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MNHQ

Which qualities did you or would you look for when choosing your children’s legal guardians? Share your thoughts with Beyond

252 replies

AbbiCMumsnet · 14/08/2019 13:24

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Lots of parents often think about who they would choose as legal guardians for their children, with a number of considerations being taken into account. It may be important that they’re family, or essential that your children are taught the values you believe in. Whatever your priorities, there’s no doubt that choosing your children’s legal guardians is an important decision for all parents. With this in mind, Beyond want to hear from you about how you chose, or would choose, legal guardians for your children.

Here’s what Beyond have to say:
“Without a will, the state determines what happens with your kids and assets, whether you’re married or not. So, a will is vital for parents, and Beyond make it simple and affordable to get it sorted online. In 15 minutes, you can protect your family with a legally-binding will - without ever having to leave the house. It’s perfect for busy mums and dads. Trusted by 1,000s of UK parents, Beyond’s easily updatable online will service lets you protect your family, choose guardians for children and pets and leave personal messages for your loved ones.”

Which qualities do you look for when deciding who to choose for your children’s legal guardians? Was it an easy decision, or was it something that took time to think about? How did you ask them to take on such a big responsibility - or have you not asked? Have you changed your mind since writing your will - if you have written a will at all?

Share the qualities you did or would look for in your children’s legal guardians on the thread below, and be in with a chance to win a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list), as well as a legally binding will for you and your partner.

Thanks and good luck!
MNHQ

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Which qualities did you or would you look for when choosing your children’s legal guardians? Share your thoughts with Beyond
OP posts:
HappydaysArehere · 21/08/2019 10:36

I have had a Neff for ten years and has this facility on it. It is wonderful. Would never go back to the backbreaking labour and chemicals if before. You have to remove. rungs but I put these in the dishwasher on the hottest wash. Also make sure there are no lumps of fat in the oven. Also good idea to wipe inside of door over but not really necessary. Press the buttons and let it do its work. At the end you will see a little ash on the bottom which takes seconds to wipe out.

Sleepybumble · 21/08/2019 11:32

We chose my brother and his wife. They are really loving and have similar parenting styles to us. It was an easy decision as we love them very much.

queenoftheschoolrun · 21/08/2019 11:38

We chose my Mum. We have the same values and I know she would have DD's best interests at heart. That's not to say DD would necessarily live with her - she would be the one to decide where the best place for her would be. Very hard decision but so important.

Moobirch · 21/08/2019 11:47

I'd choose somebody who is going to be alive for a long time, if my daughter lost me, I wouldnt want her going through it all again when my mum dies, I think I'd choose my brother

Number3or4 · 21/08/2019 15:57

My parents (dh both parents are dead), if not them the person who got a room for them and is financially able. From either one of my siblings and dh siblings that live in this country. Things always change, there is no guarantee my dsis will still be able to have them in 10yrs. So far they are all great choices and if I die tomorrow along with my dh and parents it will be my dsis. I had this conversation a long time ago with my parents and that is when my df said why not trust the government? Social services always favor family and it is not like they (my sibling) will shy away from their dsis kids. I have not left that there of course, I have had the conversation with my dsis and dsis in law made it clear before marriage about her agreement with dh that he would take care of her kids in case of death. She is a wonderful lady and I told her I expect the same if my parents and dh die with or before me. Unless there is a sibling who lives closer with a bigger property and more income. I was not being mean but looking at it practically. and she appreciated the honesty and said as long as we promise to take her kids on, she is very happy. She has done her will and we still haven't.

fountainpen · 21/08/2019 18:26

Important qualities to me are that guardians are responsible and loving people who listen and would take my son's views seriously. We're lucky, my sister and her family live close and my son sees her nearly every day.
We have an informal understanding that we would look after each other's kids if something terrible happened. Myself and my sister do need to formalise things with wills though.

PoshAida · 21/08/2019 18:54

My mom would have been ideal but for the age factor hence chose her younger sister (my aunt) whose much younger and am very certain has good moral standards, and good parenting skills and would imbibe them in my kids in case of eventualities and am not there.

doctorboo · 21/08/2019 21:29

We haven’t sorted out our wills yet, as we rent and have very little savings, but we have started discussing who would have the boys if we passed away.
We’re currently leaning towards my parents having the boys as they’re retired, have a good cash flow and can give stability housing wise. Obviously they also really love the boys and would put them first, which we couldn’t 100% be sure other family members would do. A horrible realisation, but at least our eyes are open!

novadragon84 · 21/08/2019 21:55

Their personality and values and more importantly how others around them perceive them.

Youwanapizzame · 22/08/2019 12:26

Qualities I would want are

kind, loving, patient but firm
Preferably parents already but not essential
Known/loved by our children

This worries me greatly as we don't have close family and have elderly parents. My brother and sil are not together and I don't think they are great parents themselves... they wouldn't cope.

This is why we haven't done a will already although we know it's a must....

keely79 · 22/08/2019 12:32

I chose my sister and husband. They are solvent, great parents, see the children regularly and would maintain contact with my mother who looks after my children after school.

ConorMcGregorsChin · 22/08/2019 14:36

Someone kind. With good intentions and family values. Someone who would foster a safe environment and be engaged in the development of my child- emotionally and otherwise.

ha2el · 22/08/2019 16:12

I would choose family as I trust their natural instincts to nurture my children as I would. My parents would be my first choice.

honeyharris · 22/08/2019 17:59

We chose our child's legal guardians because they were close personal friends of both of us, relatively financially stable, our son thinks they are great and they interact positively with him. They also don't have any children at home (male has children with ex partner)

farhanac · 22/08/2019 18:12

Very fortunate to have brothers we trust totally

Vole3 · 22/08/2019 18:55

I chose my brother when writing my will in contemplation of my upcoming divorce.
XH is an only child and not close to cousins, aunts and uncles as they live in the north west and we’re in east anglia. XIL’s have passed away.
I’m the youngest of 9 and see my family in the South at least 4 or 5 times a year. DS is close to his uncles and cousins on my side and as he has been growing up they gave him their time and they have shared interests.

Toadsrevisited · 22/08/2019 20:37

Someone who loved and valued time outdoors, books, and conversation. That's more important to me than financial or social status.

DaffyDuck473 · 22/08/2019 23:47

We choose My husbands parents. We know our children would have the stability, love and most of all at a hard time in their lives the emotional support they would need to carry them through life without us.

Pegase · 23/08/2019 06:28

I would choose my sister. My husband's parents are too old and my sister has the same values as I do

runlift · 23/08/2019 08:32

We asked my sister and her husband. They are loving , honest and kind. They are family oriented and would look after the kids best interests. They are also young, as opposed to my parents. We could have asked my dh brother but, whilst very nice and successful etc, there values are further from ours with more focus on work and less on family time.

WowOoo · 23/08/2019 12:40

We asked some very close friends who share similar values to us after they'd asked us to be the guardians of their children.
It could change in the future as there's a possible move abroad for one of my friends.
Siblings would step in too - I have done in the past when there was an illness in the family.

dannyelle · 23/08/2019 15:37

Someone kind, familiar & comfortable with the kids and vice versa. Someone who is trustworthy and reliable and dependable, that I would be able to trust with my own life.

Bymster · 23/08/2019 17:05

We would want a couple who are a similar age to us, with a Christian faith, and who love our children - someone who is a family member.

Millierose2013 · 23/08/2019 20:05

I would choose my mum and stepdad they have the means to take good care of my children they are good role models and have their best interests at heart. They would help with their education and guide with good decision making. Most of all they will except them for who they are xx

annarack99 · 23/08/2019 21:21

Similar values to myself