Funny things - good and bad - you'd only know about if you're a parent: share with Arla Big Milk for a chance to win a £300 Love2Shop voucher - NOW CLOSED!

[AngelieMumsnet]

Parenting is a joyful, but occasionally exasperating experience, with pride and happiness frequently intermingled with tears, tantrums and toddler meltdowns.

Arla Big Milk have asked us to find out about your funny (even if only in retrospect!) 'Oh God' moments of parenting - here’s what they say:

"Being a parent comes with its ups and downs and getting your little one the nutrients they need isn’t always easy. That’s why Arla Big Milk has been developed to specifically meet the needs of growing children from ages one to five*, enriched with essential nutrients to help support children’s growth and development as part of their balanced diet and healthy lifestyle. Arla Big Milk ‘helping your little ones become big ones’."

So what snigger-worthy woes or wonders have you experienced as a parent? Has your newborn ever 'surprised' you with an unexpected and well-aimed wee? Perhaps your child has channelled their inner Picasso with crayon marks all over the wallpaper? Have you ever had to brave a completely irrational meltdown at the supermarket that (in hindsight ) makes you laugh? Whatever your stories are, Arla Big Milk would love to hear them.

Everyone who comments on this thread will be entered into a prize draw where one lucky Mumsnetter will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher!

Thanks and best of luck,

MNHQ

Standard Insight T&Cs apply

*The Department of Health recommends that children at the age of one move onto fresh whole cows’ milk and that their diets are supplemented with additional Vitamin, A, D and Iron

Dd 2 aged 18 months got into the kitchen and put a varnished wooden book in the microwave and closed the door which started it up.

I learned that varnished books in microwaves produce an awful lot of toxic white smoke and that firemen are lovely and helpful.

When DD was about 3, she got a crayon and drew all over the flat screen tv. Another time she got 2 packets of wet wipes and took every single one out, all 180 of them. Both times I was home, but trying to work and thought she was quietly playing! She coloured all over the tv a second time as well!

Kids ability to break stuff never ceases to amaze. My printer stopped working. I tried everything. When I finally bought a new printer, I turned the old one upside down when disposing of it, only to find 5 smarties, 2 pens, an Elsa doll shoe and 2 wooden coins, which had been rammed inside it completely out of sight. I think that might have been the problem all along.

Not directly the DC's fault, more my lack of concentration due to baby antics or sleep deprivation. I have scratched and dented both panels on the side of my car while parallel parking with a screaming baby in the back. And I've left for work in my slippers, getting to the train before I realised.

5 litres of cooking oil poured onto a floor is very difficult to clean up.

My DS is going through a phase of choosing what accessories he leaves the house in at 7.30am to go to the childminders. At the minute it is Christmas specs and last week it was those lovely little slippers over his socks with his trousers on.

A few weeks after bringing DD home from the hospital she looked straight in my eyes, flashed a winning smile, and pooed, wee-d and threw up simultaneously. I learnt you can't own too many Muslim cloths.

Oh my goodness. *muslin clothes. DYAC.

Children can be hilarious but they can also say things at the most inappropriate times.

A recent example was DD asking if a man had a baby in his tummy.

My 9 year old was wailing in bed last week that it Wasn't Fair. That he didn't have anyone to cuddle in bed, he was lonely at night, and it was Years until he could have someone to cuddle at night. Not actually a lot I could do about that one!

Christmas Eve is not the time to 'get ready for summer' by applying vicks to your face and eye area in particular. It smarts. In fact, no day is ever the time to do this. Age 3 and 4, seriously.

Never realised you would need the patience of mother Teresa and the negotiating skills of Kofi Anan just to get them to eat tea/ get dressed/ clean their teeth.

When they are learning to talk it can be embarrassing if they can't pronounce certain letters properly yet - in the post office when I said 'say thank you to the nice man' - she duly did but it came out sounding more like' 'F**k you' so I had to apologise but thankfully the man saw the funny side!

My DS is going through a raspberry blowing phase. Just as well he's already got the rest of the church congregation wrapped around his chubby little finger! I've also learned how to successfully pass off my farts as DS's

I have one of those Dummy clips.. they are a very big help when out and about as my 6 month old baby drops and throws her dummy several times at home and loads of trips to the kitchen for me to sterilise it!

DS was a couple of months old and DH had taken him upstairs to change him in the nursery. I heard an almighty yell and a crash and a desperate shout for help. I leapt upstairs (I swear I did the entire flight in about two bounds), with my heart in my mouth thinking DS had fallen from the changing table. Turns out that DS had decided to do an explosive poo mid-change and showered DH with it. The sight of DS laying angelic and oblivious with DH splattered with poo, combined with the huge relief that no harm had to come to anyone had me practically rolling on the floor with laughter.

my 3yr old son is very mischievous - when I catch him doing something (like pinching chocolate buttons from the fridge) he looks me in the eye very sincerely and says, 'Sorry mummy, I didn't know I was going to do that!'

It's hard telling him off while trying not to laugh...

I've learnt that asking a 4 year to brush his teeth not wash his hands results in a tantrum.

I have learnt that a brand new baby boy doing a water sprinkler impression on your DH, catching his glasses, top, jeans, feet, the carpet, loo roll and a stray book is not quite the funniest thing in the world.

That's when he waits til the squealing and panicking has stopped and the worst of the wee has been mopped up to top it off with a high-pressure expulsion of all of his meconium in one burst. On DH.

I ripped a stitch

dh accidentally taught my 18mnth old that 'fuck sake' means 'I'd rather not have my nappy changed right now' cue 'time to change your nappy now', 'fucksake, fucksake'....

Some things I've experienced as a parent so far:
projectile vomit / snot / wee in my hair & face (separate occasions)
various food substances splattered over the floor / wall / furniture
a range of non-clothes items in the washing machine including a plastic Smurf and a Peppa Pig toy
numerous 'wrestling' encounters when trying to get DS into his car seat / pram or trying to change his nappy
100m sprint when DS legs it expectantly in the opposite direction

....

Putting a baby with diarrhoea in a jumperoo is the worst idea ever - the dog however loved it.

I have learnt that I am wasting my breath asking my 5 year old son to 1) lift the seat whilst standing to wee and 2) flush the toilet after he has used it.

I feel it maybe a life long battle

I have learned that:

1. Once the tune from Frozen is in your head t is impossible to get it out again.
2. A child's observations on the aroma of members of the public cannot be suppressed until they are out of earshot.
3. Milky mushed up shreddies set harder than concrete.

DS was always keen to get in the bathroom. One morning, he'd got up very early (4.30am) so was cuddled in my bed, DH had forgotten to close the bathroom door so, DS (14mths at time) took the chance when I dozed and sneaked in. I heard splashing and went in to find him standing in the toilet! He was trying to get out but couldn't. I just put him straight in the shower which he was not happy about! Sadly hasn't stopped him trying to get in there, or climbing, or stopped DH leaving the toilet seat/lid up! Makes me laugh when thinking about it tho, his sad/guilty/confused face :)