Do you talk to your children about emotional wellbeing? Share with the GDST for a chance to win a £300 John Lewis voucher

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There’s been a huge change over the years in how we speak out mental health, and it’s becoming more and more apparent that we need to be educating our children about their emotional wellbeing as well. The Girls’ Day School Trust (GDST), a family of 25 schools across the UK, would like to hear your views on how we can help children to be happy and feel good in the world.

What do you think affects your children's mental health and how do you talk to them about it? Do you think exam pressure or even entrance exams cause your children stress? Does social media affect your children? Do they talk to you about their emotions or do you approach the topic of mental health if you see them struggling? Do you think mental health and wellbeing should be discussed and taught in schools?

Please share how you talk to your children about their emotional wellbeing and you will be entered into a prize draw to win a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list).

Thanks

MNHQ

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I'm always listening to my children. I think it is important to ask them things but then to really listen and to try and really show empathy in relation to the situation. We then try and work out how and why they feel the way they do, showing them that it is o.k to say how they feel and then to try and see if we can work through it, even if that is just a big cuddle! I never had that when I was young, I was always told to get on with it, and now I find that I battle to this day with coping with emotions.

I let my DD know that its OK to feel negative emotions and don't try to jolly her out of it or brush those feelings off. We all feel sad or angry or anxious at times and its OK. Not everything has a practical solution and often what's needed is a cuddle and an acknowledgement that life's a bit rubbish sometimes.

We try our best to talk about feelings, including our own, and what we can do abput them

Teaching about emotions from the word go! There are lots of board/picture books that talk about happy/grumpy/silly baby etc. Encouraging kids trying to express emotions, helping them to put names to them. Teaching them it's ok to feel like this.

I can't always help, but I make sure i always listen. And I never belittle them, or act like their feelings/worries don't matter, when they're upset - even if it's over something that seems trivial to a grown up.

There is nothing special that I do.
I create an environment where ALL emotions are acceptable. Since a very young age I have given names to the emotions she feels eg I know you are feeling angry and upset at the moment. I don't not minimise 'negative' or strong emotions. If my daughter needs to cry then that is fun.

One resource we really like is a book called The Colour Monster. It talks about emotions as feelings and how sometimes we are all mixed up. Today my 3 year old told me she was feeling mixed up and nervous but later (after her dance class) she said she was now green (calm) and yellow (happy).

My daughter is only a toddler but I always respond to her, listen to her, never ever left her to cry as a baby etc and I can only hope this will help her mental well being so she has a good level throughout life as far as possible

Spending time with them and giving them the chance to talk about things if they want to talk.
Sometimes they want to explain or explore their emotions at bedtime when I have a million things to do for work the next day. I try to take a deep breath and listen. It's a busy world and I need to accept that they work through a lot of things before bed/whilst I'm cooking/ trying to relax in the bath!

My DH has PTSD and severe depression from three tours in war zones.
Both of our DS have an age appropriate knowledge of PTSD which they learned through our family working closely with school and a play therapist.
At home we talk about feelings, mood, emotions and it's become an unwritten rule that if one of us needs to talk, the other person listens. Whenever it's needed. Our home is our safe space and we look out for each others emotional wellbeing.

Every day I ask my kids to rate their day our of 10 with 10 being best day ever & 1 the worst.
Even my grumpy hormonal pre teen will usually give me a number. & then start a conversation about why it was like that.
When it comes to mental health or emotions it's definitely a 1 on 1 quiet time with mum. A cup.of chocolate & with coaxing they open up.
I find it best to keep it relaxed & reassure them they aren't alone.

A lot has already been said. For me I think the most important thing is to be a good role model for children, to talk about emotions in a non shameful and reflective way. This teaches the children to be emotionally aware and fluent. Also monitoring parents' own emotion prevents stresses of work and life as well as expectations get projected onto children.

We never push our child to talk, even if we can tell he is upset BUT we do always make it very clear that he can talk to us about absolutely anything when he is ready.

We are all fairly open about our feelings, and if something is making us sad or angry we explore why, and how we can make it better.

My baby is only 1 year old but as a primary school teacher, I make it clear to my pupils that all feelings are ok, its how you respond to them that can be right or wrong, good or bad.

Like several others posting here we talk about all emotions being okay. If you're angry, scared, stressed, happy, they're all valid emotions.

We talk about the impact of our emotions on others and how sometimes taking time out is the best way of not impacting others and respecting their emotional needs. DS1 has Autism and has become really adept at identifying when things are starting to feel overwhelming. He isolates himself and uses class passes at school to go to a safe place. Not 100% but it's amazing how identifying, owning and taking responsibility for your emotions can have a really positive impact on your life.

