Share with Dettol your tips for how to find the right balance between being there for your child and being over protective - £300 voucher to be won!NOW CLOSED

[EllieMumsnet]

Finding the balance between protecting your child and letting them have independence is something many parents find difficult. To kick off the launch of their ‘Protect Like a Mother’ campaign Dettol would like you to share with them you and your partners’ tips and experiences on how you find that oh so tricky balance.

Here’s what Dettol has to say: “We know that a mother’s protection of her child is unconditional and just like an animal in the wild, she will do whatever it takes to create a safe environment for her family. We provide mums with that same unconditional protection for the whole family throughout the home.”

Watch their new ‘Protect Like a Mother’ campaign video here

Do you ever wonder if YABU about leaving your child home alone? Do you and your partner have to stop yourselves from constantly checking in on your newborn when they’re sleeping? Did you give your child a mobile phone as a way of giving them some freedom but still being able to check up on them? At what age did you let your child go out by themselves? When do you let them solve their own problems?

Whatever your experiences/tips Dettol wants to know. Share them in the thread below and be in with the chance of winning a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck!

MNHQ

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I let my sons know that I am always here to talk should they need me as they become more independent. They know I care without having to be there all the time

Some one said to me that the whole thing about parenting is a gradual process of letting go. Sometimes they surprise you - my daughter was very motivated to scoot to school (which requires a degree of being responsible) and we fabricated a "scooter test" to take with various badges she could earn (eg scooting, steering, braking, listening!). That's given her confidence and also me in that she has proved she is relatively safe

I'm gradually learning not to step in and 'solve' my children's problems but instead to firstly sit with them and be there for them during their times of sadness / crisis. And then help THEM find a solution for themselves.

It's always been too easy to to step in and say I will sort things but that's not the right thing to do at times. Secondary school age is the age that I've backed off and started to talk through options with them rather than telling them that i'll deal with the problem.

I think gradually giving them more responsibility and freedom is the key. This is something that we are slowly working on at the moment, but are considering how much freedom and independence the kids want too (surprisingly not a lot).

We are encouraging them to feel more confident about doing things like paying for things in a shop and playing on the green next to our house.

I think you need to let go gradually, not all of a sudden.

I'm not sure I'm quite there yet, but I believe it's about encouraging our munchkins to show their independence and allow them to make their own mistakes. They have to learn somehow.

I have four children aged 22, 20, 18 and 11. I have definitely become less over protective with each child. A prime example is when each child was aged about 3 and enjoyed going to soft play areas. With DD1, I would hover the whole time, constantly making sure that nobody knocked into her or pushed in front of her. I was there, ready to help at the slightest sign that she couldn't manage something. However, with my second child, DS1 (my only son), I was far more relaxed. By the time he was 2-3, if he was playing in a soft play area, I felt I didn't need to watch him like a hawk. To be honest, if I heard crying, I would more likely be checking to see that he hadn't upset another child rather than the other way round, not that he was nasty, but he was quite clumsy and a large toddler.

Nowadays, my 3 elder children say I am far less protective over DD4 than I was when they were younger. It is probably true, but it isn't something I find easy to do. Even though three of my children are now adults, it doesn't stop the fear and worry. My DS, now aged 20 will often go out into town at the weekend. I never know when he will be home but have to trust that he will get himself home safely - I no longer wait up for him or ask him to say goodnight when he gets in - it is often 4am before he gets in and I can finally fall asleep before he is in. I leave a light on that he turns off when he gets in, so if I do wake up, I can tell whether or not he has returned home. I don't think I will ever stop being protective of my children - maybe when they leave home!

I think (and hope) that as your children get older, with the right parenting and probably a little luck, they need to be trusted to make the right choices with regards to safety and risk. If you make them fully aware of the dangers in your home, society and so on, then armed with this your children will hopefully be sensible enough to steer clear of any potential hazards.

I am very relaxed, some people including my parents think I am too relaxed. I let the kids (aged nearly 4 and 5.5 years) do quite a lot, I set boundaries and to be fair to them they are very good children , I think they have realised if they do silly/naughty things then I will be on them like a ton of bricks. I don't wrap them up in cotton wool and so far I have been rewarded with easy going kids who are very confident and know what is dangerous and what isn't.

"If you can get yourself onto the big climbing frame / big slide by yourself, you can go on the big climbing frame / slide. Have had to physically restrain myself from dashing in sometimes.

