Do you talk to your children about emotional wellbeing? Share with the GDST for a chance to win a £300 John Lewis voucher

[EmmaMumsnet]

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There’s been a huge change over the years in how we speak out mental health, and it’s becoming more and more apparent that we need to be educating our children about their emotional wellbeing as well. The Girls’ Day School Trust (GDST), a family of 25 schools across the UK, would like to hear your views on how we can help children to be happy and feel good in the world.

What do you think affects your children's mental health and how do you talk to them about it? Do you think exam pressure or even entrance exams cause your children stress? Does social media affect your children? Do they talk to you about their emotions or do you approach the topic of mental health if you see them struggling? Do you think mental health and wellbeing should be discussed and taught in schools?

Please share how you talk to your children about their emotional wellbeing and you will be entered into a prize draw to win a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list).

Thanks

MNHQ

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Naming feelings is really important, and I think it’s also good not to shield children from all tension. They’re not stupid, and they already know what’s going on even if we would rather believe they don’t. They need to see that adults can argue but then make up again.

I don't have a kid but always buying a gift to my nephew from 4colordress.com Thank you

My children are still quite young so I imagine we have a minefiekd ahead of us when it comes to the stress and emotional challenges they will face in their teenage years. At the moment, I use the tactic of not putting pressure on them about little spelling tests or SATS. I tell them: the school is not testing you. It is making sure that your teacher is teaching you correctly 😝 I think the key is to start talking about feelings with your children from a young age so that when they are older talking to you is just part of the usual routine.

I have two small dc so thankfully at the moment exam stress, social media etc are not current sources of anxiety but I am mindful of what lies ahead and laying the foundations.
I am open with my dc about my feeling and have tried to explain the difference between physical pain and metal pain/upset. I have encouraged them to share their feelings and talk through things if they are upset. We also talk about how people may feel and how their actions impact on other peoples feelingd I hope they are open with me and can speak to me

Modelling. Allow yourself to make mistakes and talk about what you learnt from them. Self- reflect overtly for them. Prompt questions for them when appropriate. Model self worth and articulate theirs to them. Metacognation - day what’s happening.

Say

Mental health is discussed in schools. Beyond PSHEE discussions and assemblies, our school recently celebrated hello yellow day in conjunction with Young Minds to raise awareness. Mental Health First Aid England provide excellent teacher training and resources to help with mental health crises.

Students are very good at talking about their mental health however the real issue we should be talking about is treatment. Schools have to pay for a trained counsellor/ psychotherapist from their normal budget and there is never enough money to buy in the number of hours needed. If your CAMHS referral is even accepted, there can be an 18 month wait for treatment.

It's all very good and well raising awareness but my biggest concern as a specialist in this area is diagnosis and treatment of mental ill health.

I really pay attention to my daughter's reactions and behaviours, especially if she is acting out and I'm not sure why?
So I try to identify the causes by talking and listening to what she has to say, patience is key.
Sometimes I think she has low self esteem which I encountered as a child and we talk through her fears and worries then she is much happier about a situation.
Communication, understanding and identifying causes early on has really helped my daughter with her emotional well being and minimise anxieties as children do find it hard to open up sometimes.

I am so glad mental health is less of a taboo subject, and much much more understood, I struggles all through my school years with hidden eating disorders, anxiety and panic attacks. I think social media has made pressure in children so much more than when I was at school, and they must learn how to cope, adapt and speak out about their feelings, worries and I would not let my DC's have a social media account until they are at high school - the same applies to a mobile phone. Schools should cover this topic sensitively and proactively from an early age, and I would like to have input, and information about how this is done, so I can help at home, and learn how to spot any early signs of depression, self harm and an eating disorder. Thanks for making me think about this subject mumsnet.

I think I lead by experience; I had low self esteem and body dysmorphia growing up so we talk about it a lot and encourage them to voice their fears. Things like bra fittings and periods were a nightmare for me growing up; we talked about them way way earlier and in a much more relaxed way. They know they can text me to talk about things if that makes it easier. We also talk positively about each other and other people so as not to fall into a trap of saying nasty hurtful things about each other

Once a week I sit down with Dr and look at mood cards. They are cards with feelings and emotions on. Dd picks a card and we look at the word and discuss it. Relating it to her week and her life. We talk about her feelings, and I actively listen. I always take on board what she says and never belittle it. In their world, what we might find trivial is hugely important to them. We also regularly go out for walks and talk about her week/day. I ask her what she would like me to do if she has a problem. I centre things around her, so she always (within reason) has a choice. I try and make sure she has full autonomy.

