Do you talk to your children about emotional wellbeing? Share with the GDST for a chance to win a £300 John Lewis voucher

[EmmaMumsnet]

NOW CLOSED

There’s been a huge change over the years in how we speak out mental health, and it’s becoming more and more apparent that we need to be educating our children about their emotional wellbeing as well. The Girls’ Day School Trust (GDST), a family of 25 schools across the UK, would like to hear your views on how we can help children to be happy and feel good in the world.

What do you think affects your children's mental health and how do you talk to them about it? Do you think exam pressure or even entrance exams cause your children stress? Does social media affect your children? Do they talk to you about their emotions or do you approach the topic of mental health if you see them struggling? Do you think mental health and wellbeing should be discussed and taught in schools?

Please share how you talk to your children about their emotional wellbeing and you will be entered into a prize draw to win a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list).

Thanks

MNHQ

Terms and conditions apply

My girls are 13 and 12. I regularly check in with them to find out how they are doing. When they have fall outside with friends, I tell them they can only be hurt if they allow themselves to be, that much of what we experience emotionally is a choice. I encourage them to keep diaries too.

I have talked to them about how people think in pictures. And those pictures are like snap shots of things we have seen before. For example, many people are scared to go downstairs in the evening, most likely because they at some point have watched a horror to do with the stairs and it is a picture of that which pops into their head. I explained that what they choose to watch, read or listen to, can have a huge effect on emotional well being.

My daughter recently complained of feeling low in the evenings. I asked her what she could do about it and she said she didn't know. So I asked her what made her feel happy, even just for a few moments. She said watching animal videos on YouTube. I told her to make a list of all the things that make her feel even a little bit happy and work through the list. She put things like having a bubble bath, wearing her cosy onesie, listening to her favourite songs etc.

I think it's hugely important to discuss mental health with children and hugely important to begin teaching children how to be responsible for their own emotions as soon as possible.

I think after seeing their Nan suffer severe depression their whole lives, my four have a good awareness of mental health and strategies on how to cope.
I myself was a carer for my Mum when I was a young teen because of my Mums mental health, and so I have worked hard to ensure my children are open and honest if they are feeling stressed, low, or anxious.

I do blame a lot of schools ( not all!) for the massive uprising in mental health problems, the unending pressure, the unrealistic goals, the constant drive, its why I home educate mine, and they are amazingly strong for it. My son had a perfect school attendance until he hit 14, then became very ill, he was suffering daily and the school, well, they pretty much told him
'Either get better and have a good life, or stay ill and you won;t get anywhere!'
It was one of the most awful times in our lives, constantly having to prove my child was ill, and this really could have caused him so much damage. He was bullied by teachers when he finally was well enough to go back and laughed at for trying to catch up, but he did, thanks to dedication, but the enormous stress he was put under destroyed my confidence in our education system and I took my remaining three children out of school and the difference in our lives has been amazing.
They can be kids, relax and have fun the way kids should, they read, have fun, enjoy themselves, they still learn, but don;t have it shoved down their throats the way they do these days in school! x

My eldest is a catastrophiser (is that a word?) And everything's awful and nothing ever goes right.
One thing which has helped is that especially in the morning I try really hard to put a positive spin on things when getting them out the house not nagging and shouting but relentless almost over the top Pollyanna optimism e.g. "looks like a beautiful day out there/you look great! Well done for bringing washing down, that's very grownup/it's going to be a great one/go get em tiger" etc

It takes superhuman effort sometimes but it has led to an improvement in the way the day starts. I've got a few motivational type of posters around, one on the back of the front door which might sound twee and some kids not to mention adults would find it really irritating!... but it seems to set him off on the right foot. When I'm stressed and flapping he picks up on it so smoothing things down in the environment has a positive effect.

I have one teenager and one pre-teen. The oldest is yet to be bothered by exam stress or much else really - he is lucky I think that his mental health is pretty good, he is not one to think about things much. Tragically a boy in his school year did take his own life and we have had some discussions since then. I encourage him to be open and talk about things, and I keep an eye on social media he uses.
My younger child is more of a worrier, with some anxiety. I try to monitor his emotional health on a daily basis and try to model feeling positive about things and finding a better way to think about something rather than putting himself down. It is a constant draining battle to be honest and I do worry a lot about him. We have had Camhs referrals but been signed off as he is not 'bad enough' for them to offer any help. School do have a vital role in spotting children who are struggling and helping to normalise talking about emotional difficulties, however I think the teachers need help and training (and therefore more money funnelled to this area) in order to offer the best help.

Talk in any way and every way. Be honest, talk about one's own ups and downs, but also show that things pass and that there are ways out of the gloom.
I have not put my DC up for entrance exams. Their worth is not calibratable in that way and I make sure they know that. Such competition is ruining children';s mental health and I see it in my own job daily and it horrifies me.

