Which qualities did you or would you look for when choosing your children’s legal guardians? Share your thoughts with Beyond

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Lots of parents often think about who they would choose as legal guardians for their children, with a number of considerations being taken into account. It may be important that they’re family, or essential that your children are taught the values you believe in. Whatever your priorities, there’s no doubt that choosing your children’s legal guardians is an important decision for all parents. With this in mind, Beyond want to hear from you about how you chose, or would choose, legal guardians for your children.

Here’s what Beyond have to say:
“Without a will, the state determines what happens with your kids and assets, whether you’re married or not. So, a will is vital for parents, and Beyond make it simple and affordable to get it sorted online. In 15 minutes, you can protect your family with a legally-binding will - without ever having to leave the house. It’s perfect for busy mums and dads. Trusted by 1,000s of UK parents, Beyond’s easily updatable online will service lets you protect your family, choose guardians for children and pets and leave personal messages for your loved ones.”

Which qualities do you look for when deciding who to choose for your children’s legal guardians? Was it an easy decision, or was it something that took time to think about? How did you ask them to take on such a big responsibility - or have you not asked? Have you changed your mind since writing your will - if you have written a will at all?

Share the qualities you did or would look for in your children’s legal guardians on the thread below, and be in with a chance to win a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list), as well as a legally binding will for you and your partner.

Thanks and good luck!
MNHQ

Standard Insight Terms & Conditions apply

My auntie. She is only 5 years older than me.
She brought me up, was the most influential person of my life, other than her mother, my grandmother.
The way she parents her children is how I want my children parented.
She is nurturing, kind, adoring, thoughtful and committed completely.
My kids love her & her husband.

We formulated our will with a solicitor. We also have a clause that covers financial support for life for them.
We formulated it when we had our second child.

I am an intensive care nurse.
I see horrendous, horrific and tragic things in my working life.
I see first hand how a life can change in a second.
I need a plan. I have a plan... along with a donor card/registration and everyone knows of my wishes.

It’s all part of my basic housekeeping and should be for everyone.

My mum would be first choice and if she wasn’t able then we had a predicament, none of our brothers are suitable, illness and don’t parent the way we do and my sis in law lives too far away meaning our children would need to be uprooted away from everything familiar therefore my best friend and her husband were asked. They are a bit more relaxed as parents than me but they have good morals, are amazing parents and love our children as their own.

Not my mum.
Is a really tricky one if you don't have family you would trust. Dds godparents would be our choice.

It was an easy one for us - my brother and SIL. They have same aged children and same values. They have put us down as legal guardians for theirs too. We both made wills to that effect too, and clarified with the friends who are executors that all money from estate was to go into the new family unit, not just for the kids in trust, to ensure that they would be as integrated as possible and that nobody would feel they were suffering from this change.

It's a massive responsibility - If I had time - I'd plan, year on year what I wanted for DS1 and 2 and leave a trust fund for their education.
I really don't know who I would leave the responsibility to - parents - no, sister - no, best friends all have 2 or 3 children of their own, and to ask them to take 2 more on - with the emotional turmoil that would bring to all involved, really really stumped. I would really have to think about this . IMO loving foster parents would be better than my parents and in-laws, their values, and how they look after their money would really worry me if they were my only choice. I have written a simple will leaving all to my OH and 50/50 to the children once over 18.

I chose mil as she looks after the children how I would want them to be cared for and loves them unconditionally. I know with her their physical and mental welfare would be fine. If she goes before us then my sister would also possess the qualities we desire, caring, firm but not too strict with an element of fun about them. Someone that can provide the care and love that they would need without us. It cant just be a who loved them more thing, it has to be who can take care of them on a practical and financial level as well.

I would choose my parents but they are older and statistically most likely to die next - so I won’t. It would be too upsetting for my children to lose us and then them therefore I would choose my brother and his partner. They know me the best. They love my children and I have children from two relationships and so I feel because they are all equally my brothers nieces and nephews (my in laws now would treat my older children differently) he would love and treat them all the same. We see them frequently too which would help.
It’s very emotional to think it about all this but I guess everyone needs to

Truthfully, I am thinking about this at the moment. On my side of the family there is more of them and more support but on my partner's side of the family there is routine and familiarity as they live in same area. It's a huge decision, which I'm still trying to make.

