please please help really scared

[scarlettandrhett]

DH and I have our own DS and DH has a DD my DSD.

Getting contact was horrendous as ex stopped all contact when she found out about me. I was not the OW. I met DH long after they split up, they were not married.
During the court hearing and out of the blue, she phones me and wants a agreement over contact that we can put before the judge. The suggestion she gave was what DH had wanted. The judge stamped the order.
My gut was telling me that as long as DH played by her rules, all would be ok but if he stepped out of line, all hell would break loose.

Contact was great for the next 3 years. We got DSD more than the court order stated. I became ex "new best friend" and DH and I played her game.

Last month, DH made a geniune mistake over drop off and she went nuts, calling DH every name under the son. DH had had enough and told her so. Yes, contact was stopped, all attempts at communication were stopped.

About 3 hours ago, she came to our door and said she wanted to sort it out. Like a fool, I let her in.
I cannot believe what happened next and even as I write this I feel that I will wake up from a dream.

She proceded to tell us if we take her back to court, she will say DH was abusing DSD. She said that even though it is not true the fallout will affect our own DS. She said she will go to SS with these claims and will say she has real fears for my DS as well. She will go to the police and ensure our DS is removed from our home until an investigation is completed. She said she will tell SS that was why she stopped contact. She is a teacher and knows what do. I thought DH was going to go for her. She was calm, not shouting, screaming, just very calm and smiled through it all.

I cannot believe this is happening, I cannot even find the words to describe it. After she said this, it is all a haze, she walked out our home them. What do we do? What happens. I am really scared now.

I have changed my name

Well you've stood up to the bully and she really doesn't like it does she!!!

Just want to give you hugs really, your DSD is old enough for her wishes to be taken into account so long term you will be able to have a relationship with her without her mother being involved.

the utter bitch! she saw how she rattled you yesterday and has come back to divide and conquer.

send the solicitor's letter the first opportunity you get. you absolutely have to finalise this.

add to the letter that you have requested no contact between her and you/your son by any means directly or indirectly.

discuss with your H as to suitable methods of arrangement for contact. if your DSD is 12 then she may be able to say when she wants contact to happen.

I too say that some thought ought to be given to where the best environment for DSD would be long term.

what she tried there, in addition to attempting to dividing and conquering was to use the arch manipulator's tools of choice: to minimise, deny and blame.

normal people would apologise.

i'm not sure replying to her was what would have been advised by MN, but tbh, you've shot her back down and made it crystal flaming clear that she won't get anywhere near you and to ftfo.

taking legal advice and getting things officially logged will go a long way to putting her firmly back in her place, and keeping her there.

Please don't respond to any contact from her again until you have legal advice unless it is your DH arranging times for picking up and dropping off your DSD.
If she tries to communicate about anything else, ignore, ignore, ignore.

Show the solicitor her the messages you've posted above so they know exactly what has been said.

Reading this thread in total shock! How anyone can behave like this is beyond me. I wouldn't have responses but understand why you did. Is this word for word your response? Bar the names, as I'd just be concerned that the fact that she was willing to lie isn't in your response, iyswim. Gosh op I really feel for you. Do not engage with the crazy any more

hope your ok today Scarlett

well, have spoken to DS school and got an appointment with my GP this morning. GP has logged what I have told him happened. So has the school. School has assured me that they have absolutley no concerns over DS emotional and physical wellbeing.

DH saw his solictor today. It was the same one who represented DH at the contact hearing. She was horrified at what DH tod her.

Letter is going out to exwif this evening basically telling her that if she ever threatens something like that again, Scarlett will instigate criminal charges against her as she directly threatned me and DS. This in turn could have an adverse effect on exwiv job as she works with children and given the nature of her threat, it wouldnt bod too well with the school authorities and DH will apply for sole residency and will involve SS.

Solicitor also will advise exwif to restart contact as per the court order and by the way, we are having DSD on her b'day and Xmas as we have not had her in years.

She is also being told all communications are to be done via text or email and under no circumstance has she to contact me. and if she does try and contact me, I will apply for order banning her from coming near me.

Solicitor also told DH that given the salary exwif is on, it is quite possible that she will not get legal aid and if she does, DH and I can appeal it on the grounds of her malicious and untrue threats plus the fact it is she, with no good reason broke the court order.

In the meantime, DH gets a text from DSD asking if she can stay this weekend. We said of course but we are not holding our breath just yet.

Once again, thank you all so much for your support and kind words. It just beggars belief the low some exwiv will sink to in order to show they "are in charge"

Just read this.
Am in shock for you, OP, but i hope that woman realises what hell she could have caused for her own DD too if her false allegations had been taken seriously.
I think pennies would have dropped when her DD had to be interviewed, and god help if she had managed to get DD to lie and agree she'd been 'abused' because the medical examination would have been next and they are no walk in the park.
I hope she does read this, and i hope she is suitably ashamed. From the pov here of not only an abuse survivor but someone who has gone through their children being abused, i think she is lower than low, an absolute cretin, as well as emotionally abusive, i hope she gets her child taken from her care and i wish that on no one lightly :(

You are doing the right think. People like this lose their power when you are brave enough to shine a light on their behaviour and show that you won't play their games.