I think its a more ''talking about it mental mental issues now than its ever been, which is good as it is brought to the front a lot more now than ever before. I think the kids from today have it tough, I think exams are tough, and still there is bullying in school, less than it was I think, but sometimes it happens out of school on the journey to or from. I think if they have got at least one person that they feel comfortable with then the confidant child can help the other child, by talking, but also encourageing them to seek help. I thought at one stage, there trying to open up mental health offices round the built up areas, and there would be out reach workers for a few hours a week where they could be available but are not, as they don't have enough staff or the resources to do it, All the cuts over tha last few years, and I still can't see it coming back, but the best cure of mental health is to talk and listen,and you know listener is not as easy as you think, as the topic comes up and its hey that happens to me, and before you know it the topic has gone as the listner is talking about that, but these kids are not trained to listen or help but some do an Amazing job.

I encourage DS to be reflective on what may be causing him to feel the way he is. His anxiety or sadness often presents as anger, but he is starting to realise that which is helpful in opening up discussions.

I was really keen on this. Started signing with my son when he was 8 months and found the signs for emotions so helpful way beyond the time he found it very helpful to communicate using signs and speech for emphasis I really wanted him to be able to communicate with me and to be able to name his feelings so by the time he was two, we were using signs and speech to communicate about feeling angry cross sad happy and I make sure that we have books in the house and I ask when we are reading ‘how do you think this person is feeling? look at their face how do you think that person is feeling?’ So that he knows how to name emotions because my nickname and emotion it’s easier to manage.

I have found it is so helpful in managing the big emotions that my son has because he can experience them quite intensely and it’s so helpful even though he’s nearly 4 we can have quite good conversations about how he is feeling emotionally.

It was also really important to me that because he was a boy he didn’t have his emotional development squashed by other people. I wanted him to know that if you feel sad it’s okay to cry, that if he is frightened it’s okay and that he shouldn’t have to snap out of it or hide those emotions because he is a boy. So for example, when older adults or his child carers would say ‘well done for being a brave boy or, worse, ‘a big man’ - you didn’t cry at all’, I would ask them to not couple those two things together and and I would just gently reinforce to my son that it is okay to cry if we feel like this and to ask for a hug and acknowledge the feeling then think about how to cheer ourselves up.

My other half struggles with his mental health - he has ups and downs and constantly is battling his worries. I think my children are aware of it and we try to talk as much as possible.
Children are now under such pressure to be perfect, to look perfect and to be popular. I just talk openly to mine that it is ok to be different but to always try to be kind and caring to others.

We try to be open about our feelings, and discuss the reasons behind them.

I definitely believe that mental health & wellbeing should be taught in schools.

They know I'm always there for them. I want to have a very open and honest relationship with them like I do my dad. We talk about everything and I think that's very important

I always talk to DS every day after school and we always have a chat about everything. I like to think that this has made me closer to him and he has always told me about any bullying or stress he's going through. He's an emotional kid already and easily upset so I feel this helps him to not keep things inside that would otherwise cause him harm to his mental state.

I think 'the genie has been let out of the bottle' when it comes to social media - mobile phones and the 24/7 world with no escape - so no wonder our children seem to have more mental health issues than ever before - with cyber bullying - comparing themselves to 'perfect' humans on social media, they need the knowledge how to deal with this - how to process what is on media, and yes, schools should play a big part in this, there should always be a non-judgemental open door for every student to be able to talk about their feelings, I have 2 sons and always tell them to talk to me or a teacher if they have any feelings which make them sad, this, hopefully will stay with them to adulthood.

My children are under 10 but I try to guide them to learn to recognise, and accept all their emotions.. even the horrible ones! And then to be able to articulate what the feeling is before we can then workout why... my exhusband was of the school of thought of telling them to pretend to be happy or puta brave face on... repressing your emotions basically so I try really hard to let them know that all emotions are valid...

we do need to talk about it more. It's a very challenging subject, not least because nobody really knows for sure what works, it's not something that lends itself to good quality scientific research (how do you double blind whether you're talkinga bout something??)

I think that teaching your child to recognise, name and accept their feelings from a young age is the first step in this. I try to use emotion coaching language at school and have begun to use a simplified version with my two year old.
E.g. I think that you are feeling cross because you have to stop playing. I sometimes feel cross when I have to stop doing something that I am enjoying. Let’s go and do our writing now and we will be able to carry on playing later.

As a teacher I very much believe we should teach about mental health and wellbeing in school. I try and model this with my young children- basics like good sleep hygiene and health routine and habits including the importance of exercise and being positive and thankful. I also make clear mental health is not the same as mental illness there is a long continuum.

