Christmas arrangements

[StepCatsmother]

And more specifically, how much do you see your ex-P or how much does your P see his ex (depending on who is the step between you) over the festive period?

I know this might depend on how recent/friendly the split with the ex was.

I ask because I'm just curious about how 'normal' my DP's arrangements are. This is only the second Christmas since he split with his ex, and their relationship is fairly amicable as things go.

This year he has the children for Christmas Eve through to Christmas Day morning, when he will then take them back to his ex. She is taking them to her family for the rest of Christmas Day and Boxing Day. However, at handover she is planning a 'family brunch' for the 4 of them (her, DP and the 2 children - age 5 and 10). Apparently this will be an hour or 2 and DP is going because the kids will want him there.

I guess I don't know how to feel about this, at the moment I don't think I have feelings either way. I can see that doing something nice for the children is important at this time of year, but there is a little discomfort at the idea of them playing happy families. The picture doesn't entirely sit right with me but it might only be because I'm new at all this and don't know what's usual :)

Star you can post where you like I have no interest any longer in you posts and I never cared where you posted. I would never tell anyone where to post. It is clear that my opinion of you is not shared by others so I don't see why you wouldn't post.

As promised I will not engage with you again however I will report any of your posts that are goady/direct towards me/not in the spirit of MN/ageist. I would imagine you will do the same.

Hi everyone, can we have a bit of peace and love on this thread please (and possibly a refresher of the talk guidelines?).

Thanks

Despite the present lack of a Christmas tree in the Petal household, the advent calendar has pride of place, blu-tacked to the fridge. I still love advent calendars, particularly the traditional variety that don't contain chocolate.

Nicki - you were robbed!!!!

I used to love Christmassy paper chains!!!!

Oh you ok Petal?

Are you ok, I mean.

I'm fine thanks Arsenic - I just love anything Christmas related, the festive season has never lost its magic, and I'm too old to change now!

Oh good

I was worried. I thought maybe the Christmas tree had fallen on your head.

But just spreading Christmas magic and sparkle eh? Good to get in the mood.

I have one colleague who is old (70s) but has always got together with his ex and their new partners and the children for xmas/holidays. The adults are all fine with it but I have to say the children (now in their 40s) are both quite unhappy people in general - no idea if it's connected.

But when I was growing up there was no way my stepmum would have spent xmas with her ExH for the benefit of their children. He shagged her friend and lied about it! Any relationship they had was certainly over. Also she thought his parenting style was terrible and I expect didn't want to endorse it. Also she wanted to spend xmas with my dad!! Her children are happy and well-adjusted. If there has been an acrimonious breakup or one involving moral foul play then perhaps it makes more sense for the adults to admit they aren't best mates? I think it also depends on what age the children and parents are. A family member of mine has just got divorced and their daughter is 3. The parents are both mid-20s and continue to live in the same (small) town, and so probably would get together over xmas as it would be easier, and the little one doesn't really understand anyway.

Did you all have very amicable breakups? If my husband left me, and particularly if he had an affair, there's no way I'd spend christmas with him ever again!!

Equally, if my DH had run off with me leaving the marital home then I would feel super-guilty and would probably want him to go and 'repair things' by having a token xmas meal at his Exes house.

Have a mince pie Daisy.

My break up was very bad. But it was imperative my children weren't hurt or damaged by it so I put it aside.

I can only fantasise about being as mature as you Nicki! I would have a hard time being dispassionate, and also spending xmas with someone who had hurt me. I don't think I would handle a divorce with dignity actually.

Oh believe me I have not always been dignified, anything but! But at the forefront of my mind has always been how my children will feel and I just try to act accordingly. I don't always manage it though.

What a Christmassy turn this thread has taken.

I put up our tree with DSS yesterday. I was quite impressed by the parallel nature of his tinsel placement.

On another note, I am dreading the part of Xmas I am spending with my parents. They will definitely row with each other (have done ever since I can remember) and I will feel shitty. They're not even divorced, supposedly happily married! Yet it seems like a lot of separated parents on this thread behave more amicably than they do. Christmas would be a lot more peaceful with just one of them rather than both, that's for sure.

Sorry, back to paper chains and baubles...