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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Dsd private schooled: I find it embarassing

328 replies

Onthedoorstep · 20/05/2014 07:55

Just that really.

My family are all teachers! In state schools. Private schooling was something I was brought up to think it inherently wrong.

Dsd goes to a well known private school. Dh and I struggle financially but this was part of his divorce agreement.

Dsd is a teenager and talks loudly about it a lot - what I did in Ancient Greek / hockey today / how amazing my school is.

I find it so Embarassing that it's making me want to avoid family events. I don't know how to handle it AT ALL.

Please talk some sense into me. This is becoming a massive issue for me.

OP posts:

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Set a reminder

Fairenuff · 20/05/2014 08:13

Reading between the lines, it sounds you are resentful of her father paying towards the cost of the schooling. Otherwise, why mention the cost at all.

I think she sounds lovely and you sound bitter.

Original poster

Onthedoorstep · 20/05/2014 08:15

Thanks - my ex was the flat cap wearing unionist... ;)

I think my family's perception is that we are making a massive sacrifice to make a decision that they think is inherently wrong. There aren't any step families in my family so I feel like I'm being judged for a decision that was nothing to do with me.

OP posts:

Shakirasma · 20/05/2014 08:15

Erm, you need to get over yourself. You were brought up being told that private school was wrong, but many people disagree and their opinion is just as valid. You are making a huge issue out of something that really isn't one.

The fact that you have family members in teaching does not add any strength to their opinion btw, there are plenty of state school teachers who don't have strong views anti private school. You are silly to be embarrassed, it's not even anything to do with you, it was sorted between the girls parents.

FidelineandFumblin · 20/05/2014 08:15

Hardly owl . In fact Hockey and Greek sound like perfectly normal subjects to me (state grammar school educated). Loudly waxing lyrical about them does sound distinctly odd though . I wonder if the DSD is aware of OP's discomfiture and is playing up to it?

Cookiechef · 20/05/2014 08:17

I wouldn't be embarrassed I would be proud that she enjoys school as you are a teacher you would know some teens don't like school and skip classes or get into trouble.
I don't get the hockey thing tho as I played hockey for our school and it wasn't a private school I attended.

NearTheWindymill · 20/05/2014 08:19

I have a real issue with teachers who declare the choices of others which are legal and which do nothing to harm anyone else inherently wrong OP. We removed our dd from a state school where the head didn't think theft, violence and drug taking was inherently wrong. She's very happy at an independent school where the values of the head coincide with those of her family.

Here's a grip - now hold tight but sorry, I can't guarantee it was provided by the state in a state controlled factory so you probably will feel deeply embarassed about accepting it.

Owllady · 20/05/2014 08:20

I was in the hockey team at my comprehensive team and I didn't have to fight for an education either! Some of the stereotypes on this thread are odd. I must admit I know very little about ancient Greece though I can read though so if I was interested enough I could still learn. Ds1 does it at middle school anyway as one day he had to go to school wrapped in a sheet with some plants round his head

CailinDana · 20/05/2014 08:21

Your family sound incredibly prejudiced and narrow minded which doesn't say much for state education does it?

HavantGuard · 20/05/2014 08:21

I thought it would come down to the money

Ploppy16 · 20/05/2014 08:22

DS's academy offers Greek, Mandarin and Classics in KS4. Don't see what's wrong with that.

tak1ngchances · 20/05/2014 08:24

There are such issues in this country with private healthcare and private education.
If it is too big a financial burden on you, that is one thing.
But to find it embarrassing???? Ridiculous.

AlarmOnSnooze · 20/05/2014 08:24

Oh grow up.

Our dsd enjoys school and talks about it. So what? What exactly is embarrassing about hockey? Or about thinking our school is great? Or even about appreciating what you have?

I would be telling my family that it's none of their business at all. Because it isn't.

Original poster

Onthedoorstep · 20/05/2014 08:25

I think it's more about me wanting their approval - and I'm not going to get it.

I probably do need to get over that. :)

OP posts:

MrsMaturin · 20/05/2014 08:25

Just tell your family that the decision to do this is a) nothing to do with you and b) non-negotiable so could they please all shut up about it.

Bowlersarm · 20/05/2014 08:26

Joining the 'grow up' posters here.

And you are teacher . Fine example of tolerance, acceptance, difference etc you are (n't) setting there.

Unexpected · 20/05/2014 08:27

What does your ex and his flat-cap have to do with it???? Your family need to butt out of something which is none of their business.

Original poster

Onthedoorstep · 20/05/2014 08:27

I'm not a teacher myself

OP posts:

FidelineandFumblin · 20/05/2014 08:28

Look, at aome point we all have to learn not to wander into union meetings bleating about our shareholdings or vegan society socials enthusing over a new chicken recipe. Or indeed, not to stand outside the local foodbank loudly decrying how fuel-hungry our new Mercs are. Not too much to expect the DSD to develop some circumspection, is it?

beginnings · 20/05/2014 08:30

You're being ridiculous.

As it happens, I think the decision of your family to make any comment about this whatsoever is "inherently wrong."

We all have the right to opinions. We don't have the right to express those opinions in all contexts.

Poor kid.

And I wouldn't even go as far as telling your family in whether or not it has anything to do with you or is negotiable. I'd just change the subject.

Bowlersarm · 20/05/2014 08:31

Oh sorry . I misread.

Well, tell your family it's nothing to do with them. And they are setting a fine example re tolerance, differences, etc

Original poster

Onthedoorstep · 20/05/2014 08:32

Lol Fide - dsd probably does overcompensate and it does sort of make a gulf that makes everything worse. I know that's not her fault at all.

OP posts:

beginnings · 20/05/2014 08:33

FidelineandFumblin I don't think the OP is saying the DSD is boasting particularly. Just talking about how she enjoys school and likes it.

There's a difference between circumspection and hiding something away as if it's shameful. She shouldn't have to do that.

FidelineandFumblin · 20/05/2014 08:33

I think I'm just naturally suspicious of anyone who likes hockey

But seriously; tact is an important social skill.

SpamTroll · 20/05/2014 08:34

Oh dear, that is not nice of your family or of you. I guess it must irritate you that your DH is helping pay for it but it's not worth agonising over. Not for a moment.

Owllady · 20/05/2014 08:35

I hated hockey, we used to get bruised to buggery but hey it was state school :o

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