I definitely believe exams create stress but often the source of that stress can be reduced by parents and school working together with children. Especially when it starts very young in mainstream school,- sats for 7 year olds do not need to be seen as exams. There is no legislation for them to be done in such a formal way as they are in many schools. The end of year 6 sats are often done in small groups and we need to see this transferred down!

I wish I knew, D's is v self conscious that he seems to be a late developer and his parents eve has left me feeling crushed, his teacher described his confidence as at rock bottom, and he has been sobbing talking to us.

This is such an important issue. I try and be really open with my children, to label feelings, to be empathetic to situations they face and how they might feel and try to give opportunities to them to be able to speak out - often when doing other things like driving, or cooking.

However, my experience is that children's resilience and willingness to be open about their feelings differs greatly. I have one child who is very self-contained, very comfortable in her own skin but who really does not feel the need to talk - either about the small stuff or the big stuff - though I hope she knows she can always speak to me if she needs to.
By turns I have another child who is much less assured, much more influenced by peers, and who is more open to talk - though very often articulates her feelings in actions that make it hard to talk - putting up barriers with the 'I'm fine' response. It is hard to know how to work round this beyond being a constant reassuring presence for when they need it.

Finally I have a very content, resilient, open child who chats about everything, can deal well with things when they don't go to plan and discusses how to respond, and has a brilliant attitude to seeing the good in herself and others.

They all get advice and support on mental health in school - from PSHE lessons, mindfulness advice, resilience guidance and so on, Children - just like adults - are all different and are complex - and parenting I think is about responding to the different needs of each child. I am still muddling my way through but I tell all my children daily that they are loved irrespective of what they say or do. I also try and model dealing with my own feelings and separating out feelings from actions.

Finally, my one piece of advice that I try and remind them is that we can't control the actions of others - but we do have control about how we respond to those either in how we act or how we feel about them. There is a lot of power in that!

DS is 7 and has always worn his heart on his sleeve. He is very easily upset if something affects him, even happy tears. Over the years we (and his school) have discussed his emotions and talked about situations that trigger them and how we can help him manage them.

I think mental health should absolutely be discussed in schools. The teenage years especially are a hormonal and emotional time and I think it's really important our emotions and mental health are discussed way before then. If they do become depressed or they feel they need to speak to someone, they will know already who they speak to in school and if mental health is openly discussed at home, they know they can turn to us as parents and be listened to.

it is even harder when your child is autistic and has a very high bases level of anxiety. We have to micromanage everything in his day because if anything goes wrong it is so stressful. He is getting lots of help with managing and recognising his emotions with the use of social stories which teach him appropriate responses in different situations. In school they have a lesson called 'resilience' which is teaching them about all this sort of thing and DS loves it because he has a cool teacher.

It’s a regular discussion in our house as 13 and 16 year old girls! Social media is a curse and the biggest negative influence cin on mental well-being and I hate it and my girls are beginning to see that for themselves and have already unfollowed several friends nfluencers as they make them feel awful about how they look or their lives, they are slowly but surely starting to see it for themselves rather than me nagging them. We regularly force social media breaks and remove phones if we have to. I say if you can’t cope with how social media makes you feel then your not mature enough to access it, my husband refuses to have Facebook for the same reason.
I’m also open with them about my own struggles and how the brain can play tricks on you and how destructive a negative thought process can be . I encourage them to be open with me about how they feel and their worries which they often are.

my dd is 12 and stuggles with the social aspect of school, is shy, under-confident, worries people are laughing at her, judging her, this affects her the most at school and has made her physically sick, its a definite form of anxiety that we are dealing with, and I spend as much time as possible chatting to her, reassuring her, giving her as much space and support as I can, and letting her know that I'm always there for her.
I would love there to be moe support in school though, this has been lacking and apart from a chat with the head of year and the promise of a social speaking grop they'd like her to attend (dd isnt keen!) they havent offered any practical solutions even though it is affecting her attendance as it makes her physically sick...

very tough one!

We always talk about our day over tea - all of us - so we can share high and lows. Lucas is 7 and doesn't really tend to share his emotions - when upset or stressed he tends to get shouty and can hit out. He finds emotions to handle so we always stick to simple language when talking about his feelings. When he gets overwhelmed he will disappear to his bedroom with a book and we always allow him his space when he needs it.

One of mine has neuro disabilities and has always been extremely anxious, but is experiencing some pretty dramatic dips in his mood, now he's in his teens. He does his own equivalent of sticking his fingers in his ears and shouting lalalala when anyone broaches the subject of his mental health with him. We have to mention things in abstract, rather than personal, terms and focus on striving for the positive rather than battling the negative. He sometimes uses emojis with staff at his school.