DSS (6) and DSD (8) have a very tricky narcissistic mother (as I have mentioned in a previous thread) who is really pulling at them emotionally and making them miserable when they visit us. This has fluctuated over the last few years but is getting worse again.
Last weekend DSD was near hysterical before bed all three nights - on saturday night we were seriously worried about her as she has a complete freak out about nothing and it took 3 hours to calm her. When DH tried to find out why she said "it is really tricky for me" and then later told me that she would "make mummy sad" if she told me what was wrong. DSD did say that her mother was really sad and missed them when they were with us. During a recent phonecall to their mother, DSS refused to talk to their mother and whilst we were trying to coax him she said "don't you want to tell me how much you miss me - don't you want to tell me how much you love me" (DSC's always use speakerphone after she insisted on her end so she could hear DH's calls) and then proceeded to berate DH for not getting DSS to talk to her. This is pretty usual shit - it is just a few months since she has been so openly nasty.
It now turns out that the DSC's stepfather (ex W's partner) is threatening them with violence - in his words "we run a tight ship" and by all accounts he would never actually hit DSC's, but they have seen his children being smacked so the threat is even more real. DSS freaks out if he makes the smallest mistake and has told me on numerous occasions that he as come "this close" to being smacked. DH has made it very clear to this man that smacking and threats of are unacceptable, but that has made no difference.
DH and I are so worried that SS will just say it isn't bad enough - despite the serious emotional issues that both DSC's have already, that are worsening - and we are worried that the SS route will just make the ugly beast worsen!