We've been talking about this recently. I think it has two factors mainly - having someone with the resources to raise them (not rich but in the position where raising additional kids was possible for them without putting them in a difficult financial position), and secondly someone who you think shares a similar parenting ethos even if their views of the world aren't the same as yours. I think it gets more difficult the more kids you have as it becomes a bigger and bigger thing you're asking someone to do, too.

My 9 month old granddaughter has eaten the green stalk of a strawberry before we could get to her. She seems fine but should I be worried thanks

I chose my best friend.

She is someone I have known for many years, respect deeply and has always been a big part of my DC life.

I know she is stable, responsible and reliable.

She would parent very differently to me, she is far more strict for example and has different views on a lot of things but would still be the best person for the job.

After having Meningitis and nearly losing my life this became a constant worry. You see people at their best and worse when you are trying to survive. I would say I would value someone who as been there for me,loved and cared for me without judgements or reservations, this person I know would also treat my child the same.

My sister. But with a life insurance payout so she didn’t have to worry about finances.

It was an extremely difficult decision. What we wanted was someone to love them as we did, but that was not going to happen. Failing that we wanted someone who would genuinely care about their happiness and would bring them up to be a good person. Parents were out (too old, health reasons), brothers and sisters/ inlaws didnt necessarily share the same values, seriously considered a couple of friends but in the end it was down to SIL. We had to agree to take on her children if necessary. As soon as our child got to 16 it was changed so that they could stay at school and with friends.

Our child would have come with a substantial financial package attached, making sure you have insurance in place makes it easier to ask someone.

We were torn between my sister and DH's brother. Both would be good but who would be better would depend on when it happened and what stage of life everyone was at - where they were living, age of their kids etc.

Pressed post halfway through!

What was explained to us though is the legal guardians you choose are not necessarily the people DC would live with, they are the people that will make the decision

We therefore made dsis and DH's dB joint guardians and the decision will be made by them based on the caveats we have stated - no moving school, stay in touch with family, keep going to church etc.

Life insurance policy in place to cover financials and we have the bigger house so likely they would move in here

There's a lot to consider. We haven't got a will at the moment but we know we need to sort this. We've discussed all the options and decided on SIL and we asked her and she's happy with being written into a will. The things we spoke out were:

• age of guardians
• location and ability to stay in local area
• morals and values
• closeness and bond with our children currently

As a single parent, it is something I needed to do, but in the eyes of the law, my child would go to their other parent if anything happened to me. I have appointed a guardian and asked him to appoint her as well, so that if anything happened to me, then him, that that guardian would be that one.

It is hard knowing who to appoint as everyone has their own family and no room etc. Out of the god parents, one is deceased, the other one has a benefit family mostly, and one has no DC. The other is busy with grown up DC. I look at friends, but again, wonder how they could shoehorn DC into their lives. My mum would 100% take DC on, but in her 70's would find a teenager hard.

Regarding the will, my executors are also the trustees, and they would release money as and when required for major expenses etc, but not for living costs unless it was paid directly for say school dinners, or a mobile phone etc.

The other important thing with a will when you are separated is to state what happens to the money should you and your DC die at the same time. Horrible to think about, but the oldest person is always deemed to have died first, so my will would kick in and leave to DC. If DC is a minor with no will, then their next of kin would get everything.

I don't want XH to benefit from the help that my family gave me to buy my home etc, so my will states that if we go together, then everything goes to my family.

It is little details like that, that make it very important that your will is written properly and with expert advice.

Me and my husband have chosen someone who knows both of us inside out. We wanted them to be able to talk about us and answer questions about all sorts of things which our child might have wondered. Should the worst happen it was important that whoever we chose could share memories and knowledge about what we were like as people. It must be the hardest thing in the world losing your parents but to never know all the little quirky non important things about them would make it so much harder.

We went with the chidren's Godparents as they shared our values on honesty, integrity, kindness, loyalty, a good education etc.

It's got yo be someone you trust completely . This would be my parents, I was very lucky to have amazing parents who gave me a stable and loving childhood. So I know they would do the same and more with my children.

That they are kind, caring, loving and already have a great relationship with them! That they have similar qualities and boundaries as we do.

We are still deciding, someone caring, responsible and fun.

For my step-son, we picked my partner's sister and husband. She has 2 wonderful girls and only slightly older than me, although it isn't ideal she lives in another city. But we opted for the love, support and care they would give him should the worst happens.

It would have to be somebody who had the same values and principles as we did and who could provide a stable family life and upbringing and also lots of love and understanding.