Do you talk to your children about emotional wellbeing? Share with the GDST for a chance to win a £300 John Lewis voucher

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There’s been a huge change over the years in how we speak out mental health, and it’s becoming more and more apparent that we need to be educating our children about their emotional wellbeing as well. The Girls’ Day School Trust (GDST), a family of 25 schools across the UK, would like to hear your views on how we can help children to be happy and feel good in the world.

What do you think affects your children's mental health and how do you talk to them about it? Do you think exam pressure or even entrance exams cause your children stress? Does social media affect your children? Do they talk to you about their emotions or do you approach the topic of mental health if you see them struggling? Do you think mental health and wellbeing should be discussed and taught in schools?

Please share how you talk to your children about their emotional wellbeing and you will be entered into a prize draw to win a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list).

Thanks

MNHQ

Terms and conditions apply

It is very important for parents to encourage their children to open up regarding their feelings from an early age and establishing a trust. In this world of social media when negative influences may impact on the children’s feelings , honesty and open discussion should be maintained.

I have two boys, 14 and 8 and I’m very open with them. Their Dad had an accident 7 years ago and suffered a brain injury, so his emotions are heightened. The pressure of being a Carer for him and Mum to the boys as well meant I suffered from anxiety and I think the boys are affected by that too. They know they can tell me anything.

I talk to both Piper and Daisy about mental wellbeing but don't specifically call it that.
If they are being particularly grumpy I will sit down and talk to them about why they feel 'off' today. At times, Daisy has told me that one of her friends was mean to her the day before and we will talk about why Daisy thinks her friend was having a bad day.
Piper has a friend whose parents have recently separated. We often talk about how her friend seemed that day and Piper understands that sometimes her friend will want to talk about it and other times she won't.
I've explained to both girls that we don't always know what is happening in other people's lives and therefore we shouldn't jump immediately to conclusions. For example, just because someone seems 'mean' one day, it doesn't mean they are a bad person but could be because they are worried about something.
The girls know that that they can talk to me if they are worried or upset about anything and I've also told them that they should talk to their teachers if they see friends behaving out of character.

Not yet, they are only 4 and 5 so a little young yet, but it does concern me.

No

We are a very open family and talk about our feelings regularly. I am an emotional person and let my kids know thats theres nothing wrong with showing your emotions. Its actually very healthy. We have a worry box in the house too so that it can be kept more private.

School is the biggest source of stress in our house. Homework, tests, etc. Even attendance is a cause for anxiety. We have lots of discussions about it, and my son is usually quite open, but I do worry he doesn't always tell me the whole story!

I really try to, but its not the easist thing in the world they are not keen, so I suppose I have found sneaky ways to add it into the conversation, without them really knowing whats going on lol, but yes, it is important to check up on them, in my generation we were literally just left to it, my mother never sat me down to ask how i was feeling....

I have suffered from depression in the past. So I was very open with my daughter. We talked a lot about feelings and things that you can do to make yourself feel better and how important it is to talk about our feelings. My daughter gets herself very stressed so I make sure she takes time out to do fun things or even just relax. I make sure I praise her for her hard work not just results and that she knows I'm more proud of all her hard work that whatever grade she gets xx

I always discuss feelings and emotions with my DD. I regularly ask how she feels in various situations or how others might feel. I remind her that if she feels upset to speak to someone even if she doesn't want to tell me (although she is welcome to). Next year she will be doing Y6 SATS and have reminded her that despite the pressures she might receive from school that it is her teachers they are really testing and that as long as she tries her best I am proud of her.

Not yet.

We just try to be open about all things and always answer questions as they come up. I think it helps that mental health issues are talked about more in general these days.

I encourage DD to talk about her feelings and problems all of the time. She is quite sad, sometimes because she rarely sees her father because he is too busy.

As you can imagine, this affects her self worth and self esteem, why isn't she good enough for him? So she talks, I listen without passing comment on him.

DD understands about mental health problems as sadly I had a breakdown when her father walked out. She understands that people do suffer for various reasons.

She has had counselling herself and help from the school. Help is out there if you ask for it.

