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MNHQ

What are your thoughts about returning to work after having a baby? Tell Fairy Non Bio to win a £300 voucher NOW CLOSED

341 replies

JustineBMumsnet · 15/09/2017 10:45

As part of our partnership with Fairy Non Bio, we’ve produced the Mumsnet Babies Podcast. There are ten episodes in the series, and the ninth is about going back to work after having a baby. Fairy Non Bio would like you to listen to it here and share your thoughts and experiences on this thread.

How did you make the choice between staying at home or going back to work with a new baby? Do you consider your career an important part of your identity that you couldn’t bear to give up? Perhaps you’re happier at home with your children? Maybe your partner is better at domestic-life than you, making them the clear choice to be the primary stay-at-home-parent?

Perhaps the cost of childcare or the logistics of going back to work mean that being a stay-at-home-parent isn’t a choice for you? Or, is going back to work a necessity to afford day-to-day life?

Whatever your experience and thoughts about going back to work with a baby, post this below to be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

If you’d like to rate the Mumsnet Babies Podcast, please go to the iTunes store to add a review.

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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What are your thoughts about returning to work after having a baby? Tell Fairy Non Bio to win a £300 voucher NOW CLOSED
OP posts:
honeyandginger48 · 25/09/2017 18:52

I went back to work part-time after 6 months when my first child was 6 months old. I found it very difficult to return to work - I no longer enjoyed my job and really missed looking after my son. My son went to a nursery and it seemed as though most of my salary went on nursery fees, travelling to work etc. In the end I made the decision (with the agreement of my OH) to give up work and become a stay at home mum. It was a struggle financially but the right decision for me. I went back to work when my youngest child was 4. I now work full time and love it.

JemIsMyNameNooneElseIsTheSame · 25/09/2017 19:07

For me, returning part time was the best of both worlds. I was lucky enough to find a great nursery locally, but the cut in wages certainly took some adjusting to.

WineGummyBear · 25/09/2017 19:57

I love my working days. 3 mornings a week I take my boys (6 and 1) to school and nursery. It's hectic getting out but we all have a spring in our step and a fulfilling day ahead.

At the end of the day I leave work beaming because I'm so excited to see my lovely big boy and so excited to hear about his day. Then we are both so excited to collect the baby from nursery and he's thrilled to see us too.

And then we are all overjoyed to see daddy!

Everyone has a fulfilling day and we have happy reunion at the end.

PS it's not always this idyllic. Today was, but we have some grumpy miserable days too. Ups and downs innit?!

windowmouse · 25/09/2017 20:09

I am taking a year maternity leave and then I will be going back to work because we need the money and I don't want to give up my career. I will go back full time but I can work from home on 2 days a week when my mum will look after my son. Thankfully this isn't until July next year so I have some time.

CherriesInTheSnow · 25/09/2017 20:22

Maybe your partner is better at domestic-life than you, making them the clear choice to be the primary stay-at-home-parent?

This is for sure they case with us! I went back to work after 1 year with DD and will go back after 10 months with DS due in November. I have been lucky enough to have a very flexible employer who has accepted my work pattern requests so far; fingers crossed it will happen again next August!

I definitely feel more guilty this time around as I feel I "owe" it to them to be full time, but actually I'm not a commodity, I'm a human being with small children who's wellbeing relies on me and my partner.

WhosTakingDeHorseToFrance · 25/09/2017 22:11

I've been lucky and we've been able to make ends meet with me as a SAHP. The cost of childcare for the hours and nature of my previous work would outweigh any earnings. As the kids get older I'm questioning my role and have considered returning to work. I think whatever you do you're always going have to weigh up the benefits work would give you vs the effect on your family life. I'm not sure I'm at that weighing up point yet.

NeverTwerkNaked · 25/09/2017 22:37

I went back to work part -time when my son was 7 months. I would have liked to have had longer with him but when this job came up i knew it would allow me flexibility throughout his childhood so I jumped at the chance. It was hard handing him over to begin with, but I loved the nursery so much. He loved going there and I never took my time with him for granted. And now I can juggle quite a high-powered job with being at the school gate 4 days out of 5 and it totally feels worth it.

MiddleClassProblem · 26/09/2017 03:38

I can't afford to go back to work yet and I miss it dearly, having a place where I can be an adult and be that other side of me that I used to be all the time. As we don't have anyone who can babysit either or any local friends, I don't get to see that me very often.

cwalliss82 · 26/09/2017 05:05

Sadly, I had to return to work after having my DCs. Took 9 months maternity leave each time but my work were very flexible in my hours and I couldn't have done it without the help of both my parents and my husbands parents helping out with child care.

IceCreamIScream · 26/09/2017 14:37

With DC1 I started a small freelance job that I could do at home when she was four months old as I found motherhood lonely and felt my brain was turning to mush. It was great and I took DC1 to all my meetings (with approval!) and it was great fun. It was a weirdly good ice breaker. However, I realise that job wasn't making me happy so changed career to something quite demanding but in a good company for working parents and started full time work when DC1 was 15 months. I loved my job and my DC and didn't feel a moments guilt about going back to work at all. I was so much happier than being at home the whole time. Although it was a logistical nightmare with childcare.

