The best thing your body has produced *warning-grim content not suitable for weak-stomached persons*

[NoEffingWay]

Once, when I was about 20 my toenail started to hurt, I looked at it and it didn't seem different, but I noticed that the toenail was a teensy bit in the skin. I got the nail scissors out and cut the nail. It was like peeling open a can of ready-roll pastries-there was a small pause and then a pop as a small river of brown pus rolled out over my toe. I spent a happy half hour or so cleaning under the nail, and then over the course of about 6 months it grew out. I was almost sad when I said goodbye to the last thickened nasty toenail.
It has never happened again despite my best efforts to the contrary

Had one in my ear as a teenager - the flat bit next to the ear canal. DM had a go cos it was agony and got about 2.5mm of core out. That took the pressure off and I forgot all about it. A couple of weeks later - in the middle of a double French lesson (actual school, not anything dodgy), I had an itchy ear, so I put my forefinger in my ear canal and wiggled it. There was a crack, a splat and there it was - 5mm of core between my thumb and forefinger. I hadto wrap it up in a tissue to have a good look at playtime. It was a thing of beauty.

My appendix removal, late teens. I was taken to hospital in the morning, admitted to ward immediately, and was then kept waiting until close on midnight before being taken to theatre.
Appendix decidedly dodgy and removed. Stitched up, sent home after a few days. After a week I noticed the scar line beginning to turn green and my stomach began to swell and I felt decidedly queasy. But having parents who's mantra was 'oh, you'll be fine' to everything, we had all grown up rather stoic.
Put up with it a couple more days with an ever - swelling, green-lining abdomen until one night I went to bed really early as felt really off. Woke in the middle of the night to find my bed was wet - thought I'd wee'd in my sleep until I put the light on and saw what looked like a gallon of putrid green pus oozing all over me and the bed - the stench was vile. Massive abscess eruption.
Shouted mum - she came running in, the stench hit her and she threw up everywhere, shouted dad to come and see to mum whilst I called me an ambulance and had to pad myself up with 2 folded bathtowels which dripped gunk a la snail trail all the way through the house .
Was blue lighted to hospital at 4 in the morning where, because no surgeon was available, it was decided to pack the wound with what looked like 10 yards of gauze - agony. Then sent home.
Each day I then had to totter to the GP surgery for the removal --at arms length and hazmat suit style- of stinky gauze and then have the wound repacked - more agony.
After 4 days of feeling like I was being nailed to the bed, I demanded they provide me with packing and dressing supplies and that I would do the bloody thing myself - humanely!
What followed was 2 wonderful weeks of gentle packing and then at my own pace the following day, slowly unpacking that wound of yards of ever slowly diminishing green slime. I now have what looks like a 2nd navel !

@HareInTheForm I actually have read your story with a face like this

@HermioneWeasley

Once had a massive boil on the side of my face next to my ear. Popped at work when I held the phone to my ear, and it just started pumping yellow pus out. Ran to the ladies and it took nearly an hour to sort out.

I also once had something the size and consistency of a small skinless chicken breast fall out of my fanjo. I could feel it slither out, but otherwise no pain. Very odd.

Yes as a pp said, decidual cast. Had one ten years ago - very weird.

@NoEffingWay
I think my face throughout the whole thing was more akin to - not envy

The operation was in a hospital that was, at that time notorious for surgical wound infections. Looking back, I was really lucky not to have had a bowel-ectomy the way that nurse dug around for the drain each day.

But, as mum was often wont to say......'I was alright - in the end!!!

I have just read this thread in bed eating a kebab naan and the posts are glorious.
I have a very long flexible tongue and can lick round my tonsils and can feel my adenoids and whatever the cartilage is for your nose. I can feel a small tonsil stone with my tongue and am buggered if I can dislodge it (not envy)

This thread is better than porn. It is porn in a way ...
thank you !!

Not sporn as much as...sperotica??

@HareInTheForm thank you for sharing your wonderful, yet revolting, ectoplasmy stomach story

@VaVaGloom I thank you takes a bow

Years ago I had 2 boils, one was on the joint of my wrist which made my hand swell up, continuously oozing puss, after q couple days of this and pain, went to hospital where they landed it, that was interesting when all the gunk came out and they gave me antibiotics as well

2nd one was on my knee, pretty much same result as the wrist, lots of gunk and a hospital visit

A good 25 years ago I had a spell where whenever I bent forwards or twisted at the waist, I'd get that awful stinging, burning pain or sensation in my navel like you do when you poke it. Around the same time I noticed that when I got undressed to shower at night, it seemed a bit smelly there - and worse than that, I saw that it was discharging some kind of yellow goo onto my clothes. Deciding I must have a little infection in there, I diligently kept it clean and applied some Savlon with a cotton bud for a couple of nights. On the 2nd night I was working a blob of cream into my leaky smelly belly-button, when there was an audible plop. Like a breaching whale, an inch long shard of barley straw erupted that had somehow wedged itself in there.

I worked with horses at the time and spent a lot of time shovelling straw, so little sharp pieces often got embedded in your clothes.

