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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Dsd private schooled: I find it embarassing

328 replies

Onthedoorstep · 20/05/2014 07:55

Just that really.

My family are all teachers! In state schools. Private schooling was something I was brought up to think it inherently wrong.

Dsd goes to a well known private school. Dh and I struggle financially but this was part of his divorce agreement.

Dsd is a teenager and talks loudly about it a lot - what I did in Ancient Greek / hockey today / how amazing my school is.

I find it so Embarassing that it's making me want to avoid family events. I don't know how to handle it AT ALL.

Please talk some sense into me. This is becoming a massive issue for me.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

idontlikealdi · 20/05/2014 07:58

'Inherently wrong?', erm, why?

Original poster

Onthedoorstep · 20/05/2014 08:00

I don't think that's unusual :)

I don't want to get into a debate about it here

OP posts:

TobyLerone · 20/05/2014 08:00

You're being incredibly ridiculous. Grow up.

eurochick · 20/05/2014 08:00

You're being ridiculous. She enjoys her school. You have an excuse ( not that you should need one) in the divorce settlement.

nicename · 20/05/2014 08:01

Decide not to find it embarassing.

I'd rather have a wry smile over a teen squeeking about 'trips with Ta-mah-raaah' and 'OMG! I don't know what to wear to Jessicas sweet 16!' and know that she is getting more experiences and education than I ever got.

Would you really consider pulling out of this 'amazing' school to a local state one? I assume not, so get over yourself!

CharlesRyder · 20/05/2014 08:01

Maybe just be pleased for her that she likes school?

I'm pretty sure state schools play hockey?

Georgethesecond · 20/05/2014 08:02

Would you rather she was school refusing and miserable? Be thankful for what you've got.

MothershipG · 20/05/2014 08:02

The key sentence here is that it's an issue for you. I can totally see how this may make you feel but you can't change it so you're just going to have to get all zen and let it wash over you.

But seriously you just have to find whatever works for you, nod and smile? this too shall pass? running jokes in your head? I don't know how close you are? Could you have a quiet word with her about tact? Could her Dad?

But she's a teenager so if it wasn't this it would be something else (probably worse) and hopefully she'll grow out of it.

FreeSpirit89 · 20/05/2014 08:02

I personally don't see an issue it's a personal choice and your dh and his ex wanted there Dd to go to private school.

I think you need to grow up a little and realise there is more to life that embarrassment of school

nicename · 20/05/2014 08:03

My old state school had lacrosse!

Dressingdown1 · 20/05/2014 08:04

Sounds as if you have a chip on your shoulder. You can't blame dsd for school choices her parents made, and isn't it good that she loves her school and her lessons? Surely better than hating her education.

I think you need to realise that she is just a teenager who may have struggled with difficulties in her life and is maybe slightly overcompensating now. This is really your problem, not hers (although if money is an issue, I can see that you might not be happy about this use of family resources)

FoxSticks · 20/05/2014 08:05

She enjoys school - what's wrong with that? What is it exactly that you are embarrassed about?

Ploppy16 · 20/05/2014 08:06

In the nicest possible way you need to get over this. You can't change the way you were raised to believe something is wrong so you just need to swallow it and smile sweetly. If your parents talk about it change the subject. YOU didn't make this decision, it's nothing to do with you at all really.
It's good that she's happy in school isn't it? She'll probably do well in life which is what most people want for their children, so leave it at that.

nicename · 20/05/2014 08:06

Or maybe there's a bit of jealousy over your other kids not having the same advantage?

TobyLerone · 20/05/2014 08:07

Why should the child be more tactful? She's just talking about school. It's the OP's chip on her shoulder which is the problem, not the fact that the child goes to a good school and enjoys it.

captainproton · 20/05/2014 08:08

Poor kid, can't talk about how she enjoys school because her step parent and extended family have a very left wing ideological chip on their shoulders.

My SIL teaches in a state secondary and she would love the opportunity to teach children at a private school.

I'm from a very working class background and work with a lot of ex public school colleagues. I actually think they are very lovely, well-spoken, and thoughtful people.

I don't go all sour grapes because they didn't have to fight to get an education down at the local comprehensive.

You clearly need to get over it or you should have married someone who wears a donkey jacket and flat cap (like most of my male relatives did in the 80's) and is part of a militant union, instead of a someone who clearly wanted his daughter to receive the best education his money could buy.

Surely you knew she went to this school before you got married?

OwlCapone · 20/05/2014 08:08

Please talk some sense into me. This is becoming a massive issue for me.

It's none of your damn business so get over it.

nicename · 20/05/2014 08:09

Don't make the kid feel bad, OP. She is just having a nice time at a good school. There are plenty of inverted snobs who will try to have a pop at her later when they hear she was at private school.

BeckAndCall · 20/05/2014 08:10

You're supposed to be the parent here - she's meant to be embarrassed by you and the things you say, not the other way round.

Seems strange to me that an adult would be embarrassed by anything a teenager said.....

BikeRunSki · 20/05/2014 08:10

Why are you embarrassed about a decision that had nothing to do with you?

FWIW, I share your opinions about state/private schooling, but I don't get upset that other people choose private education for their children.

FidelineandFumblin · 20/05/2014 08:10

Maybe the problem is more in DSD's manner? (After all her school arrangements can only embarass you if they are loudly announced) She sounds a bit braying.

Unexpected · 20/05/2014 08:10

This is all about you and nothing to do with your DSD. Your OP makes it sound as if she is boasting about her school, I bet if we heard her we would think she was just excited and proud. Why shouldn't she talk about what she is doing in school and how much he enjoys it?

Rather than being embarrassed, I think you are jealous of her opportunities and resentful of that fact that you are paying for her education which leaves you struggling financially. That's not your DSD's issue.

FidelineandFumblin · 20/05/2014 08:11

^embarrass

Greyhound · 20/05/2014 08:11

Well, it's not really your family's business!

OwlCapone · 20/05/2014 08:12

How does she should "braying"?

Would it have been OK for her to say "what I did in Food Tech/netball"?

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