With DC2 I'm about to return to work when she is 10 months. I'll be honest, I'm feeling massively guilty that I won't be able home as long as I was with DC1, but I've been able to negotiate part time work for a few months. I'm both excited and nervous about going back. But ultimately feel it's important to work so that I can carve out a new decent career for myself and my DCs. I want to be a good role model for them and prove to them (and the people that doubted me!) that a career change at my stage in life was the best thing for us all.

I really thought with DC1 that I'd want to be a SAHM and we budgeted for it, but I just hated it!

kkhimji · 26/09/2017 18:52

its nice to get back into work routine

Shireslass · 26/09/2017 19:03

I went back as I am the higher earner. My husband works part time( on my days off)
It is lovely that he gets to spend quality time with our baby but I do get jealous!
I find that I need to make every moment we have special.
The routine of work is good as we are forced to be organised!

Dormouse1940 · 26/09/2017 20:21

I was absolutely torn apart about going back to work, but had no choice. DS was nearly 11 months old... I couldn't afford to go back to my old job as it didn't pay enough to cover the childcare! Couldn't find anything part time due to childcare costs.... so I got a new job.
Which was quite good, I even got promoted after a year and was the first time I'd ever been supported and encouraged to progress in the workplace. More importantly, DS ADORED nursery.
But full time hours and a commute everyday didn't leave much of a family balance.

Due to relocation, I've recently become a SAHM to DS, now nearly 3. Wow is that a big change to adjust to. I get that I am very lucky but why oh why can't I achieve a balance?!

Before, I had not enough time with my little one, now I don't have any time away from him and I'm not used to not earning my own money nor having outside interests... I'd LOVE a part-time job but can't seem to find anything suitable and it's getting me down a bit...

Rigbyroo · 26/09/2017 20:54

I probably would have been better if financially not going back to work but I felt I needed to keep my career open. I always imagined I would be a sahm but it didn't happen. Possibly would have done if it wasn't for debt, mainly went back to pay off debts.

Wheresmytaco · 27/09/2017 09:13

Why does Fairy Non Bio want to know my thoughts on this? Hmm

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 27/09/2017 10:43

I've just gone back to work after the birth of DS1 (10m). I'm enjoying having adult company/conversation and a break from the baby and using my brain again, but it's definitely hard. I'm constantly wondering if its the right thing for him, especially when he clung to me and cried when I dropped him off this week, but he's only in childcare 2 days as I work part time so I get most of the week with him. I think the worst thing is that he doesn't sleep through the night so I am tired at work a lot, so probably not doing my best work yet!

deliadah · 27/09/2017 12:28

Still miss my babe but i have to work to earn a living. Hope I can handle the things.

flozza42 · 27/09/2017 14:11

For me it was a case of having to go back to work after having my children as financially with a mortgage to pay I couldn't not work and luckily I had family to help with childcare . I am glad I did as you can have a career and be a great mum too!

PastryOnMyMind · 27/09/2017 16:59

currently going through the process of getting back to work after having DD. 15 months on! would be 14 months but DBS is taking a while.
spent so much time umming and ahhing about leaving her at a nursery. about the cost. working out how realistic it was for me to work and us be better off once childcare was paid. the worry that shed miss me.
but it turns out I probably miss her more. it's nice to feel like somebody other than "Mum"
I love being Mum, I love the cuddles the kisses the firsts. all of it. but I love to be me too, and being back at work means that you aren't Mum for a while. you're not seen as "so and so' s Mum" you're called by your real name, no baby talk. no nursery rhymes and it feels like a break. it makes you realise how much you love your child too, you miss them so much it hurts but I think If I didn't work, i would lose my sanity! I waited so long so that I knew she would be ok without being breastfed in the day and wouldn't starve. and she is! makes time with your children and partner much more special. less arguments about who does more because you're both doing equal work in and out of the house. it's better and healthier all around, for our family anyway.

clopper · 27/09/2017 20:04

I had to go back at 15 weeks due to financial difficulties. I felt terrible about it initially but now coming up to retirement I'm glad that I have paid into a pension.

juju3 · 27/09/2017 20:50

The most difficult thing to do in the world - easier to lower your lifestyle

AlakazamAlakazoom · 27/09/2017 20:58

I've gone back part time after a full year maternity leave - still find it a juggle but if I can possibly keep my career going & my qualifications current I will - I think it will be important for me in years to come

kittykomp · 27/09/2017 21:24

It isn't easy but it can be done

Gazelda · 27/09/2017 21:56

I went back to work FT when DD was 8mo. I found it very difficult and was fortunate that we could afford for me to change to PT hours.
I now work in an industry that is low paid, but that is very flexible.

firawla · 27/09/2017 23:05

I’m self employed and work from home which had the benefit of not needing to “go back” I can just scale up the amount of work I do, although it’s not always easy juggling that around a baby