For me learning about adrenaline surges and how when your adrenaline reaches a certain point you're in fight or flight mode and basic animal instints kick in. Do you fight for your survival or run? Punch someone/ lock yourself in a cupboard/ run until you cant physically run anymore? It helped me Lear that when DS1 was lashing out he wasn't actually present as DS1 - he tends not to have much recollection of meltdowns. Likewise with DD she completely shuts down and goes into herself - she just needs to be kept quiet and safe with space around her and it will pass with time. She is learning self management too. A great teacher this year is working with her to allow her to sit at a table on her own when she needs space, to read a book when she cant cope with the noisy/ boisterous playground etc.

DD (7), my youngest of 3, has a social communication disorder and shuts down sometimes. She's enjoying coming up with new names for emotions. The most recent, that I love, is nervousited. It's when something is happening that you're excited about but your also nervous. Apprehensive doesn't cut the mustard because that's when you're just worried and nervous. Nervousited is a positive emotion it's when you have additional adrenaline running around in your system but in a positive way even if you're a bit scared too.

I think basic mental wellbeing should be taught in schools. Including the old mumsnet classic of comparison is the theif of joy. Look from the inside out. Respect yourself for your own strengths. Mental health often seams to be thought of as the extremes I.e. suicide risk, self harm, anorexia but for the majority a bit of education and support in self respect and emotional well being could help prevent escalation.

Stress is a perfectly normal and appropriate emotional reaction to a pending big life event. How we mitigate the effects we can all work on. For example have a good bedtime routine, rest, try to get fresh air and a bit of exercise each day, eat a balanced diet, hug our loved ones and not live in fear that any one event makes or breaks life - it can change its direction/ adjust the path you travel but after all life is a journey. Its not about reaching the destination it's about enjoying the journey with its many planned stops and unexpected twists and turns.

Talking is crucial. I used to get exam stress and bite my nails and was worried sick. I told my son just to try his best, that's all he can do and as long as he knows he has, that's fine. If he didn't pass an exam or got a low mark, it's not the end of the world, retakes are available. It's so sad there is so much pressure on children and young adults today, that many self-harm just to release that pressure.

i find the more time we spend in open spaces, the woods, parks, the calmer my children’s minds. We walk a lot. It is on these walks that they tend to open up about things playing on their minds. It is on these walks that I have no distractions and am able to listen and respond. I also try to fit in quality time with my kids - we switch off any distractions and cook or do a puzzle. It’s sad to say though that these are calm moments in an otherwise manically stressful, 10 thoughts going on at the same time life. For this reason the focus for holidays and weekends is getting to the seaside or just away from the crowds. Finally I appreciate the importance of a good nights sleep for good mental health - all that walking in the fresh air makes for good sleep and rest! X

I agree with a lot of what others have said. I really wish mental health and well-being had been discussed when I was young. I definitely think it’s a topic that children should be made aware of at an early age.

DS is about to turn 5, and he suffers similar anxiety traits that I did/do. I use CBT with him - we have a journal where we write down details of an event or situation he is worried about. He says what he is worried will happen and rates his belief. After the event we look at what actually happened and compare it to his beliefs prior to the event. This has helped him to believe in himself more and his ability to cope in uncomfortable situations.

We also used a book called “the anxiety gremlin”, and used this as a way of talking about his feelings and giving him the tools to cope when he isn’t with me or DH.

We also blow pretend dandelion clocks (which encourages him to take slow deep breaths and helps calm him if he is starting to get worried/panicky). He chooses a different colour each time we blow and we “watch” the colours go up into the sky.

Talking about feelings and being open is fabulous; getting children to recognise and understand what they are experiencing is great; teaching children coping strategies/techniques they can use themselves, and supporting them with this is the icing on the cake I think.

There is an app called “Calm” who are currently offering the use of the app free to schools. It has all sorts of bits and bobs, including mindfulness/meditation for children.

This is me talking from my “ideal world bubble”......I could go on. It’s sad that like so many other things, lack of funds may mean this topic isn’t given the full attention it deserves.

DS is 8 and quite fragile atm, I think the pressures of school (SATS, homework, etc) are too much.

I try to impress on him how important it is to talk about how we're feeling (although it doesn't come naturally to me!) and let others know if something is making us sad. We also talk a lot about others situations and how they must be feeling - I hope this helps him see that everyone struggles at times and that it's important to recognise this and be sympathetic and supportive.

We've always said to ds that he can always talk to us about anything, but if he feels like he can't speak to us then he should speak to someone else he trusts.

