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MNHQ

What are your thoughts about returning to work after having a baby? Tell Fairy Non Bio to win a £300 voucher NOW CLOSED

341 replies

JustineBMumsnet · 15/09/2017 10:45

As part of our partnership with Fairy Non Bio, we’ve produced the Mumsnet Babies Podcast. There are ten episodes in the series, and the ninth is about going back to work after having a baby. Fairy Non Bio would like you to listen to it here and share your thoughts and experiences on this thread.

How did you make the choice between staying at home or going back to work with a new baby? Do you consider your career an important part of your identity that you couldn’t bear to give up? Perhaps you’re happier at home with your children? Maybe your partner is better at domestic-life than you, making them the clear choice to be the primary stay-at-home-parent?

Perhaps the cost of childcare or the logistics of going back to work mean that being a stay-at-home-parent isn’t a choice for you? Or, is going back to work a necessity to afford day-to-day life?

Whatever your experience and thoughts about going back to work with a baby, post this below to be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

If you’d like to rate the Mumsnet Babies Podcast, please go to the iTunes store to add a review.

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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What are your thoughts about returning to work after having a baby? Tell Fairy Non Bio to win a £300 voucher NOW CLOSED
OP posts:
Fizzyxo · 02/10/2017 21:09

I'm lucky in that I don't have to work as DH makes enough. However, i know if I was in a tight position, i'd find something part time or home based as I loved being a stay at home mum.

I think the first 2 years of a child's life is crucial, but thats my opinion.

hibbertheather · 03/10/2017 00:05

I don't think there's any easy choice. Each family and their circumstances are different to the next, and what might work for you, may not work for the next person. You have to decide when is the right time for you and your family

Sammyislost · 03/10/2017 10:22

For both of my maternity leaves my company was going through a restructure and there were redundancies happening. Although I was safe both times, it did encourage me to have the full 12 months off work, even if it did mean I was unpaid for some of it, because I knew I was going back into a sad, and negative environment. It was difficult being at home and receiving letters about being made redundant (Although I was later told they couldn't make me redundant when I was on maternity leave).

Going back to work once things had settled back down was great, it meant I could talk to adults and feel like a grown up again rather than just someones mum. It really had a positive impact on my mental health too. Even though my best friends at work had left or been made redundant, I felt like I was doing what was right for me and my children.

NauticalDisaster · 03/10/2017 10:28

I found my workplace was not supportive of parents and I found it very hard. There was no understanding of easing back into full time work whilst my dc got used to nursery, no understanding of childhood sicknesses (even hospitalisation meant nothing), and no understanding of not wanting to work 50+ hours a week. There was no slack given to parents.

sofieellis · 03/10/2017 10:31

I never returned to work after having my babies. I simply couldn't afford childcare on my wages and had no family supprt around to help. I'm grateful for the time that I had at home when the kids were little, but now feel that I'm pretty much unemployable after having such a long time off work.

I'm lucky that my husband earns good money, but it was a struggle in the early days and I miss going out to work and meeting new people.

angiehoggett · 03/10/2017 10:45

I would love to go part-time but I'm not sure if that's financially do-able for us unfortunately

colleenw · 03/10/2017 10:55

I enjoy the 'me' time at work but miss my baby terribly when we're apart. I make up for it when I have a day off and do fun things and spend all day having cuddles and teaching her new things (she's 14 months) The weekends are all about family time and I do all housework and washing in the evenings so both my girls and husband don't miss out on going out and having fun with me.

bubbleybooboo · 03/10/2017 11:25

after my dd1 i went straight back into work and it worked well. she was looked after by her great grandparents and then started nursery which fit into my work pattern too which really helped.

when i had ds1 it was totally different. i tried working and he was looked after by my parents and then went to a nursery in the afternoon which my daughter also went to at that time. i felt like all i was working for was to pay nursery fees. it put strain on my relationship with my partner and we ended up separating. with the extra strain i had to give up my job.

grannybiker · 03/10/2017 11:42

In many ways I was lucky I di, at least, have the choice. We married young and had a baby in the 1st year, before I had any chance to establish a career, so was perfectly happy to stay at home. Once DC2 was at school I retrained / got a degree with the support of their Dad who'd take them out for the day when I had an assignment to write. Great for everyone concerned!
Eventually I qualified and worked full time as a teacher which meant I did, at least, have the holidays with our children. I was pretty knackered during term time tho'!

manfalou · 03/10/2017 11:53

I went back to work after DS1, he was 8 months old, I had to reduce my hours to part time, 3 days a week. At the time, my grandmas was able to locater him 1 day a week and he went to nursery the other two days. When I had DS2 my wages didnt cover the childcare for 2 children so I had to leave my job and become a stay at home mum. DS2 has just started full time school and I'm now trying to forge a career doing a job where I can work from home and around the kids school hours.

