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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

I'm not interested in his kids

170 replies

shouldisaythis · 14/06/2012 15:52

I have 2 DC of my own, and my DP (who i dont live with but have been dating nearly 5 years) has 2 also. He has them every weekend and works during the week. I have 1 ds who goes to his dads EO weekend and I get that weekend off, other DS is over 16. DP expects me to go stay at his on my weekend off but I don't want to cos I can't be bothered with his DC's. I stay one night usually. I haven't told him the real reason but have said that he should have at least one weekend a month kid free so we can do adult stuff. He disagrees. Well actually he agreed, but as we cant afford to go away once a month he doesn't realise that what I actually meant was "a kid free weekend, rather than a weekend away" which is how i tactfully put it to him. I am also worried he might propose as he has been dropping hints and we are nearly at 5 years together. I've no interest as don't want to live with his kids. I would marry him after kids leave home but not now. I find his DS really annoying and whiny and his DD is always trying to hold my hand and sit on my knee. I work in a childcare setting and I want my weekend off to be kid free.

OP posts:

colditz · 14/06/2012 15:55

you cannot have your weekends free of children unless you dump him, so make your choice.

Lilyloo · 14/06/2012 15:57

I can't believe this is real but if you are you sound like a horrible person. He has kids you either accept the package or not. The reasons you give for disliking his kids are very sad.

Original poster

shouldisaythis · 14/06/2012 15:58

Im only asking for 1 weekend a month

OP posts:

osterleymama · 14/06/2012 15:58

Then perhaps you should leave the relationship and find a partner who's lifestyle is more compatible with your own. His children are more important than you (of course) and I doubt he'd give up a quarter of his time with them so you can enjoy some 'time off' Why do you work in childcare if whiny kids bother you so much?

SparklyVampire · 14/06/2012 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

usualsuspect · 14/06/2012 16:00

Find yourself a man without children then

strawberrypenguin · 14/06/2012 16:00

Thing is your DP is a package deal with his kids so you need to decide what is more important to you, a child free weekend or your DP and his family.

thisisyesterday · 14/06/2012 16:00

are you serious?

if you only saw your kids for 2 days a week would you really give any of that time up for someone else? just because that person doesn't like your kids?

his children aren't negotiable, they come as part of the package, just as yours do with you.
can you imagien how you'd feel if one day you decided to move in with him and he said, can you get rid of the kids for one week a month because they really annoy me?

EmmaNess · 14/06/2012 16:00

Are you in fact the ex of the DP, not his current partner, and this is what you believe she has said?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 14/06/2012 16:01

shouldisaythis.... no, you probably shouldn't. But at least you are being honest with yourself. Don't set up those children with a stepmother who doesn't like them. TBH I can kind of imagine the place you are in - I don't have a lot of time for other people's children either, but then OTOH they are the children of your DP . Have they really been in your life for FIVE years and you still don't have a positive relationship with them??

solidgoldbrass · 14/06/2012 16:02

Actually, I don't think your feelings are unreasonable at all: every parent needs some time that's totally kid-free. Unfortunately, it doesn't look as though you're going to manage it with this man, so you might be better off ending the relationship and moving on to someone who shares your perfectly understandable desire for a bit of grown-up time.

Thumbwitch · 14/06/2012 16:02

Poor children, that's all I can say. HIs DD just wants to hold your hand and you CBA?
I really hope he doesn't propose and why are you still even with him if his children are such a problem to you?

akaemmafrost · 14/06/2012 16:03

I don't think you are nasty, just honest.

But do dump him won't you. It's not fair on him or his kids.

Original poster

shouldisaythis · 14/06/2012 16:04

I don't have any kids at work that whine like this. This is exceptional. I totally understand his kids are more important than me. Maybe i should just finish it. I like him and we share a lot of interests but he is different when his kids are there. Actually writing this I am thinking its more to do with the way he is when his kids are there rather than the kids themselves.

OP posts:

HecateTrivia · 14/06/2012 16:05

Don't get involved with someone who has children unless you are happy to accept them as part of the package.

I hope you wouldn't want a serious relationship with someone who disliked your children and didn't want them to be part of the equation, would you?

They are his children. Do you really expect him to put you over them? Really want to see less of them so that you don't have to be with him? They're his children. They rightly have a place in his life and always will.

When they are grown up and have children of their own, are you going to want those children to stay the hell away from you too? If you marry when the children are grown up, are you going to make them unwelcome in your home?

I think you should tell him how you feel.

"Your son's annoying and whiny and I hate how your daughter is always trying to hold my hand and sit on my knee. I'm not interested in your kids."

He deserves to know who he's in a relationship with and decide if that's what he wants.

Original poster

shouldisaythis · 14/06/2012 16:06

@thisisyesterday he has his kids a night during the week as well

OP posts:

HecateTrivia · 14/06/2012 16:07

"Really want to see less of them so that you don't have to be with him"

I'm not sure what the hell that was supposed to be.

It's not given to everyone to 'take on' for want of a better term, other people's children. But you can't be in a serious relationship with someone if that's not something you're able to do.

Original poster

shouldisaythis · 14/06/2012 16:11

I dont know what emmaness means??? But i do know my DP's ex has EVERY weekend kid free!!!!

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 14/06/2012 16:11

How old are his children, OP?

Original poster

shouldisaythis · 14/06/2012 16:14

@ thumbwitch, DS 13 DD 10. its not as if its a 3 year old Im not wanting to sit on my knee.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 14/06/2012 16:15

How many days a week do YOU see YOUR children?

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 14/06/2012 16:16

You get together with someone that has children then you have to accept him AND the children. He comes as a package.

If you don't want to be bothered with other children then find someone else that has none.

Hulababy · 14/06/2012 16:17

Poor little girl :( 10 year old and wanting to be friend's with her dad's long term girlfriend and being rejected.

I think you need to find a partner with no children.

Mosman · 14/06/2012 16:20

I would find somebody else with no children, there's no law that says you have to like other peoples children but it rather the done thing when you are dating their dad.

Original poster

shouldisaythis · 14/06/2012 16:20

I live in a house and my kids are always out playing. He lives in a flat and doesn't allow them out themselves. They don't have friends at his bit and are always there, in the same room.

OP posts:

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