I think its so important to be aware of children mental health.the world has changed so much.there is so much more for them to deal with.they seem togrow up far too fast and take on much more.social media and the celeb world and the pressure from that can be out of control on some adult s never mind someone so young to have to deal with.
What do you think affects your children's mental health and how do you talk to them about it?i thnk you have to be a lot kinder and have empathy more.there has to be a time when you must tell them off for doing wrong but this being totally separate for keeping their emotional health in check and maybe seeing reasons behind why they do wrong.as now acting out Is often so much more to do with how tey are not coping rather than just being naughty.
we always try to be open and honest.to allow them to see our feeling.to allow them to help us sometimes with little feels so they can see they can solve problems and see we all get weak sometimrs.it can really build them up.
we let them know all the time there is never anything they cant say to us.big or small they will always be counted.
along the way it also about teaching them of others feeling.being aware.how to react to other and see what could be ehind people acting how they do.
Do you think exam pressure or even entrance exams cause your children stress? this has one beyond now.there is far to much pressure in school now to work all year for results.schoool should be about so much more.it is growing your child to be an adult not to be a score on a sheet.they are there all day most of the weeks.so they should be being taught life skills and how to be ok emotionally not just how to be educated in subject thatgive good grades all the time.
there is so much put on them too not to fail and if they aren't good at the academic sunject they are sometimes seemingly punished.when everyone is so different there needs to be better understanding of kids strength and weakness and its ok to have both.
Does social media affect your children?yes.its awful.i would never let them on it if I could!
Do they talk to you about their emotions or do you approach the topic of mental health if you see them struggling?always.as sson as we see the signs we catch it.there is no "oh we will see if they get better tomorrow." the things with emotions as if they are worked through the build and spiral.they are left to ruminate and build stories of worry and fear up in their heads.the pain and confusion this can give to a child is horrible.is such a tough time for them.they are to young to no what they are thinking at the best of times never mind all these new doubts and fears they can be left with at time due to pressures.if we need to talk it could be something silly.which once shared is so ridiculous we both see it and we sort it.done.or it can be something that effects them when it shouldn't and then too its out there and sorted.
Do you think mental health and wellbeing should be discussed and taught in schools?yes.there should be more life skills lessons.more self image and body image classes.a more open approach to having it tough.i see too many times them not being able to struggle and show weakness.
there should be more option for classes or groups.to talk.hang out in a safe space.seek guidance.even thing like mindfulness or mediation to those who struggle.also the teaching of being there for eachother more and more compassionate for their fellow man.
weve also lost more of the social or wellbeing things.like groups after school clubs etc.this helps boost many.it helps them get out and feel good.and even when there are these things still again its all about being the best and once again the kids suffer if they are quite good enough for championships!
there is so much more these days for children to deal with.mental illness its so high and we need to help them cope..

My daughter has always excelled academically but has struggled emotionally through school. She is 7 and she finds it hard to control her emotions (she is getting better and better over time). One thing we introduced was a feeling journal. If she's had a really good day or a day when she's struggled we'd ask if she wants to write in the journal, that way it makes her think about what happened and how she felt, thus, understanding herself and her emotions more.

We also discuss the same hings each day- how was your day? how did you feel? What was your favourite part?
If she's had a bad day we don't shout, we discuss and we don't tell her not to cry. A lot of the time she has felt a bit better after crying, and it's then easier to talk.

The key is keeping the conversation open at all times, let them know that even when they've not made the best decision/choice behaviour wise, you will be there to talk about it.

We have regular chats. I want to foster a sense of always being able to talk about things if they are bothering them. That matters to me. Worry boxes etc also help I think.

Openly and honestly. I've encouraged my children to never be embarrassed. My 5 year old is learning about mindfulness and it's really helping him to stop and reflect.

I’m trying to build resilience in my dds by trying to get them to see that feelings don’t have to control your actions, that feelings are ok and it is how you respond and deal with them. My dd has started to talk about having a protective cape at school to bounce nasty comments off which we are encouraging.

In general there is a lot more talk about styles of thinking and resilience at school than there was in my day and that’s a good thing for this generation.

We’re really open with them and encourage them to be open and honest with us about how they are feeling. I would hope they know they can tell us anything and we will listen. We don’t dismiss their worries and concerns and either help them to find a solution or listen sympathetically. We would also get them more help than we could offer if we thought they needed it.
We encourage them to have breaks from their devices at night and explain this is for their health to enable them to “switch off” and relax. I honestly think it is tougher being a teen now than when I was one. I feel for them and attempt to teach them the tools to manage their wellbeing as much as I can -e.g. mindfulness, time away from screens, decent nutrition, quality rest and a good support network.