Mental illness effects every family, it definitely effects mine and I feel it is very important to acknowledge this and be open and honest with children from a young age. I think tv shows aimed at young children do address this more now. Schools I feel should be more involved in addressing this as they could do it on mass. I do believe from a very young age children how to much pressure put on them either with exams, being excepted from peers and family.

By being open and talking about my own emotional wellbeing and ways I cope and leaving it open for discussion. Making sure they know they can always and should talk to if needed parents/friends/teachers/GP etc x

Encouraging discussion about emotions. Being "allowed" to say "I am angry" and discuss the roots of that anger, and how to get back to a non-angry place. Being honest about how I feel even though it may not be nice or may potentially be upsetting. Saying it's okay to be selfish sometimes if that is what is needed to be happy (e.g. leaving her dad because I was unhappy was a selfish thing to do but needed to be done for a better long term outcome)

In a nutshell I think children should have their feelings validated and their parents there for them, listening to them, being present, and not being put in a position where other care givers apart from their mums and dads are have them the majority of the time.

Our society is not set up for this type of parenting and that is why so many children are growing up with trauma and mental health issues.

I try to encourage them to discuss their feelings; sometimes a serious discussion begins as a result of them confiding in me about the issues a friend of theirs has. It has to be a good thing that mental health issues are discussed in school.

My DC always wears his heart on his sleeve, and if he is happy or sad we know about it - I hope when he gets older he will be able to speak to me about his mental health, if anything is bothering him, he is unsure about his emotions or feelings, and also to look out for his friends emotional health too. We talk so much about physical health at school - with school meals being so high on the agenda/news/press, but do not tackle what our children's mental health is like, what pressures they are under, and how we can help them. It's no longer a topic we can sweep under the table and pretend is not happening.

My 13 year old son and 15 year old son have always been very free with expressing their feelings and experiences with mental health. I have always tried to encourage my children to talk to me, their dad or their teachers and even GP if necessary. Keeping mental health problems to yourself can be a struggle. I tell them that they’re fortunate to have parents and people that care about them, around them. I hope this will help someone who is struggling with mental health problems. I tell my boys, there’s nothing that you can tell me that will make me stop loving them, or anything that we can’t get through together. It’s important that they can talk to someone who will listen. 💋

My dd went through a stage of really bad anxiety last year. We started doing ‘worry time’ - she tried to put her worries in a box in her head, and before bed we’d have ten minutes just me and her where she could talk to me about her worries. It was really helpful.

We use worry dolls to talk about things that are worrying them.

As my children grow I really try to encourage them to find things that make them feel good about themselves, they have tried different activities and hobbies and are finding things they are good at or enjoy. Feeling they have talents, that they are special can make all the difference.
We have also talked a lot about feelings and named feelings. When they face problems we talk about what we can do about the situation, what we have control over to change. When I have felt angry or upset I try to explain a little of the why and talk about what I do to feel better. I think good mental health is about good self worth, have tools to deal with difficulties we face and knowing that they are not alone. I am on their side , they know that.

I constantly talk about having more than one feeling.

I try and be open about it and talk fretting about people we know who have mental health issues. My boys' schools are very pro-active about discussing emotional well being, mental health but social media is so dominant in their lives it leaves them very vulnerable.
My daughter aged,8 has started saying she's fat....I think that's from her peers. Very sad and worrying

I always try to make sure I set time aside in the evening for my DDs to discuss any issues that have bothered them. DD age 8 is fairly robust, emotionally, but she does struggle sometimes negotiating friendships with classmates. They all seem to want to grow up so fast but lack the emotional maturity which could be problematic particularly when they start using social media. I don't know if the school will prepare them for this but I certainly will. DD age 6 has some anger management issues and gets easily frustrated. I worry that might make her more susceptible to mental health issues later in life. So long as we keep talking things through hopefully both my girls will develop the resilience to help them through their teenage years and into adulthood.

I'm lucky in that I do this for my job.

I think self resilience is really important, giving young people the tools to brush off failure, or negative things said to them or when things don't go to plan.
I focus a lot on that with my three children.

My daughter struggles with social anxiety, we have done work on de-catasrophizing thoughts. It seems to work well with lots of practice