowly.
How can I help my DP? Shall I get involved or take step back?

[SurlyCue]

Surly our DD does not have his surname- for the reasons I do not want to disclose

Ok, you were unclear in your last post, however it doesnt matter. He cant still have DD live with him if he lives as he would be providing full time care for her. Is he named on her birth certificate?

[SurlyCue]

He can still have dd

[BuildingBlocks9]

He is on birth certificate

[BuildingBlocks9]

But we are not married - where do I stand if we split up? Will I have to have financial responsibilities towards him?

[SurlyCue]

But we are not married - where do I stand if we split up? Will I have to have financial responsibilities towards him?

You will have to pay maintenance to him for your daughter if he takes her to live with him.

[SurlyCue]

But luckily for you he sounds the type to scarper off with some other mug and leave you holding the baby.

[Momagain1]

If you have been supporting him, then depending on how long he is an at home parent, you may have to provide partial support until he can restart his career or make other support arrangments. Not to mention dividing assets aquired during the marriage and that sort of thing.

[BuildingBlocks9]

ok thank you Surly.

I will need to sleep on it. I know my DP and trust him, I see things a bit different.

We have plans to be together,to get married and possibly hving more children.

Thank you for time on this thread.

Maybe him giving up work is not the best idea.I will look into full time nanny as DP needs to have his own money (to provide for his DD).
My DM also advises on live out nanny for LO.

In terms of exW - there will be no coffee meet up as I will not listen to exW raging about DP.What I know that DP is a good Father and Partner.

[SurlyCue]

What I know that DP is a good Father and Partner.

Im afraid you dont know this at all. You know he is good with his daughter EOW, and that he is good part time with you and your baby. Until you are living with him properly as a partner you will not know him as a partner and a father. Seriously, for your own good you need to sharpen up.

[Momagain1]

Your mothers advice is sound.

[Roussette]

Don't be ridiculous. Was he a good father and partner to his other baby when he started an affair with you? Nope.

Also, don't believe what this bloke is saying to you about his exW. You are hearing just one side of a story. His. She could be lovely and very hard done by. Perhaps the 'raging' you talk about is him giving her a black eye.

[Glitoris]

You are so far into denial that it is astonishing to read this.

God love the children born into this set-up.

It's not Mumsnet you need to be on,it's Jeremy Kyle.

[Pagwatch]

Of all the many many problems you currently face, the ExW is the least of them.
Your biggest problem right now is your total inability to recognise the truth of your current situation.
You are strolling happily into disaster while calling a woman who has done you zero harm, a bitch.

You lack insight.

[Quesera21]

I am flabbergasted at your arrogance, your obvious belief you are superior to the EX and how she must be a liar - with no evidence.

I am flabbergasted at your naivety and ignorance.

You are the OW and your attitude is so like my EXs DP and she was the OW aswell.

If your partner does what he has done to his wife, believe me - you do move on, but your ability to trust will be fundamentally altered and there will always be a feeling of regret and sadness - that another human being can treat you so callously. It never goes away, fades but ..............

[swingofthings]

I've just read the whole thread. So you are one of those successful career driven women, used to getting whatever it is you set your eyes on, and when you decided that it was time to include a child in your portfolio, you picked the one that will give you the best outcome giving no consideration to the damage it would cause to others. Yes, I have known a few people like you. They are very good at justifying all their actions because that's what they've done all their lives, usually the same approach that got there to be at the top of the career. I wouldn't even be surprised if you told him you were on the pill, or couldn't get pregnant and he believes that the pregnancy is a miracle!

The irony is like many people who have been betrayed in the worse way and suffer the worse heartbreak pain as a result, the one who will be left with the best outcome in the end is the ExWife, when she will finally move on and meet a properly honest man who will treat her properly, whilst you'll get to finally see what your OH becomes when things don't go his way... I think you are in for a hard lesson in life when for the first time in your life, things might not go the way you planned them.

[AGirlCalledBoB]

What bollocks, good dad my arse!

Ask his ex and his kid that he has lied to if he has been a good dad.

If you won't meet the ex then don't be surprised if she refuses her child to have anything to do with you.

[Whiskwarrior]

Anyone else noticed that the OP veers between perfect written English and put-on broken English from post to post? She said early on that she has only been in the UK for three years but I think the writing is forced.

And she only engages with certain posts/posters. A good example being when Chipped mentioned that the next thing would be OP drip-feeding ex-wife claiming benefits. Lo and behold OP jumped on that one and worded the reply in perfect English!

She has also totally ignored all of my posts except to tell me I made a mistake in the gender of her child.

If this is true the OP is an arrogant, deluded, downright nasty piece of work.

But personally I think it's a great big steaming pile of horseshit.

[Chippednailvarnish]

But personally I think it's a great big steaming pile of horseshit

That's being a bit generous Whisk

[eddielizzard]

i suspect the ex wants to warn you and deep down you know it, which is why you won't meet her.

watch out! protect yourself and your dd. do your homework. that means meeting the ex at the very least.

[Themrmen]

Op you sound horrendous. You have an affair with a married man with a baby, he leaves her and knocks you up. You're complaining about the bitter ex who frankly has every right to be considering your dp kept the fact he had a new baby from her and their ds, lied to the courts, his family clearly either know nothing if your resistance or have zero interest in it.

You couldn't give a crap about your dsd, to the extent that it's the exs problem if he doesn't pay maintenance, because you want him to give up work to look after your dd, although now you've realised he'd get custody if you split you're not wanting that to happen, not do confident in your relationship now are you!

He will do the same to you as he did to her and frankly it couldn't happen to a nicer person

[Themrmen]

Excuse spelling on phone