ITs been hard. Ive lost my identity as a person... Ive felt like 'Just a Mum' and I've cried, lots. And now the time has come to re-connect with work life I'm terrified! I keep thinking what on earth have i got to offer anyone now... I'll get through it, its just going to take some time. That 4.5 year gap where i haven't worked has set me back.

chezvic · 03/10/2017 14:42

I never considered not returning to work but I did only want to go back part-time. I've never seen the point in having children only to palm them off to a nursery and return to work full-time. However I don't knock anybody who does this/ has to do this - it is just my own personal view on my own circumstances. I was lucky enough to have my mum available to look after my daughter for the 3 days I went back to work. If she hadn't been available I think I would have seriously considered not returning to work at all until she was ready for pre-school. I feel she has benefitted more by being with grandparents rather than shoved in a nursery from 6 months old and I have benefitted by being able to return to my job, earn money and stay sane :-)

imustbemadme · 03/10/2017 20:55

I took a year off after DD1 and went back to work part time but I had terrible post natal depression so when I had DD2 I went back to work when she was 5 weeks old. Grandparents helped with childcare and my husband worked shifts so it wasn't a problem plus I don't do full time hours in my job. Some of the companies I worked for had creches where I could leave her for a while which was so helpful.

I think it's down to the individual mum and how she feels. I 'd have hated to have HAD to go back because of fear of losing my career.

PorridgeAgainAbney · 03/10/2017 21:05

I hated the idea of going back to work but actually it wasn't until I went back that I realised just how bad my PND was and how being back in a busy lively environment where I was interacting with adults and using my brain was exactly what I needed for the fog to start clearing.

BL0SS0M · 04/10/2017 00:46

I went back to work two years after my dd was born it wasn't too bad as id had so much one on one time with her and felt it was the right time to get back to work, however Ive just had a new baby and dreading returning this time.

StandUnderMyUmbrella · 04/10/2017 10:55

I had a great career which i decided to leave after my maternity leave as I didn't feel that the long hours and types of shifts were suitable and I didn't want to be away from my baby for so long.

I decided to go back to work in a different establishment and a complete change when my daughter was 6 months old but only part-time and the hours were much better.

Cost and money wasn't important to us at the time, fortunately, but maybe in a different situation, it would have been and my path would have been slightly different.

I really enjoyed staying at home with my family as much as possible and definitely sacrificed my career to do this, but no regrets and i'm glad i did!

ThatsPoker · 04/10/2017 11:15

I remember really panicking and asking my mum what would I do when I had to go back to work after having my first baby. She said not to worry, and things will work themselves out, which is what happened, but not in the ideal way.

When my baby was 6 months old, my husband was rushed to emergency surgery - a disc had popped out of his back. 7months later, my husband was unable to do his skill labour job, but he wasable to take care of our lg, so off i went back to work, terrified. The decision to go back to work was made for me.

My job was also very much a part of my identity - I was the girl who worked at this cool place, it was ingrained in me, this job I had was a privilege, - so not going back had never actually occurred to me.

Then with my second child, I was made redundant and my World was flipped upside down. I loved being with my second child, but I craved work, my own money, I felt i'd lost my independence, and my baby was tethered to me constantly.

But as my mum said, it is funny how things work out. Cause they just happened to perfectly. I got a part time job, so have a good balance of kids and work. I will always need to work for the income, but have a good thing going on with the work/life balance.

rocketriffs · 04/10/2017 14:23

I made the decision to stay home with my baby because it's a special time. I am in a lucky position where I can work from home, so it doesn't affect my household income. If I had to leave home for work, I think I would go back when baby had reached 12 months.

rejcomp · 04/10/2017 16:35

Yep, I'd definitely go back to work and leave the baby with the "bear"...

hbakfam · 04/10/2017 16:37

I think there needs to be flexible maternity/paternity leave so that new parents can use it how they wish

katieskatie82 · 04/10/2017 18:07

i was really worried about returning to work, i ended up going back part time not full time

Sarah250187 · 04/10/2017 21:34

I ended up changing my job to a evening job so could spend the early years with little one instead of going back to full time work in retail- best decision I made! Had 4 amazing years watching him grow.

Smellophant87 · 04/10/2017 22:48

I went back to work when my eldest was 10 months, it was daunting at first because I felt guilty about leaving my son but I love my job and we quickly settled in to a good routine for us. I plan to do the same with my second who is currently a month old, I don't feel as worried this time around.

lolamia91 · 04/10/2017 23:13

The thought of leaving them for the first 3 years breaks my heart - once sociable I would like to put them into nursery then school but I would like to be there to drop them off or pick them up!

matphil · 05/10/2017 00:14

I choose to stay home as I had no family to help out and I wasn't happy leaving them with anyone else. I was happy to stay at home with them as I enjoyed being with them each day.

TiggersAngel7774 · 05/10/2017 06:49

You must do what is financially best for your family.
I am a stay at home mum I would rather cut back on luxuries than miss out. But not everyone has the luxury of that choice