Do you talk to your children about emotional wellbeing? Share with the GDST for a chance to win a £300 John Lewis voucher

[EmmaMumsnet]

NOW CLOSED

There’s been a huge change over the years in how we speak out mental health, and it’s becoming more and more apparent that we need to be educating our children about their emotional wellbeing as well. The Girls’ Day School Trust (GDST), a family of 25 schools across the UK, would like to hear your views on how we can help children to be happy and feel good in the world.

What do you think affects your children's mental health and how do you talk to them about it? Do you think exam pressure or even entrance exams cause your children stress? Does social media affect your children? Do they talk to you about their emotions or do you approach the topic of mental health if you see them struggling? Do you think mental health and wellbeing should be discussed and taught in schools?

Please share how you talk to your children about their emotional wellbeing and you will be entered into a prize draw to win a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list).

Thanks

MNHQ

Terms and conditions apply

My DD turns 2 at the end of November and I've started already to teach her that her emotions are important and expressing them is healthy.

Obviously it's in a very limited and age appropriate way, but for example, when we watch telly together, she might point at the screen and say 'sad' in regards to one of the characters. So I'll respond along the lines of 'yes, X is sad baby, but that's OK. It's OK to be sad. Look, now they're telling X why they're sad and they've made it better haven't they? ". She'll answer yes, but I know she doesn't really get it yet. But that's OK, as long as the foundations are being laid. I'm hoping as an older child/teen/adult, if I teach her now, or start to teach her about her emotions and to help her feel able to talk about them, she'll end up developing as an emotionally we'll rounded and expressive child.

That's the aim anyways.

I talk about feelings with my 2 year old regularly. It's important for boys to express themselves and I let him know that I'm always there for him and that it's ok to be sad.

My 18 year-old daughter suffers from anxiety and panic attacks around exam times. Her school have counsellors and my work place offer a mental health wellbeing service to employees and their family members which I have given her the contact details for. I try not to put any pressure on her academically and praise her efforts not the outcome. I’ve tried to introduce her to mindfulness which I think might help her. Emotional well being and resilience are incredibly important.

Explain I’m always here to listen. Things are never ever that bad sometimes life can be difficult but every day is a new day love life stay away from negative people and things make your own decisions follow your dreams

Lots of listening as well as talking, and modelling good attitudes/behaviours around mental health as much as possible.

For me, it is all about keeping the channels of communication open with my DC and that means really listening to them and acknowledging what they are saying and feeling.

I want them to know that I have their backs 100% and that I will try my best not to judge them for their mistakes and that I will always try to help them to find the best path forwards themselves.

From a really early age, I have encouraged them to take responsibility (in an age appropriate way) for things and also understand the consequences if they don't (again in an age appropriate way and non-harmful way).

If you know that you are loved and supported and you have the skills to be responsible for yourself (resilient), that takes you a long way in dealing with all the stress that life will throw at you - whether that be taking exams, learning to drive, not making the sports team, dealing with bitchy friends or bullies.

There is plenty of research out there that shows that people who feel loved and supported are much better at coping with stress than those who aren't. If kids know that they can talk to their parents about anything and not either get shutdown or criticised, then they will do and if they are struggling together you can get help.

Always being supportive with your childs interests even if they are not your own.

My children are younger but I teach them that it's okay not to be happy. Everyone can feel sad sometimes no matter how old they are or no matter how strong they are. Sometimes people are sad, or scared or confused and they don't know why - but it's having people who love and support them that gets them through the worst.

I suffer from anxiety and depression and although my children don't know in detail I tell my eldest who is 5 that Mummy just feels a bit sad today and I don't know why - but you and your sister are helping me feel happier just being here.

It's often a glossed over topic for young children but it's vital to let them know that it's okay not to be okay. By knowing Mental Health problems are there, if they do suffer from them they know they are not alone and they have someone to go to.

It’s realy hard. Mindfulness is taught at school and we try and reinforce it at home - we teach breathing deeply and tapping to try and avoid stress - and when it gets too much we have cuddles and I hold them close.
Open to other ideas always though!

What do you think affects your children's mental health and how do you talk to them about it?

Peer pressure, exams and social media. I try to eat with them every night so that the conversation flows nicely

Do you think exam pressure or even entrance exams cause your children stress?

Yes, if they are extremely competitive

Does social media affect your children?
Yes. I try to explain to them that their is life away from the computer/phone

Do they talk to you about their emotions or do you approach the topic of mental health if you see them struggling?
Yes. I try to make it as important as physical health. We talk regularly

Do you think mental health and wellbeing should be taught?
Of course, we need to teach children to reach out for help before they are consumed by anxiety

Playing with them has everything.......
It makes you feel young.
It can help to keep you and your child fit.
Playing with them will facilitate smiles, laughter, joking, being a twit and apart from helping you to bond, will make your frown far more effective.
When you play with them you'll de stress them.
You can hide discipline in play.
Nature has deemed that men would mature more slowly than women,
this immaturity is great for playing and interacting with kids.
Their imagination and your imagination, there are no limits.
Playing with them helps vocabulary.
The problem is hardly any fathers know about the benefits of play.

