Do you talk to your children about emotional wellbeing? Share with the GDST for a chance to win a £300 John Lewis voucher

[EmmaMumsnet]

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There’s been a huge change over the years in how we speak out mental health, and it’s becoming more and more apparent that we need to be educating our children about their emotional wellbeing as well. The Girls’ Day School Trust (GDST), a family of 25 schools across the UK, would like to hear your views on how we can help children to be happy and feel good in the world.

What do you think affects your children's mental health and how do you talk to them about it? Do you think exam pressure or even entrance exams cause your children stress? Does social media affect your children? Do they talk to you about their emotions or do you approach the topic of mental health if you see them struggling? Do you think mental health and wellbeing should be discussed and taught in schools?

Please share how you talk to your children about their emotional wellbeing and you will be entered into a prize draw to win a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list).

Thanks

MNHQ

Terms and conditions apply

My DS is 11 and my DD is 7, I encourage them to talk to us about our feelings although I think I am a better listener than the hubby! Who is a typical man, born of the 70's who never talks about his emotions... he's learning though bless him.

I encourage my sons to talk to me, if they can't discuss something with me then go to the dad, my eldest also talks to his grandad, I try to make sure they realise its ok to talk and important to have some sort of release and to not bottle things up, my eldest tends to face his problems and talk about it and often realises it is not as bad as he originally thought.

My DC’s are only young but we encourage them to express their feelings and offer them validation too, for instance ‘I know you’re feeling scared and I understand why you feel that way ...’
I also make sure that they know I love them without limits and that I will stand by them.

This is such a difficult topic. I celebrate my chosen being themselves. Encourage their lounges and dislikes and love them food being them. Acceptance and kindness are important to us.

My 6 year old is quite good at talking a out he feels. I think they've discussed it at school in terms of what it's like to feel different emotions and what actions / behaviours may influence how someone feels. I often ask him how he is feeling especially if I sense something is wrong. Communication is essential and I want him to feel he can open up to me.
My DD is a bit young at the moment but I do tell her it's ok to feel a certain way and sometimes it's hard to know why you're feeling like that.
I just want both DC to be able to talk to me about anything & everything.

By being open and conversant at all times. Conversations about emotional issues, any stresses and strains and, basically, anything at all are all part of normal day to day chats so it's a very natural process. There is so much to worry about these days and also so much that really doesn't matter but which may be considered an issue unless it's clarified as such. Happiness and health is paramount and some things just don't matter. I certainly think a wellness/wellbeing class would not go amiss in schooling.

Having "anxiety" seems to be a trend at my dds school, I worry about how to tell the difference between normal teen woes and actual issues.

We just encourage him to talk about anything that's bothering him and not to keep secrets. (His biggest worry now is the environment and the damage plastic is doing)

I think schools should be encouraged to talk about mental health to stop illnesses such as depression being seen as something to feel ashamed of.

I think communication is key. I've tried to be open with my DC from an early age and I hope they are happy to discuss any issues with me. I also try to get alone time with each of them so they have a chance to speak about anything.
It's hard though as if they really don't want to discuss/admit their stress, it can be can be too easy to dismiss their attitude as general teenage angst. I guess you just need to be open and observant.

Unfortunately my ex husband makes horrible comments to my children about mental illness so I get a lot of opportunities to talk to my children about compassion and understanding. I think they will grow up with a good understanding of mental issues and how to take care of themselves, seek help, and offer support.

I always encourage dd 13 to talk about her feelings and emotions. We also talk about how other people might feel about situations (like on tv it whatever)

My aim has always been for my kids to be as attached to me as possible. By this I mean that we know each other well, and that they know I will always be there for them. I EBF both for years, carried them as much as I could, kept them close. We talk about everything (within reason!) and I flexi-school them so we have one day a week where we sit together and learn together and have the chance to talk about anything that worries them. To me the key is to keep them close. Whether it works or not remains to be seen as they are still young. They are both confident children though, who are quite fearless, so I am happy for now.

I try to talk honestly about my own emotions (I have bouts of anxiety and depression) and about how I cope and calm myself down.

I listen, listen, listen as much as I can when she is upset. A lot of times she needs to be cuddled and what comes out as stroppiness and tears is really just needing reassurance.

"A book of feelings" by Amanda McCardie is a great one to read and discuss with kids, and I read and re-read "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" to help keep my parenting on track. needless to say much of the time I am failing to live up to that standard!!

I talk with my girls openly and try and be emotionally available for them. I talk about when I’m feeling grumpy and down and why and apologise for being grumpy and make sure they know it’s not their fault. My yr 6 daughter has been doing about mental well-being in school and has mentioned depression so we have talked about that. One of her favourite programmes is casualty (!) so we watch it together and talk about difficult issues it raises - we have definitely had conversations about mental health based on story lines there and we have also talked about eating disorders. I’m hoping If we can’t talk lots about stuff before she starts secondary school she’ll feel more able to deal with the pressures it can bring and more equipped if she sees her friends go through these things or experience them herself.

I am far more conscious about my children's mental health, and watch for signs of being withdrawn, and worrying, so tell them to ALWAYS come to be about ANY worries no matter how small, they also need a confidant at school as part of their pastoral care, which should be taught in school.

