Share with Dettol your tips for how to find the right balance between being there for your child and being over protective - £300 voucher to be won!NOW CLOSED

[EllieMumsnet]

Finding the balance between protecting your child and letting them have independence is something many parents find difficult. To kick off the launch of their ‘Protect Like a Mother’ campaign Dettol would like you to share with them you and your partners’ tips and experiences on how you find that oh so tricky balance.

Here’s what Dettol has to say: “We know that a mother’s protection of her child is unconditional and just like an animal in the wild, she will do whatever it takes to create a safe environment for her family. We provide mums with that same unconditional protection for the whole family throughout the home.”

Watch their new ‘Protect Like a Mother’ campaign video here

Do you ever wonder if YABU about leaving your child home alone? Do you and your partner have to stop yourselves from constantly checking in on your newborn when they’re sleeping? Did you give your child a mobile phone as a way of giving them some freedom but still being able to check up on them? At what age did you let your child go out by themselves? When do you let them solve their own problems?

Whatever your experiences/tips Dettol wants to know. Share them in the thread below and be in with the chance of winning a £300 voucher of your choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck!

MNHQ

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Different children need different approaches - I try to equip my children to cope with different situations using role playing play, explaining how to deal with different situations, who they can ask for help. I try to grade exposure to new situations so we both gain in confidence and build on success or small problems. I try to help them to understand things don't always go to plan and that problems are good because you can learn how to cope better next time or how to prevent the problem in the first place. Having said all that I am generally fairly anxious!

This is a difficult one because I am guilty of being over protective and worrying too much. I am trying to let go as she gets older and wiser, so it is getting easier with experience, naturally.

One of the hardest things to balance - you just have to try and see what works for your dc

By taking your child's lead

This is a really tricky balance. For me, the difficulties are not just about young children and physical safety, but for my teenagers too. How much to leave them to their own devices about homework (and risk they they don't do it)? How much to leave them alone with their mobile phones, how much to 'organise' them and how much not to. There aren't right answers, and the balance varies between my children. Sometimes I think I give enough distance, other times too little/too much proximity. One of the difficulties is compounded by teenagers saying 'leave me alone' when you know they need adult guidance or proximity. Oh if only there was a rule book on all this! One of the mantras I have, however, is that I can't always protect my children, but I can prepare them as much as possible for whatever life may throw at them. The more we prepare our children for independence - in small steps - the better.

Now that my second baby is 6 months old, I realise how over-bearing I was with my now six-year-old son. I was literally there constantly, ready to catch him when he fell. He still cries at the silliest things and I'm pretty sure that's my fault.
I've been a lot more relaxed with my second son and I'm not sure if it's down to personality but he only seems to cry when he's over-tired or hungry (or both!).

We did this gradually ...starting with him watching what was going on and then 'helping' ...then it was our turn to be there whilst he had a go on his own. Much depends on the child as to whether we give some independence or not.
As far as being independent outside was concerned ...again depends on the child but we always gave guidelines and strategies. When the time came for walking to school on his own I did it gradually ...walking half way and then letting him walk into school on his own.....when it came to do the whole journey on his own I surrepticiuously watched from afar!

Don't mollycoddle them when they cry, if you give in all the time they'll always get what they want. When Olivia hurts herself we try to take her mind off it & make her laugh & it usually works.

give them some freedom but make sure they know they can talk to you anytime

I don't think I am overprotective. If the kids are dirty in the garden so be it. It's my job to teach them but they also have to learn from mistakes. I trust the children for the ages they are at and whilst I don't let them juggle kitchen knives or swig from the chandeliers I am happy to keep an eye from the sidelines - after all.....I'm not dead and I was always out and about building dens, climbing trees etc.

It's very hard because there is so much more danger out there these days. Predators can travel around easier, and then you have the dangers around social media. I try to talk to my kids and encourage them to talk to me. As they get older I try and watch TV programmes/documentaries where they display dangers (such as the Asian child grooming gang) and then we discuss it afterwards.