I have one quite anxious child and one who is much more confident. Both are extremely able academically but the anxious one has no confidence in his ability at all. I’ve just tried to build up and foster an an environment in which my children feel that they can talk to me and tell me anything. I also make it clear that if they’re worried about anything they don’t feel they can discuss with me then I make sure they know who they can go to, without any judgment from me.
Their happiness is vitally important and I encourage both to participate in activities where they can enjoy themselves and express themselves (eg playing musical instrument, singing in choir, playing football). Fresh air is also important- as is giving them their own space when they need it.

Thankfully our dd's school have done lots of PSE time on social media, and DD is not interested in instagram etc. We've brought her up to be her own person, even if she doesn't like the same things as the others at school and emphasised just doing your best at school. None of this 'you got a B, what happened?' Crap.

Following with interest as my two are still little, so it's good to have ideas for as they grow up. At the moment we just try to encourage communication and are open about our feelings, and try and help dd and ds to identify their feelings, and let them know it's okay to feel however they do etc.

I think the key thing is being realistic, no one can be happy all the time. Being sad sometimes is normal, being anxious can be normal. I bought DC a copy of 'feel the fear and do it anyway' as well as 'a woman in your own right' about assertiveness. Skills to cope are important and letting them come up with their own solutions when dealing with situations.

Mine are too little to have hit exams or social media pressures yet (not looking forward to those....) but I try and make sure we talk about how everyone is feeling, so they feel safe to tell us if there are any issues. My family were rubbish at this, so I'm trying to model something better. Whether I'm succeeding is another question.

I try to talk to my daughter about her feelings but now she’s 14 and doesn’t always want to talk. I would like to think that she would tell me if she was upset about something.

My children are still young but it does worry me, we found the SATs stressful enough! I tell them that grades and exams don’t define them, that it’s ok and normal to feel sad sometimes and I encourage them to talk to me. I try to take them regularly to have a coffee with me, and we speak about life, school, friendships... I do think the schools could do more. It’s great that there are counsellors in schools but I have seen children become too reliant on them and I don’t think that’s healthy.

It's wonderful to see a thread like this & so interesting to read how other people & families manage their mental health & wellbeing & support their loved ones to do the same.
I work in mental health & feel conversation.. LOTS of conversation is the way forward.
Everyone struggles at some point & I'm realising this more & more as I get over - I have met so many people who have experienced mental health problems, felt ashamed of this & then felt worse through trying to hide them & pretend everything is fine. It's not fine & that's ok!!
Fortunately here are so many resources out there now - through the NHS (although I know this is heavily in demand), peer support & voluntary groups, online support forums & things like Meet Up.
I'm so pleased to see modules like Healthy Body, Healthy Mind being introduced in KS1 - there are also some fantastic kids books covering topics like mindfulness & managng anxiety. My son is highly anxious & I found resources like this so helpful.
I want to help him to manage his anxiety in a positive way so this doesn't control him as a teenage. Having had anxiety myself & not known what this was or how to deal with it - I want him to be equipped with tools he needs to manage this & know we will always be here to support him & to listen.

My son is only 2 but I’m starting early by always taking about feelings, whether it’s of characters in a book or mine and his.

What do you think affects your children's mental health and how do you talk to them about it? Do you think exam pressure or even entrance exams cause your children stress? Does social media affect your children? Do they talk to you about their emotions or do you approach the topic of mental health if you see them struggling? Do you think mental health and wellbeing should be discussed and taught in schools?

Pressure on children is ever increasing- expectations around exams, social media, appearances etc. I think discussing your own feelings and being an open and honest household encourages children to do the same. Also important to point out how comments & attitudes effects other people. Teaching good coping skills- being outside, exercise, quiet time and talking about how we feel is also needed from a young age to increase resilience. Showing unconditional love and encouraging them to try their best rather than focusing on getting top marks is also important to me.

My kids are young but I think naming their feelings and letting them know whatever they are feeling is okay.
When I had counselling for my anxiety, I was told that I likely didn’t have this and it all had manifested itself into anxiety and a physical sick feeling.

My kids school teaches a lot about mental health. I am confident the kids come to me if they are worried about something. Recently there was a horrible video of a schoolgirl being beaten up that was being shared on snap chat. My daughter came to me with it so I could find out the facts about what happened. They are under a lot of pressure and we talk about grief and sadness and how some people have very muddled and confused brains.
We have cats that eat bad dreams too. They ar very protective!

My DC's school are committed to teaching the children about mental health and wellbeing. They have a team from CUES-Ed that come in to teach the whole class how to keep their brains amazing. It's an 8 week program focusing on emotional literacy, equipping children and young people with coping strategies to build emotional resilience and providing targeted psychological intervention.

The kids love it, parents are given info about what each session covers so that we can encourage the kids to practice the skills taught. Also opens up a dialogue to talk about mental health.

CUES-Ed.co.uk

It’s really hard not to add to the pressures children experience. As parents we want them to do well and often push them to learn at school and out of school as well as multiple activities.

I think it’s important for children to also have time to be bored as this is the time they can learn to be themselves, be happy alone and use their imagination.