The best thing your body has produced *warning-grim content not suitable for weak-stomached persons*

[NoEffingWay]

Once, when I was about 20 my toenail started to hurt, I looked at it and it didn't seem different, but I noticed that the toenail was a teensy bit in the skin. I got the nail scissors out and cut the nail. It was like peeling open a can of ready-roll pastries-there was a small pause and then a pop as a small river of brown pus rolled out over my toe. I spent a happy half hour or so cleaning under the nail, and then over the course of about 6 months it grew out. I was almost sad when I said goodbye to the last thickened nasty toenail.
It has never happened again despite my best efforts to the contrary

@VaVaGloom

Gawd *@maddiemookins16mum* that’s like a boiled egg coming out your head!

Crikey are you sure that wasn't Lord Voldemort on the back of your head?

@maddiemookins16mum

Here’s my scalp cyst (before and after).

Crikey are you sure that wasn't Lord Voldemort on the back of your head?

Fuck me @RaspberryCoulis, that is amazing!

I was bitten by a horsefly when

I once had a really painful spot in a very intimate place. It has got worse and worse and I could hardly walk.
I went to the toilet at work and had a poke and a huge hard lump came partially out. I gave it a little squeeze and it came further out, then tried another angle and the rest came out in a moment of agony and relief.
It was a huge L shaped solid bit and I was loathed to get rid of it.
Still the most satisfying sporn I've ever had

I had my appendix out when I was 12ish. Hospital didn't let us know when the stitches should come out and I got up on morning of day 9 after the op and there was a tiny bit of green goo, shouted my mum, she took me straight down to the doctors. There was a tiny flap of skin over a stitch, the nurse took out a stitch and got a long needle to lift up this flap of skin and as she did do it was like a dam had burst. She grabbed a bin and held it up to my scar shouting for the doctor as she did so. There was about 2 pints of green stinky pus just pour out of my body with no assistance. It was truly disgusting. My gran had come with us and she nearly fainted. Took a hefty dose of antibiotics and 2 weeks of massaging my belly to finally clear that up.

When I was in my late teens I had warts all over my fingers, I managed to get hold of the main one and pull it out roots and all, left a huge crater in my finger bud all the others disappeared quite literally overnight.

I had a c section and burst a stitch sneezing which was fortunate as I had a septic tracking wound. The district nurse had to pack this wound with seaweed to aid healing, every day for 6 weeks. The first week or so she had to insert something the length of a knitting needle to reach the far end of the wound with the seaweed. Once it was all nearly healed up I was in the shower and felt something sharp, gave it a good old tug and a goodly length of suture came out. Could have done without it at that time to be honest!

Ffs sake, stupid phone. I was bitten by a horsefly when I was about six and remember having a dressing on it and it being quite nasty, then one night in the bath I looked down and this ribbon of green puss was spoiling from my arm in the water. I still have the scar 38 years later from that bite.
The other memorable one was one of the neighbours's cats who kind of adopted up. He had an abscess on his head by his ear. It had started to ooze a little so I got some cotton wool pads soaked in hot water and gently pressed them against it and so much blood stained green puss flowed out. Bless him, he purred the whole time I was cleaning it for him. He'd had a fever and I'm not sure he'd been taken to the vets by that point. He was much better after that. It smelt vile.
My mum had a spot just on the underneath of her nostril. She asked me to get it for her and it was a small white thing. When I squeezed it lots of white gunk came out that smelled exactly like the white gunk that comes out of ear piercing holes. It filled up again but sadly has not done since.
My brother had a lump behind his ear and now I know it will have been a cyst of some sort. One day in the car he let me squeeze it and it was like tiny silly string fitfully coming out. That was about 34 years ago and I remember it well.
Ds as a baby had a lump on his head and I took him to the GP as it was quite red and had a head on it. The GP had a good feel of it for ages and told me not to squeeze it. I think she was hinting that I could though. Got him home and didn't even need to squeeze as it just popped when I touched it because she'd primed it with all her probing and warned it up nicely.
My nana used to get my siblings' ear blackheads with a hair grip. Sporning is genetic for my family.
As a child i picked out a verruca and it left a satisfying hole in my foot. It was so round and perfect.

I love this thread so much. I read it eating my breakfast this morning. Hardcore sporner

10 years ago my colleague (podiatrist) decided to burst a tiny diabetic ulcer that had healed over but had a bit of pus under it. A perfectly routine procedure. As soon as the blade touched it the whole foot exploded all over his face even went into his mouth. It was a hideous sight. It left a four inch crater which we eventually healed up with vacuum therapy. I dont think he ever really recovered from the experience.

