Am I being unreasonable?

[Petal02]

This weekend is an access weekend. DH is at work this morning, SS16 has gone with him. We had planned that DH and I would go into town this afternoon, just the two of us, as I need to choose some new glasses frames. No big deal.

DH has just phoned, and said that SS16 is coming into town with us. (Heart sinks). So I say, well if you two want to go into town together, then that's fine, I've got plenty of stuff to do round the house. Husband says "but I thought you wanted new glasses", I said "yes, but it can wait til next weekend." Husband says "what's made you change your mind", I reply "you've just said you're now going into town with SS16." Husband says "but can't we all go together?" I say "no, I'll carry on with my housework."

Husband not happy with me. I know exactly what he wants - he wants us all to go into town, as a family. Nothing wrong with that in theory, but SS is nearly 17 !!!! Not only did I want a few hours of quality time with DH (yes, even on an access weekend, aren't I a selfish cow) but I don't want to have a 6ft lump trailing round opticians with us. Also, I'm not in the mood for playing gooseberry, cos that's what it would be.

There's just something so wrong about a child (?) of nearly 17 who wants to follow his father and stepmother round choosing glasses on a Saturday afternoon. Is it just me? Does anyone else get where I'm coming from? This just feels wrong at so many levels. I'm not trying to stop husband from seeing his son, I've simply opted out of the trip once I learnt it was going to be a goonfest (to put it bluntly).

The week before Christmas, we were heading out to buy more tree decorations, when SS16 decided he wanted to come too. So I opted out. Husband didn't get it. Please tell me that some of you can understand my stance.

AIBU?

But he does want to come to the opticians. Nothing terrible in that. And you never know it might be useful to get another opinion on what you pick.

Is this another one of the weird threads that seem to be the norm on MN now

OP why do you need your husband to hold your hand while you go to buy new glasses. I am assuming you are older than nearly 17 and therefore an adult? Why not go by yourself?

But this isn't the first time that OP has thrown her toys out of the pram though.
She wouldn't even get the Christmas decorations.

Any way it is normal to go into town as a family. It's not about the son 'surviving' a couple of hours without his dad but it seems he has made a reasonable enough request to join them. Fair enough.

However, thanks for the advice, next time I break my glasses, I'll check the calendar first, to check that it's not an access weekend.

Haha, can you not go on your own?

My last response was to glassescompletybroken. There had been a few posts since then so mine looked a bit random!!

I'm still shaking my head if in case this is true.

I'm so hoping it is a wind up!

I really hope my children neve end up with a step mother.

I don't quite get the point of starting the thread if you were only going to take the advice of certain posters. Why not PM them instead?

I'm assuming there's a big back story here that might make what you're saying more understandable. But based on what you've put in your OP then I'd agree that it's very unreasonable to object to him coming along. I'm a stepmum and I like those sorts of weekends when we do very normal things, and on the back of doing something like going to the optician we end up have tea out or something like that.

If there is a back story, why not explain a little further?

"The week before Christmas, we were heading out to buy more tree decorations, when SS16 decided he wanted to come too. So I opted out."

Do you not see how childish you appear? Seriously?

Petal - I can't believe your attitude to your SS and the fact that you work with vulnerable teens worries me.

How simple it would have been to have said to DH, 'Oh OK, that's nice he wants to come, let's have coffee/lunch then he can go off for an hour to look at CD's/computer games/girls while we pop to the opticians' OR 'that's fine, as long as he realises I need to spend time choosing new frames and it might be a bit boring'.

How young/childish are you that you need your DH's sole attention over a weekend when you don't have your SS living with you or even every weekend?

As for chucking a tanty when he wanted to come and choose christmas decorations with you and his Dad - pathetic.

How old are you?
Are you actually married?
How long have you been with 'DH'?

Stropicana, please don't think that all stepmums think like this. We don't. It's normally dsd and I going out doing stuff like this together with dh staying at home.

some things you have to grin and bear in the this life - would suggest you try to do this otherwise it will come back and bite you. On the whole, children are always placed No. 1 in the eyes of their parents. I wonder is this why you feel the way you do, that you will always be No. 2 regardless?

JohnBovi I think you are quite correct. There are a few bonkers posts lately that only want nice things said about them even when they are completly delusional and verging on bonkers!

They seem to lap up the 'poor you op' comments and the minute someone says' Hold on a minute don't you think you are being and arse?' they tell you to bugger off and give you a biscuit!!!

OP tell me if I'm wrong here but did you marry dh thinking in X amount of years we'll be on our own? My ex friend, childless and selfish hence the ex, did this and has ended up being a regular baby sitter to her dh's 18 yo son's baby boy. Please don't end up bitter and unlikable like her - she gave him the best years of her life - try to find common ground with your dss as he'll be around for years to come. Good luck x

hmmm

I've read about parents on MN moaning about their teenage kids and their lack of get up and go - think the OP has been roasted slightly unfairly.....she was only venting!

OP - maybe step son has cottened on to you declining to go with them anywhere and it actually do this on purpose? Do you have your own kids and of so how old are they?

Sounds like you dont really want to be a 'step mum' but more like 'dad's wife'. There really is a difference in these roles tbh and you need to speak with your DH as it sounds like he wants you in a different sort of role - perhaps this is waht you are actually fighting against?

Oh and lesson to the pious crowd - not everybody will love your child as much as you do and it shouldnt be expected - they may actually find them quite irritiating.

You also sound pathetic when you say he hasn't turned out like your friends' sons - tough titty! Did you only marry him because you thought the son would be out of your way soon enough?

He's clearly more insecure than your friends kids and craving time with his dad. And you are spoilt to try to plan activities that he isn't included in, on purpose on his weekend.

Oh well I that case I do apogise Fran, I thought you were the one that disliked the bad language? Clearly not.

She's not just venting though. She is refusing to go to town, an arrangement that she wanted. She refused to get decorations, presumably ones that she wanted because the son was going.
Just nasty tbh.

yabu there is nothing wrong being that age and spending time with parents.