By giving them space to make their own decisions (even if they're mistakes) and allowing them to learn from them

Just trust your guts and as they become more responsible you can let go of the leash a little more. I always decided to follow what my own mother did since it worked for me and she learnt from her mother...

I suffer with anxiety regarding my youngest child, he's always been extremely accident prone, and always getting into scrapes. I find it hard now he's a teenager to let him have any freedom because he's so clumsy.
When I was growing up, my dad was ridiculously over-protective, I hated it, I was always the only one who wasn't allowed to participate in activities, I use my experience to balance out my fears for my son, I don't want him missing out on life-experiences because of my anxieties. I stop and think now, how I would have felt when I was his age.

I let DD (2) make mistakes and get little bumps and falls in a child-safe environment so she'll be better able to look after herself. Sometimes I really have to hold myself back when for example she's going to knock something over or pull something off a shelf accidentally... If the object isn't going to break and it won't injure her, I let her make the mistake so she learns about everyday physics and needing to pay attention.

I honestly feel that the media does not help mums and dads when parenting, with stories of cot deaths, child abduction, and paedophiles, it is so hard to let them go. However you have to let them have a childhood, and build their independence, talk stranger danger, road safety awareness. I am anxious when my DC is at school, but they have a good anti-bullying record, with older children acting as befrienders in the playground, and my DC has reported how they like this. I supervise and shadow when we go out to the park, and at play gyms. I have asked my DC to come to me if they feel upset, unsafe anywhere. I do not intend to give my DC a phone, or a social media account, as I feel whilst I can protect them outside, they cyber community of faceless keyboard warriors, trollers, and bullies is something which I am most anxious about.

You can't switch off the feeling of " i hope they're ok" but just give them a little freedom at the local park where you can still see them and let them interact with other children.

Every child is different and I think it's a case of knowing your child and watching them to see when they're ready to have more independence. I have started to let my daughter go to the shop on her own as it is only next door, in a few weeks I'll let her go to the Library on her own, then to the park and so on. Each time she'll need to be back when we have agreed to build up trust and to then be allowed to go again another time.

It's good to give children some independence as otherwise they'll rely on their parents too much.

My daughters are in their mid-teens now and desperate to become more independent. I admire their confidence (so different to myself at their age) and like the fact that they're not scared to make a bus or train journey that I would feel daunted by. My tip is to do it gradually - a short journey with a friend first of all. Mobile phones do make a difference, knowing that they can contact me if needed.

independence is essential in children and i encourage this. however, i have dedicated family time and i insist my daughters spend quality time with family on a sunday

This is a hard one for us as parents because our DD has SN and as she's getting older wants more independence. We have to really think about how to manage this without her ending up in a dangerous situation unable to help herself. The key so far has been to set up situations where she feels independent and in control but there is actually some support and a watchful trusted eye around! Not sure how long we can manage this for however.

I protect my DD by teaching her to take care of herself and encouraging independence gradually. For instance when it came to walking to school by herself we first practised the route during the summer together, then I would follow behind out of sight, and then finally she was ready to do it entirely by herself.

For my own peace of mind though, I make use of modern technology for reassurance so DD has a GPS tracker phone type thing (I, and other preset numbers, can call her, and she can press the alert button to let me know she wants me to call and I can see where she is on my phone). So the first time she walked to the local shop alone I watched the entire journey, same with when she first started walking to school, now I am more confident in her abilities I just use it to check she arrived at school on time/arrived home and to call her when its time to come home if she's playing out, and she uses it to contact me on her way home from school if plans change.

When she was a newborn though, I was constantly checking on her! I think that's something hardwired into most of us as they're so vulnerable at that age - the anxiety eases off as they get older.

I think it's all about building up their independence a little bit at a time. For instance, before ds could cross the road by himself, he was 'in charge' of us crossing the road so had to decide when it was safe and say why. Then he graduated to crossing quieter roads by himself

My little girl is only 3 months old and can feel myself being very overprotective. I think this just comes with motherhood. I try to not fear her firsts, from her first smile to her first step. Do not feel guilty!

Always give them enough space to excel in

Gradually increase their independence and level of trust that you give them. DD1 has a nut allergy and is at age now of wanting to go to sleepovers and my nerves are wrecked every time she goes. Initially I was ringing her every half an hour but I've gotten over that now and while I do check about 3 times when she is away I know myself that she can be trusted to be responsible with food etc.