Which qualities did you or would you look for when choosing your children’s legal guardians? Share your thoughts with Beyond

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Lots of parents often think about who they would choose as legal guardians for their children, with a number of considerations being taken into account. It may be important that they’re family, or essential that your children are taught the values you believe in. Whatever your priorities, there’s no doubt that choosing your children’s legal guardians is an important decision for all parents. With this in mind, Beyond want to hear from you about how you chose, or would choose, legal guardians for your children.

Here’s what Beyond have to say:
“Without a will, the state determines what happens with your kids and assets, whether you’re married or not. So, a will is vital for parents, and Beyond make it simple and affordable to get it sorted online. In 15 minutes, you can protect your family with a legally-binding will - without ever having to leave the house. It’s perfect for busy mums and dads. Trusted by 1,000s of UK parents, Beyond’s easily updatable online will service lets you protect your family, choose guardians for children and pets and leave personal messages for your loved ones.”

Which qualities do you look for when deciding who to choose for your children’s legal guardians? Was it an easy decision, or was it something that took time to think about? How did you ask them to take on such a big responsibility - or have you not asked? Have you changed your mind since writing your will - if you have written a will at all?

Share the qualities you did or would look for in your children’s legal guardians on the thread below, and be in with a chance to win a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list), as well as a legally binding will for you and your partner.

Thanks and good luck!
MNHQ

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caring compassionate reliable mature couple

This is something me and my OH have discussed a few times but never come to a definite decision - so still haven't made a will.

We would want them to be looked after by someone they know well and are comfortable with - so it would have to be a family member. My sister in law and her husband would be the obvious choice - they are a similar age to us and have similar age kids. They also have morals and values in line with ours and enjoy doing similar things so I know our kids would have a similar childhood with them as they would with us.

It's such a big ask, financially as well as emotionally, but I know we would do the same for them should the need arise.

patience and similar values to myself, i thikk age was also so importasnt to me

We chose some dear friends who have the same (roughly) political, educational, financial lifestyle as us. They have no kids, although did consider it. They happen to be a gay couple. We considered lots of options and then asked them.

Previously it was my sister and her partner which was always a given (and a reciprocal agreement) but tragically she died and landing her partner with more kids as a single parent would be too much.

DH and I chose good friends as guardians for DD1 when she was younger and was the only child we had. We chose the friends because we liked their parenting of their DC and knew they'd make an effort to ensure DD1 stayed in contact with grandparents. We also knew they'd make sensible choices about schooling and wouldn't be squeamish about talking about us. Neither of us felt it would be right to choose any of our four siblings as they lead lives that have very different priorities from ours.

Now we have two DDs and a cousin of mine lives very close to us, she and her DH would be guardians. They have children too and we are the nominated guardians for them.

We’ve chosen close friends when deciding. We took into consideration our friends circumstances, how they cope with life in general, there opinions (are they similar to ours when it comes to raising children, education, discipline etc.), the faith they practice and if they would be able to cope with our DD who has a very complex disability. That was early on but things may change as our DS recently got engaged and he believes it makes sense to choose him and his fiancée. Having a child with a disability makes this decision so much harder.

This is a very difficult question as I have a day with asd, he's now 18, band a dd of 15u5 but the question is still there. I would have to appoint my sister (divorced) and my parents to ensure there was enough support.

My best friend and sister in law as their both amazing mums and I know he will be well looked after and my DH best friend as I know he will support them financially If we aren't here and they need it or something

Having Autism as a parent and family history of it, I am very careful who I trust, I would love to say my parents but my mum has mental health, so to me I trust very few people, but I would have to choose my mother in law, who plays an important roll in my children's lives and understands their needs, a person who will genuinely have my children's needs at heart and who I know my children enjoy spending time with.

We asked my sister and husband to be our sons guardian. They have brought up 2 lovely boys themselves, so i am confident they would be excellent and love my son. They are also young enough too, i worried about asking grandparents due to age and not wanted my child to effectively be orphaned twice in young years.

we chose husbands sis and husband as they are firm but fair with their children which is the way we are and we trust them to bring them up well and look after them with compassion

relatives firstly

someone who would respect our wishes

Someone who is close to our child and who they have a good relationship with, for a start. Then I consider personal values and judgement of how they would raise our child- I see how my older brother and his wife raises their girls and my baby would be lucky to have such brilliant 'parents'. Also the lifestyle that they would give our child- would the baby be taken places, given opportunities, have time invested in them and generally be given a lovely childhood. I would look at responsibility with money too because that would be more important than how much money they have- hopefully in the event of our deaths we would be able to leave some money behind to help with bringing up our baby anyway.

We've chosen my brother and SIL as they're a similar age, have a little one of their own and our DD knows them really well and adores them-

My parents would also be as involved as they possibly could be.

For me the most important thing when choosing someone to look after my babies is someone who will love my children unconditionally. Aslong as they know that however hard life is, theres someone at home who will always love them and welcome them home with their arms open wide!

My own parents firstly and a close friend who doesn’t have children of her own but who I know would be very sensible and loving. I thought about friends who have kids of a similar age but was concerned that it would be too disruptive for their children and possibly lead to conflict.

