Share with Dettol your tips for how to find the right balance between being there for your child and being over protective - £300 voucher to be won!NOW CLOSED

[EllieMumsnet]

Finding the balance between protecting your child and letting them have independence is something many parents find difficult. To kick off the launch of their ‘Protect Like a Mother’ campaign Dettol would like you to share with them you and your partners’ tips and experiences on how you find that oh so tricky balance.

Here’s what Dettol has to say: “We know that a mother’s protection of her child is unconditional and just like an animal in the wild, she will do whatever it takes to create a safe environment for her family. We provide mums with that same unconditional protection for the whole family throughout the home.”

Watch their new ‘Protect Like a Mother’ campaign video here

Do you ever wonder if YABU about leaving your child home alone? Do you and your partner have to stop yourselves from constantly checking in on your newborn when they’re sleeping? Did you give your child a mobile phone as a way of giving them some freedom but still being able to check up on them? At what age did you let your child go out by themselves? When do you let them solve their own problems?

Whatever your experiences/tips Dettol wants to know. Share them in the thread below and be in with the chance of winning a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck!

MNHQ

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My daughter became streetwise early as she walked to school by herself in the City of London at the age of 10 . I practised Attachment Parenting in the hope that a child who felt loved and grounded would develop into a confident and mature individual. I tried to give them practical support to help them feel confident.I always demonstrated my belief in their ability to do whatever they wished to do and practised what I preached by getting out of my own comfort zone from time to time. I let my daughter have autonomy over her own life. It is my belief that this has in part contributed to her blossoming into a confident and motivated young woman. She is now 17, Head Girl at her school and has applied to Oxford University. She is not afraid of much and is secure in herself.
I have had to parent my ASD son in a very different manner so it is abundantly clear to me that you match your parenting to the child, rather than have a prescribed, one size fits all. My son does not have the freedoms my daughter did as his conditions mean I have to pretty much risk assess every thing he does. I use Protective Behaviours with my son and he seems to respond well. However, only time will tell and I am much more concerned about his future, for obvious reasons.
So, in a nutshell, I make sure they know they are loved and capable human beings and that I will always be their cheerleader whatever happens.

I was able to take the leap of letting them walk to school on their own when I had bronchitis during freezing cold weather. It was a huge leap of faith born out of necessity. It was an anxious time, but it was a good opportunity to make the change.

Ah, it's my job to keep them safe so I do. As they prove they can make good, smart decisions then they are allowed to do more.

Also think it's about teaching them to do things safely. e.g. They were quick to want to climb stairs so I taught very early how to go down safely, neither of mine ever had a tumble down the stairs.

So difficult to get the right balance. I want them to have a certain level of freedom so that they can make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes but within a safe environment. When they were babies and were moving from cot to bed I didn't use bed guards so that they wouldn't get used to them, but made sure there was a soft landing were they to fall out. Used all the usual early years safety equipment-fire guards, plug protectors and stair gates. Jumping on a few years let them walk to school in year 6 but always with at least one friend (we live in a largish village) and the walk is about half a mile. Keeping them safe online is a totally different ball game and one that petrifies me with 2 teenage girls that balance is being worked on!

Yesterday I allowed my eldest, 8yo, to walk back from our friends house on her own. I was driving back with the youngest so was able to keep an eye on her.

Summertime is usually when they are allowed more freedom. We go camping with a big group of friends. The kids all hang out together and it allows them the independence that DH (but not me) certainly had growing up. It does them good and we always notice how much they've grown up when we come home.

I'm much more relaxed now that we have a second child, I'm too tired / busy to sweat the small stuff.

I always ask myself if I enjoyed doing it as a child. If I did, then I let them do it, I survived!

DD is 6. I stand back and let her work out problems herself. I have started to let her take charge of us crossing roads (the quiet ones). I encourage her to be independent - things like paying in shops and so on. I only step in when she struggles.

Mine has no fear physically or socially. He was itching to walk to school on his own in Primary 1. I try to base it on the freedoms that his friends of the same age with older siblings get.

He is my PFB but would be driving a bus and living independently if he could, so I need to have a realistic baseline!

I think finding the right balance is hard to learn, especially with your first child, but by the time you have your third you learn to relax a little! You just don't have the time to be over-protective because there's not enough of you to spread around! Plus I think as you get older you mature yourself so you see things differently - as a 21 year old mother I was scared of doing everything wrong, as a 41 mother of 3 I have confidence in my ability to get it right most of the time.

I am fairly relaxed and let them just get on with things. I like to give them a little independence but keep a watchful eye from a distance

It's difficult but I think you learn the right moment to intervene when you need to and try and stop yourself from becoming too involved when there is really no need.

Nothing harder than trying to find a balance with protecting your children but not being the over protective mother. I have a 7 and 10 year old so I have started to take a step back I try to be there if he needs me or if he wants something but I don't take over he is independent and has to learn from his own mistakes or he will never learn.

I learned to relax, step back and pick my battles. The result is two beautiful, independent grown up kids.
Think I did ok

I tend to forget to check in with them, so my efforts are not to forget to check up on them when they're out and about, I tend to lose track. We do live in a very safe area.

This isn't smithing I've struggled with. But what I've learned is to rank the things that are dangerous (crossing the road, running around with a lollipop) and the things that just make me jumpy (climbing to the top of the climbing frame, scooting to school) so that the kids know what's an absolute no and the things or ways that they can push the boundaries.

So far so good

It is so so hard to let go, i do struggle but in doing so i know I'm giving my child valuable lessons to help them in life. Letting your kids have independence teaches them competence and shows them that they are capable of making things happen without them help of mum or dad.

I encourage my daughter to take part on outside school activities to have a wider view of the community.

My son is very anxious so it is hard finding a balance. He has started karate and i do let him stay on his own for the hour session as well as letting him stay at kids parties on his own now. He is 7

I think with my first (I was very young having her) I was so overprotective of her and wrapped her up in cotton wool. I also think the pressure of being a young mum and not having a clue about what I was doing contributed to this. Before she was born I washed all her clothes and if one fell on the floor when taking them out the machine I'd do the whole wash again ! You learn pretty fast though, especially the second / third time round. You've got to let them go a bit, they learn through their mistakes. I just have to keep reminding myself what's the worst that could happen, then realise it isn't that bad. It's become easier the older I've gotten.

I am always here for them, but sometimes take a back seat so they can learn with their mistakes (but I am never too far to help them)

My son is almost three so I still get the opportunity to be overprotective! Whenever I feel like I'm hovering too much, I hold myself back by assessing what the worst thing he could do would be if I let him do it by himself, if it's not that bad I let him do it even when my heartis in my throat the whole time. I convince myself that if I don't do this he won't ever grow up to be independent but I do find it very hard!

With my eldest I've found it's important to let him make mistakes. He'll never learn if I keep jumping in and helping him. It seems to be working so far.

You can still protect them while letting them experiment with things to a certain extent. They have to learn to consider dangers for themselves too so being overprotective isn't always helpful. As long as you have a watchful eye on things!

DS is 4 and quite reticent so it's not often I have to stop him doing something dangerous or wilful. I do find it hard to get the balance right sometimes though; we can be at a playground and he'll go bombing down a huge slide or climbing a rope and afterwards I'll think I really shouldn't have let him do that; the next week I'll be holding him on another ride while a child much younger than him is happily negotiating it by themselves.