Ooh! @Harpydragon's post about a stitch reminded me.....
I had a septoplasty a looong while back (to help my breathing, not for cosmetic reasons).
I had no aftercare advice, and barely even registered what has been done (other than straightening my septum).
A few days after I went home, the end of a thread appeared, dangling from my nostril. Naturally, I pulled it, assuming it was loose and therefore ready to come out.
Well, a massive length of suture thread came out - somewhere around 6 to 8 inches long.
It turned out that I had plastic splints stitched in either side of my septum, and one of the stitches came loose. I would never have pulled if I knew what it was!
My septum is straighter than it was, but the op wasn't totally successful, probably as a result of me not knowing to leave the stitch alone (I got an infection too!)

Best I ever had was a little fat nugget came out of my mastectomy wound when the staples opened.

My dd aged 6 had a huge verruca on her foot that I painstakingly treated daily with bazuka. The skin died and went white and it began to lift itself away from the surrounding skin. One day the whole thing just popped out, leaving a huge crater in her foot. We examined the verruca together. It had multiple heads and was a thing of beauty. Dd loved it so much. Unbeknownst to me she put it in a purse and kept it. One day she went to her friends, they were sitting in the back seat of her friends mums car chatting away when dd announced she had bought something amazing to show them from home and held her prize verruca aloft for everyone in the car to see . Her friend went very pale and her mum had to pull over as she thought she was going to be sick. Dd then accidentally dropped the verruca and despite looking for it, sadly it was never found.

When I was about 8 or 9 I have a really bad flu. Lots of sinus pain which eased from painful to 'a bit of pressure' in the weeks after my illness. One day, back at school i leant down to pick up my violin case and something fell out of my nose. I caught it in my hand and put it into a tissue. The best way I can describe it is like a green cylindrical jelly baby. It was completely solid. Funnily enough the pressure eased after that.

I had spinal fluid leaking out of my back to the extent my jeans were soaked through. Doctor didn’t believe it had happened, so got me to turn on my side to let him inspect the issue, and the release of pressure meant it squirted him in the eye. I’m a great shot when I’m in agony, and he immediately got me into surgery.

A surgeon filmed the removal of my ovary for his class, it had a 15cm growth on it, and had developed necrosis; and he let me attend his lecture to watch the operation. Utterly fascinating to see my own insides; despite multiple requests, I wasn’t allowed to look during my C-Sections.

I’ve never had a spot in my life, and this thread has made me feel like I’m really missing out.

Ooh, what a thread.

I had a lump on my bikini line for ages. I thought it was an ingrown hair but no amount of prodding or poking would make it come up, so eventually I just left it and begrudgingly accepted that whatever it was wouldn't go. However, I went to a spa several months later and I think the combination of jacuzzis and steam rooms had definitely had an effect, because that evening I noticed it had come to a head. I asked exH to pierce it with a needle, which he obligingly did, and he hooked out a MASSIVE hair. He even ran to get a tape measure. It was six inches long! I then gave a gentle squeeze and a solid bit of pus slid out. So satisfying.

ExH also had a cyst underneath his armpit. He made an appointment for the GP but while waiting, one day he reached up to get something out of the cupboard and he felt it burst. When he took off his t-shirt the cyst was pouring this greeny-brown pus all down his side. And the smell! Ye gods, it was grim. I kept wiping and slightly squeezing and we must have been at it for about half an hour. It returned a few times and we'd excavate it, but eventually he had to get the sac removed and so our sporny fun came to an end.

I do miss ex's sporny ways.

Not as spectacular as some of these stories. Many years ago when I was in my early teens I was playing in a wood and jumping over a stream. I fell over and cut my elbow. It healed up but a little hard ball developed.
I used to play with it rolling it around, trying to squeeze it but nothing came out. I assumed it was scar tissue.
One night in a nightclub I was standing fiddling with it and felt it pop. Off I went to the toilets and gave it to good squeeze. Lots of gunk came out and it stank.

Next day I attacked it with a pair of tweezers. This was pre Dr Pimple Popper time so I wasn’t aware of the sack and that if a sack is left it will refill. I pulled the sack out

Similar to @ginswinger. I had 22 lymph nodes removed last June (only 3 turned out to be nasty) and I kept swelling up for a number of weeks even after the drain was removed. I would trot back to the hospital to be aspirated several times a week. Normally, they stick needle in and then use a syringe to syphon off the lymph fluid /blood. Would mine come out like this? Would it buggery. The only way to aspirate it was to leave the (bloody big) needle sticking out of the side of my chest and for the nurse to hold a jug underneath til it stopped . It usually drained for about 30 minutes a time, all the time I could hear it dripping into the jug. More than a litre a week came out of me for a few weeks. Couldn't feel a thing, as during the mastectomy than went along with the lymph node clearence, all the nerves were cut. I had been sent home with a jug to measure the contents of the drain - I can't even look at it now!