We put my sister in law as we trust her 100% to put the children’s interests first. We also wanted someone in our generation as our parents will be in their 80s when our youngest turns 18.

we chose immediate family as this is who our daughter is most familiar with. grandparents to our daughter first and then our daughter's uncle/aunt

My mum died suddenly when I was expecting my third child. It made my husband and I think seriously and we decided to write a will and name legal guardians for our children. After a great deal of thought, we named my sister, brother and stepfather as legal guardians.

We were both in agreement that our children didn't really know their other set of grandparents very well, even though they lived close by. Visits from the grandparents were rare and usually involved their daughter and her children being involved. We wanted to be sure that, in the event of our deaths, whoever was looking after our children would genuinely have their best interests at heart.

We chose three people because it was such a responsibility we didn't want to leave the decision to just one person and also because we knew that circumstances change. At the time of the will, my stepfather was in good health and, although I didn't expect him to provide actual day to day care for the children, I knew he was financially knowledgeable and would be give sensible advice regarding investing money etc.

My sister has two children who are 7 and 4 years older than my eldest child and, whilst I was in no doubt both her and her husband would offer my children a good home and life, she lives in Canada. At the time of writing our wills, the children were a few months old, two and four. At that point, if we had died, it would have been feasible for the children to move to Canada, if that was deemed the best decision; however, we later went on to have a fourth child, when our older children were eleven, nine and seven. Moving the older children to a different country at that stage would not necessarily have been in their best interests; yet would have been fine for a baby.

My brother, the third person named as having responsibility for our children, was, at that time, single but living close to us. He was really good with our three children and would babysit and take them out for days etc. However, I didn't think he would be in a position to care for the children on a full-time basis.

In one respect, none of the three given responsibility for our children would be able to have them move in and raise them. However, it was very important to my husband and I that my husband's family were not involved in the decisions concerning their upbringing. Added to that, our knowledge that my family would definitely have our children's best interests at heart, it seemed like the best decision at the time.

We have never changed our will and our children are now 24, 22, 20 and 13. My stepfather died shortly after the birth of our fourth child. In the event of our death before our youngest child is 18, I trust that my sister and brother would discuss the situation with our older children and the best decision for all would be reached.

Kindness
Affection
Reliable
No serious mental health or general health problems
Financially secure

We thought and talked long and hard about this when we made our will some years back.

We decided that Grandparents were not an option due to their ages - yes they would love and care for the children but children take hard work & energy and personally we thought this too much to ask anyone of advancing years. Life now is very different and 'parenting' and the changing world takes a lot of keeping up with.
DH's brother is not in a stable relationship and has not stuck with anyone long enough to raise any one of his own three children - so we sacked that idea straight away...
In the end, despite the fact that my brother and his wife live 160 miles away we thought they would be the best option should something terrible happen to us together. They have brought up my niece to be the most amazing, kind hearted, family orientated young lady (now 23) and we know they would continue to bring ours up in the same way - if they turned out half as lovely as she is we would be very proud!
We did of course discuss this with them before it went in black & white - I think you must before you ask someone to take on such a responsibility. My brother wouldn't have hesitated (as a blood relative) but he felt it fair that he give his wife the chance to think things through properly before they both committed. Fortunately for us they did both agree and the deed was signed.

Hopefully we will never, ever need this - but I think it is really important that people do think about these things and ensure proper plans are in place should the unthinkable happen...

Someone who knows and loves the children and who shares our values.

We thought a lot about this, and the discussions DH and I had really reminded me why I love him. When it matters, we share the same values.

We chose two different, but very good friends of ours. Choice 1 is Male and choice 2 is female.

We chose them because:

We trust them implicitly

Both love DS

Both love us and would talk about us / keep us alive

They both value education and success in a career, in the sense they have aspirations and are ambitious. However they both would wholeheartedly support DS if education isn't his thing, and encourage him in whatever he chooses, as long as he puts his heart into it.

Both have similar socio-economic positions to us so wouldn't be after DS' inheritance (is to speak)

Both would love him if he is LGBTQ or dated someone interracially etc

Both are active and would take him to see the world; both love to travel and have lived abroad

Both are interesting and kind

Both would ensure DS has a relationship with both our families.

We didn't go for my parents because they felt they would be too old to be good active parents. They want to be involved of course and both our nominees would support that and have good relationships with my parents. I don't have any siblings.

We didn't go for DH's family, as although we love them, they are very different to us. They live in the country in a very white traditional area, they aren't particularly open to other cultures or sexual orientations, they don't travel much, and are generally just a bit old fashioned. They also aren't particularly aspirational or motivated to explore, change, grow... and have a chip on their shoulder about success and education which doesn't make sense to me!

We would choose my mum as she has bought me and my siblings up brilliantly. I absolutely trust her to make the right decisions for my DC and know she would love and look after him. She is obviously older than me but she still has a lot of energy for her age and no serious health issues!

It would be my sister. She and I both share the same values and I know without a doubt that she would love them and care for them.