Share with Dettol your tips for how to find the right balance between being there for your child and being over protective - £300 voucher to be won!NOW CLOSED

[EllieMumsnet]

Finding the balance between protecting your child and letting them have independence is something many parents find difficult. To kick off the launch of their ‘Protect Like a Mother’ campaign Dettol would like you to share with them you and your partners’ tips and experiences on how you find that oh so tricky balance.

Here’s what Dettol has to say: “We know that a mother’s protection of her child is unconditional and just like an animal in the wild, she will do whatever it takes to create a safe environment for her family. We provide mums with that same unconditional protection for the whole family throughout the home.”

Watch their new ‘Protect Like a Mother’ campaign video here

Do you ever wonder if YABU about leaving your child home alone? Do you and your partner have to stop yourselves from constantly checking in on your newborn when they’re sleeping? Did you give your child a mobile phone as a way of giving them some freedom but still being able to check up on them? At what age did you let your child go out by themselves? When do you let them solve their own problems?

Whatever your experiences/tips Dettol wants to know. Share them in the thread below and be in with the chance of winning a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck!

MNHQ

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I sometimes feel it's hard for me to get the balance right. Even though my children are now older teenagers, I still ask them to phone/text me to let me know they are safe and worry if they're not home when they say they will be. I want them to have freedom and new experiences but also want them to be safe.

it's always helpful to ask other people's opinions, even if you don't think you are being over protective

I read a lot before DS was born, and make myself stand back and let him try things for himself. He is naturally very cautious so we've not had anything more serious than the occasional bumps and bruises, but definitely less than I expected.

DH, on the other hand, is very overprotective and would prefer to stop him having any bumps and bruises at all.

I think keeping in mind that our job is to set them up for independence when they go out into the world. My Mum left when I was a little girl and overnight, I had to begin caring for my Dad and younger brother. I never wanted any of my DC to have to feel like that and so I think I’ve over-parented as a result. That, coupled with the fact that I’ve been a SAHM for a long time, which I’ve taken too literally. My eldest DC is about to turn 16 and I think that by trying so hard to mother her, I’ve actually done her a disservice and she’s not as independent as she ought to be by now.

You have to know your children and give them their responsibilities accordingly.
DD is 17 now and had a lot less freedom than DS (7) when she was his age.
She was impressionable and easily led with less street smarts than my son, having said that he does not get the same freedom as some of his friends. I would not let him out alone with no adult supervision as we live next to a secluded wooded area, you still have to use common sense.

dropping them off close to school and letting them walk the rest with friends.

Oh goodness.. I'm still learning how to do this myself!
I feel I will forever be that annoying Mum fretting at the edge of the playground, gnawing at her nails & breaking into a sprint towards the play equipment every time her child approaches any apparatus which presents even the tiniest risk!
I think to be cautious is good, but it's getting that balance. I was allowed a lot of freedom growing up & I was fine. Sometimes it's just a case of luck & there isn't anything you can do about it.
I'm been heavily anxious & tried to protect my son from everything, but it hasn't stopped him having accidents, it's just made me really bad at handling them when they do happen!!

I thought I would grow out of checking on DD in the night, but she is 2 now and I still do I'm also very protective of her around other kids; I hope I can learn to let go a little as she gets older - she is very confident but so little! it's the hardest job for sure

I was very overcautios when she was little but as she has got older and shown me her personality and that she is sensible I've stepped back a bit. I like to teach her things and whilst she knows the oven is dangerous etc I want her to know it's ok to use with mummy. I've also started letting her go to sleepovers which was a big thing for me

I let my child lead. I stay near enough to help but once I can see she's safe and confident I allow her space. I always respond if she asks for help or for me to be closer

Reading this thread with interest- my DS is not quite 3 yet, so i don't have to worry about him playing out on his own/mobile phone dilemna just yet!
Whilst I'm happy to let my little lad explore, get muddy and take a few tumbles, my struggle with overprotectiveness comes when other children are around and not playing nicely...

AIBU to think the worst part of parenting is other people's kids....

Oh it's so hard!

My daughter is 9 and very sensible, however I find it really hard to let go - I am a massive worrier and catastrophise badly!! However, I force myself to give her little nuggets of independence despite being totally anxious about it - I NEVER let her see that I am anxious or worried and give her praise all the time.

At the moment she walks halfway home - I walk half the way with her and then give her the house keys and she practically runs home as she is desperate to for her independence now. I guess one day soon she'll walk the whole way.

We don't do our kids any favours by being over protective. It's a big scary wide world out there and all we can do is give our kids the tools to manage it as best they can.

I am a natural worrier but try not to project that off onto the children. I have always talked things through with them and encouraged them to think about their actions and possible consequences - so that they make good, sensible choices and keep themselves safe. On holiday this year I allowed them to go off to the playground on the site by themselves and to come back at a certain time - which was a big step for all of us. My son will go to senior school in less than 2 years time so I know I need to start letting the reins go with him and preparing him to be more independent, especially with travel.

I try to remind myself that my role is to be the teacher I can be & that often means helping my DD’s learn from mistakes.

Definitely about striking the balance between letting them take risks but not such big ones that they could do themselves major damage. Not sure I get the balance right - I flip between too permissive and too protective I think.

I was much more over protective with my first child DD1 than I am with my 3rd child DS2, I think he is much more rounded because we let him walk home from school on his own and allow him out as long as he tells us where he is going and who with and we tell him what time he has to be back.

My husband and I are opposites he’s worries, passes fear and panic onto my son and I am what he calls too lax in letting him get on with things. We probably balance each other out.

I am quite overprotective of my 2 but I am trying to be a bit more relaxed, DS now plays at the front of the house on his own but I am not prepared for him to be fully out of sight yet. Adventure wise I let them run loose (within reason), I don't mind them getting dirty and am trying to teach them that grazes/falls are all a part of growing up.

Use 'Practical Parenting ' tips.
Spend quality time with kids & let them discuss their day with you.
That way they know your there for them .

I'm not great at this- I hovered far too much with dc1 who was really nervous and slow with physical skills, so I backed right off second time round and dc2 has already broken an arm climbing... there must be a middle ground!

We got rid of our car when the children were 8 and 6. We live near the centre of a medium sized town and got used to walking everywhere. As a result, I wasn't too worried when they started walking to secondary school without me as they were already used to crossing roads carefully. That said, I'm glad we have mobile phones so we can keep in touch with them if they are late home.

Get them to order their own meal when eating out. Encourage them to speak direct to the waiter, rather than you doing it for them.

I think it is a hard world out there, and treating your children like little 'snowflakes' will not help their journey through life. It is so easy to do everything for them, fight their battles for them and helicopter parent them. School can be a hard place, especially if you are a 'small fish in a big pond'. I have tried to let go gradually, I walk my DC to the school, but let him walk to class on his own, and meet him outside school at the end of the day. I teach him to be kind, share, listen to others opinions, be able to negotiate, which will help him out of awkward situations, and possibly help him to help others. I let him play on the street, but he has boundaries, and knows not to go past a certain house, so I can see him when he is playing out. I have nieces and nephews who have been given gradual responsibility and freedom, and have been grounded when they done or gone anywhere they should not, they are now well rounded and grounded young people. I intend to take the same stance with my son.

I'm naturally anxious, so I have to persuade myself to let go and let God.

My DC is only 12 weeks, so I'm constantly still checking in the pram that he's still breathing!

I want to give my DC his own independence as he gets older, but I think I will always be lurking in the background to keep an eye on him.