On a happier note, travelling back from visiting my brother in Aus aged about 17,stopped off in hawaii for a couple of days. It was overcast. I fell asleep on the beach for 1.5 hours wearing a bikini. Despite covering myself in spray on aftersun (which was a foam so I looked like a snowman) my forehead dried over and started to crack. I removed it in one piece, very satisfying

This is brilliant reading while nap trapped by my littlest.

I have several:

Had an itch round the back of my thigh so went to scratch it and out pulled a cm long blackhead. Left a crater for several weeks. Never had another one despite regular checking.

Much later, I had a really sore patch on my bikini line that kept rubbing. I'd tried prodding and sticking sterile lancets in to no avail. It was in an awkward place so hard to see but it started to get a purple centre. One day after a bath I decided to have another go with a lancet. Well. It was agony but the whole thing went pop and out poured green pus followed by yellow followed by dark blood that must have been trapped. The relief was such that I actually cried.

Final one DH got to do. I'd been complaining that I had a sore hard patch on my scalp, almost like a bruise. Took me a week to convince DH to take a look. He said he couldn't see anything so gave it a squeeze and so much solid gunk came out. Like a large flat blackhead. It was amazing but I was gutted that I didn't get to see it myself.

In my teens and twenties I suffered from sinus problems and I ended up having an operation where a bit of bone was scraped away.
Prior to the op a scan was done on my head and a “foreign body” was spotted in my cheek. Something round and pea sized. I had also been suffering with a vile smell that no one else could smell but seemed to live within me. It was a bit like the rancid smell of tonsil stones but so much stronger.

Anyway, after the op the doctor showed me the foreign body they found in my cheek and it looked like a piece of black hard grit the size of a pea. I opened the little tub it was in and that awful smell flowed out.

I have no idea what the ‘grit’ was I am glad it’s no longer in my body.

I recently had a tiny spot on my forehead that I assumed to be a white head. Damn thing wouldn’t budge no matter how many times I squeezed it. I’d try to scratch it out but the tiny little bump was just lodged there like a permanent fixture. I thought I was going mad. One day it occurred to me to try to tweezer the little bugger out & sure enough I got a grip & out it came - a white sliver of foreign matter. I did a quick dissection & it was like a hybrid of skin and feather - maybe some mutated hair & skin combination? It wasn’t a spot that’s for sure. It was a beautiful & mystical little operation though.

@VVKills27

I recently had a tiny spot on my forehead that I assumed to be a white head. Damn thing wouldn’t budge no matter how many times I squeezed it. I’d try to scratch it out but the tiny little bump was just lodged there like a permanent fixture. I thought I was going mad. One day it occurred to me to try to tweezer the little bugger out & sure enough I got a grip & out it came - a white sliver of foreign matter. I did a quick dissection & it was like a hybrid of skin and feather - maybe some mutated hair & skin combination? It wasn’t a spot that’s for sure. It was a beautiful & mystical little operation though.

Ooh this is fascinating. I love stuff like this.

I think I read about it on mumsnet, or maybe not but I remember a story where a toddler started with a swelling on their cheek and the parents took him to A&E. After a bit of a prod and poke, a feather came out of the swelling. Looks like it had peirced from the inside the mouth and started to come through the cheek. Always stuck with me.

I do miss ex's sporny ways.

Is that why you split? Lack of sporn?

sashh

Current DP is a very selfish sporner, which could be grounds for us splitting.

This thread has been wonderful

Like an earlier poster commented on the quality of the writing and descriptions has just been marvellous

I'm partly only posting to encourage more !

This is a glorious thread. I sadly have very few of my own tales to tell but I do remember my first tonsil Stone with fondness.

Best. Thread. Ever.

I’ll never forget what can only be described as two very large tomato seeds coming out of the gap between my boobs as a teen. I still have the craters.

The very last knitted suture from my c section scar. So satisfying pulling that beauty out slowly.

My DH has an outdoor profession where he gets grubby and I get some spectacular blackheads form his very deep pores.

It’s been nearly 2 years since stopping breastfeeding but I still get little calcified milk balls from around my nipples in the bath.