I am overprotective about my kids being outside alone - well, it doesn't happen. (Ages 7 and 2). I don't think it's worth the risk (of being taken - it nearly happened to my sibling when we were kids, so perhaps that has skewed things for me, but I am not willing to chance it).
Dirt wise, I let them get as mucky as they like. Adventure wise (climbing up trees, BMX track, etc) - let them run wild. Bones mend!
They have age-appropriate freedoms/trust, and I encourage my eldest to learn from his own mistakes whilst still knowing I am there to help him if he needs me. But that I trust him to work things out for himself.

I am very over protective - I try to listen to my husband and am gradually beginning to give them more freedom!

I know I am over protective and I worry all the time about our son. I like to know where he is, who is with and what he is doing, but I realised I had to step back - the OH was always going on about how I needed to let go a bit more. Really our son is sensible, probably more sensible than myself!

I will admit when he was younger I was probably a bit cave woman on the protective side. I suppose the worst of it is the thoughts, in my mind I can easily think the worst about a lot of things, and the desire for a happy life for our son has always had a, i suppose, over reactive mean machine ready to stamp out any nastyness!

Over the years I have held back my feelings, and let him go and yes I still worry about him, but one of the things that I found helped now he is 16 - he put a tracking app thing on his phone, so I was able to see where he was on google map - which in a way was a good thing as at first I checked all the time, but then it wore off and I realised I was being a bit silly and how can I expect him to turn into a fully fledged adult ready for the real world if i keep trying to keep him in a bubble?

Its not easy, its really hard, but you have to treat your child like a cocooned caterpillar waiting to turn into a butterfly - hold it too close and you will crush it or injure it and it wont be able to fly free and make the most of life! My tip is to keep yourself extremely busy when you are not with your children - plan for it so you dont let the negative part of your mind take over - think butterfly! x

Let them explore things for themselves and encourage them to do little things by themselves if they want to. Just let them know you're always there for them. Try to boost their confidence so they know they can do things.

It's always hard to know how to get the balance right, I think you just have to see what the situation is and always be there for them if and when they need you.

Over the top caution can scare children unnecessarily and affect their confidence in their abilities to do things.. It's about assessing risk and allowing for flexibility.

It's hard but spending time away from you helps i.e at a friends house, at school, at a club etc

My 6 year old is just about to go on his first Beavers trip with either of us, a big step for both of us! Up til now he has always had a parent with him but now he is getting more responsible we are starting to let him do more.

I'm quite laid back generally, so long as they aren't doing anything dangerous I'm cool with them getting scuffs and bruises and building up their immune systems eating dirt and picking up snails ! They know if I step in they are doing something seriously wrong!!

Haven't got a glue because my opinion about 'balance' won't be the ex-wife's or yours, so I guess I make it up as I go along to be frank. Doesn't mean I don't care or treat my parenting role as a joke, I am a very dedicated dad, but the idea that I could be an expert at work and get the balance right there is as much as a folly as it is with my now more enjoyable role as a full time dad. I have however learnt from some of the commentors above and will try to incorporate there good ideas

Do new things in stages for example if they want to go to the shops on their own, the first time agree that they can go but you walk 100m behind them and then the next time they can go but they have to text you when they get there, then the next time they can do the whole thing alone. Building it up not only gives you as a parent that extra peace of mind but it gives the child that extra bit of support at the beginning to help build up their confidence.

Allow them to make mistakes and help them when they need it .

A mother's protection for her children will always be a natural instinct, but as your child grows you learn to let go slowly. My daughters are 31 and 33 and I like to know they're safe and they are very protective towards me too.

I think it comes naturally over time as they grow up. You protect your toddler far more than your teenager. The only time it wasn't so natural was when they wanted to start meeting up with their friends, aged about 11 or 12. I found then that they were ready before I was. But generally I seem to fit in with most parents. DD wanted aged 13 to go on a train to a big city shopping with friends, which I was uncomfortable with and said "no" even though I didn't want to spoil her growing independence, only to find that all the other parents had said "no" too!