Similarly, I once got a splinter in the tip of my finger and under my nail from a Starbucks wooden stirrer. I couldn't get the fucker out and the pain and the pressure kept building up over the course of a few days. It was getting red and swollen so in desperation I smothered it with my old friend, Savlon, and wrapped it up in a cartoonish bandage for a day. I unwrapped it that evening, peered at my oddly bloated finger and poked gently at it - and 1cm long bit of wood shot out at great velocity. I was well impressed and the relief was instant.

I’ve had a couple of Bartholin’s cysts - hooooooo boy are they painful!

The worst one reached its peak the day we drove from Essex to Hull for a friend’s wedding - by the end of the day, I could barely sit down, but I decided I’d rather go home, and go to A&E there, because I didn’t want to risk being stuck in hospital so far from home. Plus we’d got all three dses with us, and didn’t want them hanging around A&E for hours.

It was pure agony driving home - especially whenever we went over a bump in the road - but the doctor in casualty didn’t want to drain it (no idea why), so sent me home with antibiotics. As soon as I got home, I sat on the edge of the bed, with a mirror in front of me, and squeezed (squoze?) it - it hardly took any pressure and the relief was amazing.

I'm so glad there has been more posts on this thread. It was my wind down treat each day to read them. Keep them coming people!

I often get bartholin’s cysts, I keep a needle felting needle especially for them, the barbs make the emptying so much easier. I also get nabothian cysts on my cervix, I feel them when checking my coil strings. I know what they look like because the nurse showed me pictures and it makes me sad I will never be able to pop them

@FelicityBeedle

I often get bartholin’s cysts, I keep a needle felting needle especially for them, the barbs make the emptying so much easier. I also get nabothian cysts on my cervix, I feel them when checking my coil strings. I know what they look like because the nurse showed me pictures and it makes me sad I will never be able to pop them

googling nabothian cysts

CONTENT WARNING - CHILD SPORN!

Saw the mother of all blackheads in my DS12's ear. He graciously let me have at it with a hairpin. It popped out all 2-3 mm of it like golden yellow silly string with a yellow core. it was HUGE>

A huge mole on my back that I was so panicked about I was referred to dermatology. It was not a mole, it was a giant blackhead. I was so embarrassed. So was my GP who failed to diagnose the monster.

Also laughing at a colleague nurse's notes 20 years ago. She had written "his penis is pussy", we all fell about. The correct term for describing a wound or area with pus in it is purulent.

Two cat-related ones.

First was when I was in the bath one day and felt something spiky in my bellybutton. I could feel something in there so gave it a good tug, and was horrified to find it was something hair-like that kept coming. When it was out, it was obvious that it was cat hair glued together with some smelly substance which had gone hard. Never had it before or - disappointingly - since. No changes to hygiene routine (for me or cat), so I’m not sure how it happened.

The second emanated from the cat herself. We noticed her arse never looked clean, despite the fact she was clearly washing herself. On further inspection and some googling, I realised it wasn’t her bum but the glands on either side. One looked like it had something in it. We made a vet’s appointment. Before the big day, I noticed the worst side looked ok - and later that morning found something that looked like a brown marble on the kitchen floor. Identity confirmed when the cat took a great interest in it and tried to eat it. The vet seemed unconcerned about all this after he’d heard the tale and given her a once-over, and it’s never happened again.

@AGreatEscspe you're lucky the cats bum gland thing didn't burst. My cat was being a complete twat when we were at a neighbours for a bbq and got stuck in a tree. When I was lifting him down my arm was sort of round his bum and I clearly squeezed something. I was covered in stinking green slime. I scrubbed myself in the sink. Still smelled. Went home and had a shower, still smelled. Scrubbed it with bleach in the end which stopped the stink at least, and went back to the bbq, where twat cat was enjoying himself in my absence and being fed sausages 'for the trauma' apparently

I’ve had an arse zit that I asked XH to look at for me. I didn’t even ask him to squeeze it. it exploded in his face anyway.

I also have a recurring cyst behind my ear. I often don’t feel it until it’s huge. Last year, I checked into a hotel for a few days whilst home working as I needed a change to scenery, and they were temperature checking everyone in the hotel. One night, I got a high fever. I was having cold sweats. I was paranoid I had covid. I went to bed early, lay on my side, and felt the pop. The feeling was amazing, and my fever went almost immediately. The resulting scum puddle on the pillow was around 5cm diameter and a mix of red, yellow and orange.

Unfortunately this year’s edition of the war cyst was quite a small pop. Only about a 10p piece this time.

It is such a shame when it lets you down like that, isn’t it, @ConnectedToSandsview!

I’m reading this thread with an expression that’s a mixture of 😳🤤😵😋

@BastardMozzies which random west African country was it? I’m heading to one next week and I’m now worrying about bringing maggotty things home.

One of my ear piercings got infected once, I looked in the mirror and there was a big pus filled cyst about the size of a grape on my earlobe. It popped as I was looking at it and half hit the mirror and the other half oozed out. This was 20 years ago and I still remember it fondly.