I've had enough, I cant take anymore of this relationship. I love DP so much, but it isn't ever going to work. I have dedicated the last 3 years to him and his kids, his ex, his hobbys, his passions, his wants, his needs and I have nothing more to give!
I feel totally empty inside, I dont have a life of my own anymore, my life is him and his. We cannot go a day without arguing anymore. He cannot see anything that I say. He says I am being argumentative and picking on him for no reason. He is probably right, every little thing now is annoying me or upsetting me because I am so low and unhappy.
Last night we had a huge row because he wanted to watch Moto GP on TV. Nothing wrong in that you may think, and you are probably totally right, but his main love/passion is motorbikes and all his/our life is dedicated to motorbikes/his life in the military/and his kids - in that order! I dont mind him doing the things he loves, I encourage him to have his interest, but when I get home from work and I dont even get asked what I want to watch and his Moto GP is already on the timer on sky, I get a little p**sed off! How much more has got to be about him and what he wants or needs? He even sits and watches it when we have the kids, and despite them moaning and saying they hate it, he still carries on watching it and ignoring them!
We cannot afford for me to do any of the things I would like to do or want to buy! When I say I would love a new mobile phone, oh no we cant afford that - then the next day he goes out and spends £200 on something for his bike, because it will increase the performance of it!!!!!!
We couldnt afford to have a week away on our own this year, yet we spent £700 on a week in a caravan with the kids and then he comes home and buys a new set of tyres for his bike - another £150! I have come to the conclusion that I would actually be really well off if it wasnt for his kids and his expensive hobby! This weekend is the first proper weekend we have had off on our own without the kids for 5 weeks and I was looking forward to not having to drive half way around the country. Now though he wants to go to Superbikes on Sunday which is about 2 hours drive away and will cost over £120 with petrol and entrance fee........ no consideration at all!
I have put up with this now for 3 years, and I just cant take it anymore. Everything is on his terms, what he wants, what he likes and I have always put up with it, because my main priority in life is to make the people I love happy! But it is taking the p**s. I have to wait until its convenient for him to get married, wait until he says its better for his kids, to have a baby, spend a fortune on his kids once a month (not including CSA), put up with his obsession of motorbikes, put up with his constant remeniscing about the best days of his life - No not when his children were born but when he was in the army/RAF. I dont feel like I have anything in common with him, I dont ride bikes, I have never been in the military, I dont have kids........ What have I got to share with him?
I'm so unhappy, I can see no other option to leave even though I cannot imagine life without him. He never shouts at me, hurts me, calls me names, mistreats me - he tells me he loves me most days - so why do I feel so crap?