DH angry as I refuse to have SS on my day off next week.

[myflabberisgasted]

Hi all,

I am a serial lurker and have done the occasional post but now I am looking for some advice please?

I work part time and my days off are wednesday and Friday. I have arranged to go out on wednesday with my other fried and her DS and my DS to take them swimming. This has been arranged for a couple of weeks now.

DSS's mum text my DH earlier and asked if he would be able to have DSS on Wednesday as the school is striking.

He immediately asked me if I would have him and ordinarily I would but I have made these plans and am really looking forward to it.
So I said I'm sorry I couldn't this time, he immediately went funny on me and a bit snappy when I asked him any other questions so I could tell he was in a mood with me!!

I had my DSS every wed and fri throughout the 6 weeks summer holiday so it's not like I don't offer or have him! His mum only had him for 2 days throughout the whole6 weeks so I innocenty asked why she couldn't have the day off with him next week but DH just left the house (he had an appointment to go to) and slammed the door and said "don't worry I'll sort it!!"

Was I wrong to refuse to have DSS this once?!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I'll try and respond to any replies as and when I can, DH does not know I am on MN.

Thank you

Simpler to put me down as unable to read and ignore.

Thank goodness topknob-I begin to think that I am the only one. You make the relationship with the DSS or DSD-you don't quibble with the bio mother. It was 'love me-love my DS'-nothing else was good enough. My DS isn't going to live in a home where he isn't loved.When OP married her DH she got his DS-for ever.

I'm sorry exotic I have been polite to you up until now and ignorer most of your comments but how DARE you say my DSS has lost his father and I treat him as a visitor!!

I think you can fuck right off now and go and start your own thread like others have said before!
You obviously have your own issues you need to deal with!!

And I'm sorry but you cannot at all say I think this or I feel that, you have no idea!!

I think that the OP has had a rough time here.

I come at this from a different view, I was a SD. I would have been wondering why my Mom and Dad couldn't have had me for the day in all honesty. Much as I love my brothers (from my Dad's remarriage) and loved being with them I relished time alone with either parent.

The OP sounds like a loving Stepmother who has the balance absolutely right, she is not the 3rd parent, she just sounds worried that the boy's own Mother isn't spending ebough time on him.

And no, step-parents are not another/bonus Mother or Father. If either of my step-parents had called me their daughter I'd have run a mile. It is a totally different relationship. I have a Mother and Father thankyou very much.

And I would no more take 2 non-swimming children to a pool by myself (why can't he swim at aged 8??!) than I would leave an 8 year old in a cafe watching me swim.

If he was your own DC you would automatically have him on the day-there would be no question.

Thanks Lizzy!
why he can't swim I have no idea, his mum was meant to be arranging lessons for him last year, which never happened!

Bloody hell is this still going on?

exoticfruits, you are not a step parent, you have no idea what it is like to be a step parent and yet you insist on peddling the same meaningless phrases over and over again.

Reading your posts is like reading 'step parent bingo' and its not even original, its dull and pointless. If you can manage to come up with something helpful and original then great, but if not, give the broken record a miss.

I haven't read all the posts on this thread - but as a step mum I would have been rather surprised to have been asked to mind my DSC's in this situation at all - the first line should be one of their parents does the looking after, BUT, if there was a good reason why they could not then I would have done it. But from what I have read, either Mum or Dad could be taking a day off to do this.

Exotic OP is not the poor boy's parent! She is not.
Although it sounds like she loves and cares for him, she is not his parent. And I agree with someone up thread who said that the poor boy will grow up and realise that his own Mother barely spent any time with him. He will.

It does sound like the poor lad's Dad needs to grow a pair and have stern words with his Mother. Because she needs to be spending more time with him. NOt just thinking that OP can do her parenting for her.

I have a DS who has a step parent and I can't bear the thought that anyone would think that he wasn't as important as his half brothers.
However-it is Friday-I have had several glasses of wine and I dare say in the cold light of day my posts might make me cringe! Therefore I really will aplologise and not comment further. Not really wishing to upset-I dare say that bio mothers make a big difference that I haven't factored in. Sorry-over and out.

"However my DH always says our 3 DSs and doesn't make any difference between them-I wouldn't have married him otherwise.
I realise this is not popular and so will leave you to it and bow out."

This sort of sentiment isn't unpopular. Your apparent disregard for any comments made by the OP is fairly frustrating and your constant banging on about what a completely marvellous Mother you are is a bit odd.

But it's comments like:
"the poor DSS has already lost his father and his sibling gets his father full time- and instead of being a full and active member of the family he is part time and a visitor and his step mother thinks she has a family of 3 and not a family of 4 and he isn't equal" which are frankly just vile. I think that's where you start to look a little bit unhinged.

You don't say whether you're a Step Mother yourself?

X posted there. I'm not pulling an Exotic and ignoring posts I don't like.

Oh dear, still going on...Lizzylou, well articulated. Exotics, take note..being a smum I am able to comment on the the situation and Lizzylou makes the valid point. The dc's know who their parents are and they know that mum & dad should take the primary role. Why mum and dad refuse to care for their child is the real issue.

Exotic, before you dash, does your son see his Bio-Father?

I think that may be key.

I do think you are projecting your own situation onto the OP and there is no need. Op sounds like she genuinely loves and cares for her stepson.

You may want to apologise once the wine fog has cleared

I am not a step mother-I came very close but ended it-mainly due to the fact that I wasn't having my life dictated by the ex, who was difficult-so as I say-I really do apologise-I think I am being unfair.

Maybe death is a lot simpler in the case of steps.-just ignore me-I shouldn't have started.

And from my point of view, as a 10 yr old my feelings were very much that I had two parents who I adored. I never asked them to get divorced and introduce these new people in my life. I never wanted these new people to act as parents. Because they weren't.
They were just there. But they weren't my parents.

Really do apologise teens-sometimes I should reflect first.

I thought it was obvious that both parents were working that day ! So as a step parent you step up and take care of your Step child for ONE day...you would cancel if your own child was ill for example so why not if your sdc is unable to go to school through no fault of her own or her parents?
I would be very upset if a step parent of my ds1 treated him like some of you do...very upset. This is a child we are talking about, no doubt he already picks up on that the OP doesn't seem to like the situation and also that she favours her own child. You shouldn't subject ANY child to that type of behaviour.

Ah, sorry. I think I understand, Exotic.
YOu enjoy your wine, no worries

Topknob, I'd actually expect a parent to step up in the first instance.
Cool your boots.

But they are both working?