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Do-gooding clique thread

780 replies

ArsenicFaceCream · 03/08/2014 13:20

Thanks for the name dozie Grin

OP posts:
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PerpendicularVincenzo · 04/08/2014 23:01

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PerpendicularVincenzo · 04/08/2014 23:02

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Fairenuff · 04/08/2014 23:03

It was a small kerfuffle hooby but we have promised HQ not to mention the past as we don't want to get deleted.

So, onwards and, er, forwards.

Waltermittythesequel · 04/08/2014 23:08

Perp, I do stand by my points however, your SM just sounds like a total bitch! :)

hooby that is a truly magnificent hat. It wins the internet.

PerpendicularVincenzo · 04/08/2014 23:09

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PerpendicularVincenzo · 04/08/2014 23:11

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hoobypickypicky · 04/08/2014 23:13

Regarding the mini wives situation, can a lot of it not be put down to pure jealousy on the complainant's part? (Massive generalisation alert).

I came across a lot of it in another situation, my step-sister. According to her our father preferred her, hated me, it wasn't her mother keeping him from me and my half siblings under threat of being thrown out of her house if he visited us (oh yes it was, I heard it from the horse's mouth!), it was all because we weren't his family now, she was.

My stepmother's view is that we other children (all fully grown adults living miles away and not dependent on dad or in their face) are an imposition in her family life and that our father's family is not all of us but just her, her own DC and the one DC which she and my dad have together.

We older siblings are bemused, angry and indignant in equal measure.

The result is, after years and years of this sort of reaction from SM, that she and dad have separated, dad is old and very ill now, and she, her own DC and the one they had together, now all adult, have abandoned him. Guess who's still there picking up the pieces and trying to reassure a very ill, frightened old man with alzheimers?

The (long) point I'm trying to make is to reaffirm what has already been said. There are a lot of DSC out there who are being vilified for spiteful reasons. Yes there are a lot of spiteful DSC out there too, but it's hard to accept that younger DSC are really out to get the SP and not just plain confused, upset and torn between two families.

Perhaps MN needs a stepchildren's board as well as a step parents one?

FlossyMoo · 04/08/2014 23:18

So anyway I have had a PM from Arse.

Firstly Arse please don't hate me for putting this on here. xx

Arse has gone off for a bit.

Today's MNHQ post has kind of thrown her. She is quite rightly upset.
The whole reason (regardless of it's origins) this thread was started was so we could have a safe place to discuss the aforementioned issues.

Even though we have not retaliated to abuse or goading and we have continuously said this thread has nothing to do with anyone such as . We still got a warning.

Arse is mighty pissed.

But not de-regging (not a word spell checker, I know but fuck the fuck off this is serious Grin) PHEW just taking some time out.

So I hope that when she does come back she finds this thread intact and a very funky hat waiting for her. Smile

FlossyMoo · 04/08/2014 23:21

Oh god hooby my "So anyway" looks dismissive after your post and Iittruly wasn't.
It just took me so long to type your post ended up before mine Flowers

Waltermittythesequel · 04/08/2014 23:22

You know, I'm actually pretty furious about that.

I have been here a long time but not as long as some and I really do thinnk if it had been the 'others' posting, HQ wouldn't have responded the way they did.

So they still get their way; only now HQ are doing their dirty work for them.

By mums for mums? Perhaps it should be changed to By Mums For Some Mums.

SMH.

Fairenuff · 04/08/2014 23:25

Arse has done nothing wrong. If you come to this thread as a 'new' reader, like HQ did, you would have no idea of the back story.

We all understand. There have been misunderstandings, insults, aggressive comments and general nit picking but the bottom line is that this thread is a safe and supportive place to post.

In fact, the whole purpose is so that people like Arse don't feel like they have to leave.

Come back, purleeeese?

FlossyMoo · 04/08/2014 23:25

I know Walt

It is shit. but as some other posters have said they didn't think we would get this far so we maybe need to be the rule not the exception.

Waltermittythesequel · 04/08/2014 23:28

I've reported my post in the hopes that they'll address is because this is just not ok!

Now we have actual MNHQ running posters off the boards? Really?

Waltermittythesequel · 04/08/2014 23:29

*it not is, FFS.

Maybe83 · 04/08/2014 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IorekByrnisonsArmour · 04/08/2014 23:34

Oh Arse I still have cake and dog talk Sad hope you're OK Flowers

Fairenuff · 04/08/2014 23:34

I have an idea.