I used to have bad anxiety. So bad I would tremble and have frequent panic attacks. Pain in my chest and lungs so bad I thought I would die. Growing up with anxiety and depression, I constantly felt that there was no support, nobody to turn to. My parents did not 'understand' mental health. It was so taboo and pitiful that I could not express my feelings and I was drowning, constantly swimming against the tide. I got myself to where I am today on my own. Through a lot of trial and error. From self destructive behaviour to meditation. Now I have two wonderful Daughters. They are 7 and 3. I talk about emotions and feelings quite often with my 7 year old. I explain to her that some amount of anxiety is good, it keeps our wits about us in risky and dangerous situations. It gives us time to think before making snap decisions that could lead to bad consequences. But I also explain that if ever she feels overwhelmed with anxiety then she has to BREATHE. It seems like such a cliche to advise someone to breathe in times of distress or panic or worry but it really is the answer. It is the key. Our breathing can slow everything right down. The physical and mental feelings that are suffocating us. Just take that moment to breathe and things won't seem so bad. Get back on your horse. You may get thrown off a million more times but just breathe and get back on. Also to talk. Not just to anyone, to people she trusts. People who can give her the best advice. My kids are happy. I don't pressurise them into anything. I would hate to think they couldn't talk to me.

What do you think affects your children's mental health and how do you talk to them about it?
I think being like other kids they know in school and social class really effects my kids, at the moment I’ve noticed my daughter wants pets and other things that her friends have. I just explain that not everyone has the same and we are all different but we are all people.

Do you think exam pressure or even entrance exams cause your children stress?
My kids are a bit young for exam stress but keeping up with the rest of the class is causing her stress, she’s a Reception child and she loves school but notices when other children get certificates. So the pressure to keep up is visible she gets very stressed if she hasn’t manyto do the same as one of her friends even if the rest of her class are in the same boat as her.

Does social media affect your children?
I don’t think I’ll let my kids on social media, I found it damaging when I signed up, seeing what my peers had done with their lives and also getting abuse from strangers. I think there needs to be something to protect children online, I don’t think the laws are quite there yet.

Do they talk to you about their emotions or do you approach the topic of mental health if you see them struggling?
Yes,when I’m talking to my kids I don’t call it mental health I call it emotional well-being because ‘mental’ seems to have a lot of stigma attached. Mental health is very important.

Do you think mental health and wellbeing should be discussed and taught in schools?
Yes, 100% taught about different types of mental illness and personality disorders, I also think that people should be taught about unhealthy relationships and how to spot them. (Whether that’s a toxic friendship or significant other) Bad relationships impact on mental wellbeing.

I'd start by not sending them to a GDST school (said by an ex GDST pupil)

We have always talked openly about how we are feeling. I think it’s really important to acknowledge children’s feelings and not to do the brush off response of “don’t be silly” or “you’ll be fine” that I heard so often as a child.
Talking is key & knowing that they are loved unconditionally hopefully will help them through tough times.

I think it is also helpful to let them know that, just like cancer and other sad things, sometimes MH issues happen and it's not necessarily about not having done the right thing or not having the right attitude. You can teach somebody to lead a healthy lifestyle which will increase their chances of staying healthy, but you can't teach them not to get cancer or pneumonia.

If you don't make this clear, depression and anxiety can lead to horrible feelings of guilt and reluctance to seek help.

I also think it is unhelpful to contrast resilience and MH issues as if they were each other's opposites and one excluded the other. My dd is the bravest and most resilient person I have ever come across, but she also suffers badly with (inherited) MH issues. She knows these are probably incurable and that she will carry on fighting all her life, but she still gets back on her feet after every new episode and forges her way in a very competitive career choice. If that isn't resilience I don't know what is.

I tell my DC that they can work to be happy now or let their unhappiness take away the happiness they do have.

DC is under THRIVE at school which covers MH, but they can’t get counselling through the NHS so I am having to pay for it privately.

I encourage DC to talk about everything that worries them and not to keep things bottled up.

I have no idea how best to ensure my currently very young children grow up avoiding the mh issues that so many suffer with. Things like anxiety or low self esteem that lead to other things like low mood or self harm, are particularly difficult to manage. They're almost unavoidable considering the life that most young people have...social media, culture that values looks and status etc. Building resilience and a safe, grounded home life would help. But part of a secure upbringing is allowing your children to interact with their peers and be exposed to life in their time. The very thing that will likely cause the problems.
We don't use social media in the way many adults do and we don't watch mainstream tv programs that in my opinion are background noise that increase the influence of an unhealthy way of living. Our best protection is modelling a healthy attitude and approach to daily life.
Serious mh issues such as depression and psychotic disorders are not really preventable though a secure upbringing can help lessen the fallout.

My dh has struggled with stress/anxiety and is on antidepressants. We’ve been very open with dc about this, there is nothing to be embarrassed about - sometimes people need help. Aside from that I just try to have a listening ear to how dc are feeling. It is difficult though - there’s a lot of pressure on young people.

I've always used ideas from the 'how to talk so children will listen' series. Active listening basically.
I encourage self-care measures such as physical exercise, good diet, pursuing hobbies, making an effort to keep friends who are good to you etc. And contributing to society - picking up litter if it's safe to do so, researching and donating to charity.

Feelings just are. None of them are bad. We just need to notice them and think about how we can remove ourselves from situations that distress us if possible.

They have a 'happy box ' each - a gift box filled with things like fidget cubes and nice smells and art materials or models to make. That is for when they need to be alone but need to be cheered up at the same time.

Putting on music and dancing works too.

My children are still quite young, but we try to always reassure them that they can talk about anything with us. We raise topics about our feelings and how it is ok to feel anger or sadness etc. We feel it's about a safe home environment with active listening.