We talk a lot about feelings, during good times and bad, and the more we have talked about it the more they think about and talk about themselves without prompting. With the youngest it's helped with tantrums as he will now think about what's making him go into a tantrum and will tell us he is upset/angry/frustrated and why.

It's just worked in to how they talk to us now, when talking about their day they may say "I was really excited because my teacher picked me to go and do a job for her" or "I was sad today because ted picked leo as his partner instead of me, but then Chris picked me and that made me happy"

I always encourage my kids to talk about how they feel. Whether it's happy or sad. it's important to share how they feel. I always repeat that no problem is unsolvable. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Asking without pushing/prying and making DD aware that I will not judge, will always listen and only act if she wants me to (on the proviso that some situations need grown-up action if they are serious enough). Also reassuring her that I will not be angry with her whatever she wants to tell me.

Showing an interest in her day and trying to recognise when she is down or on occasion trying to hide something.

Not belittling or trying to explain away her feelings - for example, she misses her dad (my XH) sometimes and I tell her that I understand, it is only natural to do so and that even if she still sees him (she has regular visitation), it's still OK to miss him when he's not there.

We both practice mindfulness together and on our own.

Emphasizing her achievements and talents whilst supporting her (and/or putting them into perspective - e.g. we can't all be an amazing artist, and that's fine but look at what you CAN do) with the things she feels she's not so good at.

We definitely like to talk through how we are all feeling at anytime. So it's important to listen to how Dd is feeling about something even if it is something she doesn't need to worry about. It's good to work through it and find the reasons. She's still only little but is a very empathetic person so we have to make sure whilst mitigated it is not minimised. She does get told she doesn't need to worry sometimes but also explained why and that if she wants to worry that is fine, however her mum and dad aren't worrying, about 'it' whatever 'it' is.
It's great to have emotions open and clear as there is less bad communication to.

we've had lots of issues ove rteh years - bullying/social media stuff/ name calling/family ill health. DS gentle sould and lots of anxiety and mental health issues in wider family as well...however i would say honestly emotional conversations are hard... as parents we had poor emotional backgrounds as children due our parents MH issues...so I generally look up books for help - luckily i have a couple of friends taht are much more aware so will discuss with them how to approach things..
am trying hard to enable DS to talk but its hard as not automatic language (both quite practical/logic types in 1st response)
His senior school thankfully is very much about good mental health and talk about it openly, do meditation and discuss feelings and things a lot (its an all boys) the Head is very open about it and teachers approachable-but still issues as teenagers..hard but trying to mitigate his MH inheritance

A little. DD is very sweet and considerate - too much sometimes - and because of this I try to get her to apply her own sense of fairness to herself, putting her own feelings and wishes first rather than prioritising others all the time. Someone's got to!

We try to be open and talk about how we feel to encourage DD to talk about how she feels.

Not yet as they are so young, but I will do

I think it needs to be done with high sensitivity to the individual child's needs, e.g a child could present to a teacher as quiet, or diligent or even self-centred, when really they are just coping with a lot going on in their home life. Other kids might be fine but be prone to dramatics or being hypersuggestive.

What I am trying to say is that children are individuals and a broad brush approach to these conversations could be detrimental to their health and wellbeing

My dd is 6 and prone to outbursts of emotion. As a teacher as well I have been taught to always remain calm in these situations, wait until an outburst has subsided and then talk it through afterwards. Most of the time it works!

I was taught to hide emotions - they were 'childish' - and found that detrimental to my own emotional/mental health so I encourage my children to express theirs but to understand that while they don't need to control their emotions, they do need to control their actions. Recognising emotions is an important first step - often even as adults we mis-label emotions based on what we think they should be or what we want them to be rather than what they are. Understanding that emotions aren't always reliable - you may feel e.g. betrayed but that doesn't necessarily mean you have been. Keeping open communication about emotions and fact checking with others. Being aware that your brain sometimes triggers the 'catastrophe' alarm when it isn't really a catastrophe. But with younger kids, it begins with the message that emotions are okay. They come up, some feel good and some feel bad but they dissipate and change and it's what you do with them that counts.