Good for you! Just at her behaviour!

Absolutely good for you.

hear, hear! well done! perfect response!

oh to be a fly on the wall.

is dsd safe to be there when the inevitable shit hits the fan? can dh go and get her?

Good for you op, an you imagine if you and DH weren't as strong and her plan worked? It's horrible to think how that would affect dsd in the future when she found out what her mother did? And she would have found out, these things always come to light, it would have been awful for her

Bloody well done to you and your husband. Your response was ideal!
You have showed her that you will not be playing your allocated part in her evil charade. Not now and not ever. She has been well put back in her box.

I bet she's dying of mortification at your email. She really thought she was going to slither out of this one with the good chat, didn't she?
I'm glad you've seen fit to stand up to the venomous, arrogant, harm doing horror. I hope she feels every bit as humiliated and dejected as she should.
Such incredible malice!

Wow. She really is a piece of work isn't she? She still thinks that after everything she said she still gets to manipulate you.

Don't answer her again. Log everything for your solicitor and the police.

I'm sorry you're going through this because this strange woman has decided to make your life difficult. Good luck with it all.

Well done for not letting her intimidate you, as others have said i would LOVE to be a fly on the wall, when that letter arrives.

Well done both of you Fingers crossed you see DSD at the weekend. I hope DH has made plans with her directly and to pick her up.

Well done for going to the police/solicitor a hard no nonsense response is/was the only thing you could have done to ensure that Ex never does/says anything like this again.

Well DH has received an email from the Ex, details as follows

Dear XXX
I am saddened and upset that you felt the need to resort to a solicitors letter regarding seeing DD.

I had thought that during the past 4 years, Scarlett, you and myself had built up a good working relationship regarding DD. It appears I was wrong.

DD has expressed a wish to see you these weekend and I will not nor have I ever stopped her. Please advise me on what time you wish to pick her up.

I was surprised and dismayed at the response, to what i thought, a perfectly reasonable email to Scarlett asking to meet her and discuss moving forward from the misunderstanding on Saturday night. I am surprised at her spite.

With regards to DD birthday next month, I am sorry but I am planning to take her out for dinner that day. I am happy for you to have her the day before or the day after. We will discuss Christmas nearer the time.

Regards
Ex

DH responded

Ex
May I reiterate that there was no "misunderstanding" on Saturday night. You came to our door where you were invited into our home. When inside, you quite clearly and calmly threatened to lie and say I had abused DD if I took you back to court to resume contact. You continued by stating that you would tell Social Services that you have grave concerns about my sons safety in my home.

It was a despicable thing to do and to involve my son was beyond belief. You should be ashamed of yourself and if your work collegues were aware of your actions, I very much doubt they would hold you in any form of esteem, never mind the parents of the children you teach.

Did you ever think of the harm you would be doing to DD if you continued with your vile and blatant lies. What sort of mother would be prepared to put their own child through that? You absolutely sicken me.

Scarlett was by no means spiteful. You threatened our son. Scarlett cannot bear to be anywhere near you you disgusted her so much.

The police were called as we refuse to pander to your whims nor be cowed by your blackmail. A log has been raised about our complaint and if you make any further repulsive threats, I will press charges against you.

You stopped contact over a month ago as I was going to be 30mins late. This was despite Scarlett offering to pick DD up on time but you refused.

We have not had "a good working relationship" regarding DD. Contact as always been the way you dictate and woe betide me if I answered you back. Your actions on Saturday night were quite clear about that.

May I further remind you that I had to go to court all these years ago to get contact with DD as you were refusing it. May I further remind you that the person supervising contact was so concerned at what they perceived your deliberate attempt to sabotage contact that they wrote to the court direct about your actions.

The court order was quite clear regarding birthdays and Christmas. Therefore, DD will spend her birthday with us and Christmas as you have refused to allow it before. I am more than happy to return to court regarding this but rest assured, I will be advising the court of your threats and what we done about this.

I shall pick DD up at 4.30 this coming Friday and return her on Sunday at 6pm as per the court order. Please ensure that DD is ready as I do not wish to enter into any form of interaction with you.

XXX

I know DH's reply is a bit long but I think it was either put it in writing, all he was feeling, or go round to her house and committed a violent act against her!
Not sure how this will go down. We wait and see

Brilliant reply from your dh!

Well done him :) It must have taken a lot for him to write all of that after pandering to her for so long and on the other hand a lot of restraint not to just go around and dispose of the body afterwards.

She is a right piece of work isn't she - utterly fucking deluded.

I wonder if she will reply?

She really doesn't seem stable, are you sure she should have DD as much as she does?