We could shut this thread down ourselves and start a new one without any reference to any other threads or individual posters.

We could still be called the Do-gooders but the OP could explain the purpose of the thread so that newcomers can see what it's all about without knowing the ugly mess that spawned this beautiful child.

(Sorry, got a bit poetic there)

But you get my drift?

Or if we want to keep it going I'm happy to fight for it.

Which way do we want to go?

FlossyMoo · 04/08/2014 23:37

Well they haven't deleted it so that is something.

The one thing those who choose to speak so badly of about their DC's have is longevity.

They have been here and stayed throughout so their voice is the first and the loudest. They have never had a thread that went against them so openly before and it is not liked.

MNHQ sit on the fence a lot of the time and bow to the majority. This is not a failing or fault it is a democracy. Majority rules.

However we have a corner. A space of our own. Where all are welcome and positive Step parenting is promoted in place of labelling and hatred.

I like this corner and I like the people in it Flowers

hoobypickypicky · 04/08/2014 23:46

Flossy, not a problem, none at all. :) Flowers

Arse get your arse back here! Grin You speak much sense and shouldn't be hounded off.

This is a weird thread, with serious comment one moment and dickhead hats the next, but that's no reason for someone to get bloody stupid with the delete button on the strength of someone who admits that she didn't read the whole of the thread which sparked this one and/or of the OP of the original thread, who having met with opposite views from the vast majority was impolite in response.

This thread surely goes to offer support, albeit in a mad way, an outlet for SP who for example are concerned about the wellbeing of their SC and doesn't want to be part of a collective who are complaining about their own?

What of the SP who, for e.g., is "on the side" of a DSC and who feels that their spouse is being unfair to the child? Do they not need to know that not everyone on the SP board is expressing the polar opposite view and that they're not alone and are supported in gaining advice on how to resolve a situation where the biological parent in the stepfamily is being unreasonable?

In short, is it not ok to try, in a lighhearted way but with intelligent debate thrown in, to strike a balance and not have a SP forum which seems to the outsider to be little but "don't post here unless your SC are the problem"?

FlossyMoo · 04/08/2014 23:56

Wonderfully put hooby and not a hat bomb in sight Smile

A LP posted(so sorry I cannot scroll to get your name put your post stuck with me) earlier and said she liked the thread and knowing that positive SP were out there made her feel I little better as her DC could be somebodies DSC.

I think we have a place on these boards. Maybe some should take a leaf out of our everyone is welcome book.

FlossyMoo · 04/08/2014 23:58

Fair I like your idea very much.

How about we come up for names of threads?

Montegomongoose · 04/08/2014 23:59

I never posted in the step boards because I was always looking for a view that allowed for forgiveness and fault on all sides. I never felt comfortable holding the opinion that I did, namely that ultimately the adults involved need to behave as such, doubly so, and to have hearts huge enough for everyone.

I know that hurt children can be challenging but I think often it's too easy to vilify children and biological mother because their hurt comes out as personal towards a SM. sometimes fathers have no idea how to support her through this, or she is insecure and resents the time he needs to spend supporting his children. And sometimes their mother.

There's a lot of taking it personally. And a lot of unsavoury motives ascribed to very normal reactions.

It has saddened me over the years to imagine those misunderstood children.

This thread gave me real pleasure knowing that there were strong, kind, funny women with the great big hearts I mentioned.

I really hope that you do gooding hat bombers don't let anything crush this thread.

[fisty-type salute that hopefully doesn't feel as painful and perverted as it sounds]

FlossyMoo · 05/08/2014 00:09

Fisty type salute accepted ouch Grin

Thank you Mont.
Oi Arse you reading this??? Get back here!

A positive spin on things does change a lot. Yes you are free to discuss the trials and tribulations of step parenting and parenting but the use of such vile terminology and thinking will be challenged. Politely. Sometimes Grin

hoobypickypicky · 05/08/2014 00:33

Well goodly people, I've had my moan for the day and really must get to bed which won't be for another half hour what with getting the cats in, sorting the dogs out with fresh water, insisting that in tonight's warm weather none of them can sleep on me and generally faffing about.

Sleep well all. :)

emotionsecho · 05/08/2014 00:55

I can understand how Arsenic feels, one of my posts has been deleted and I can in no way see how it was against Talk Guidelines, I'm pretty naffed off about it actually, especially when the one word one is still "being looked at".

Someone, possibly deliberately, misinterpreted my post due to their own agenda.

Not cricket MNHQ.

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