Funny things - good and bad - you'd only know about if you're a parent: share with Arla Big Milk for a chance to win a £300 Love2Shop voucher - NOW CLOSED!

[AngelieMumsnet]

Parenting is a joyful, but occasionally exasperating experience, with pride and happiness frequently intermingled with tears, tantrums and toddler meltdowns.

Arla Big Milk have asked us to find out about your funny (even if only in retrospect!) 'Oh God' moments of parenting - here’s what they say:

"Being a parent comes with its ups and downs and getting your little one the nutrients they need isn’t always easy. That’s why Arla Big Milk has been developed to specifically meet the needs of growing children from ages one to five*, enriched with essential nutrients to help support children’s growth and development as part of their balanced diet and healthy lifestyle. Arla Big Milk ‘helping your little ones become big ones’."

So what snigger-worthy woes or wonders have you experienced as a parent? Has your newborn ever 'surprised' you with an unexpected and well-aimed wee? Perhaps your child has channelled their inner Picasso with crayon marks all over the wallpaper? Have you ever had to brave a completely irrational meltdown at the supermarket that (in hindsight ) makes you laugh? Whatever your stories are, Arla Big Milk would love to hear them.

Everyone who comments on this thread will be entered into a prize draw where one lucky Mumsnetter will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher!

Thanks and best of luck,

MNHQ

Standard Insight T&Cs apply

*The Department of Health recommends that children at the age of one move onto fresh whole cows’ milk and that their diets are supplemented with additional Vitamin, A, D and Iron

When DD was about 6 months old DH was changing her nappy and decided to pick her up and blow rasberries on her belly then lift her in the air. She was laughing and so was he. Then all of a sudden she starts to pee on him. Needless to say his mouth was still open from laughing and well I'm sure you know what happened.

Back in the day when I was still trying to develop my career alongside having an ever- growing brood, I wouldn't let the kids touch me in the morning after I was 'suited and booted' as it was too embarrassing trying to explain weetabix smeared on my clothes.
One morning, DD1 called to me that DD2 had for once successfully used her potty..'it's a number 2, Mummy, it's a number 2!!'
Cue mad dash to get downstairs to child on potty. Unfortunately, DD3, just crawling then, got there first and popped a malteser shaped piece of poo in her mouth. Cue gagging and retching (me and DD1 and 3) and mad laughter (DD2). I still shudder. When I got to work and a childless colleague heard the story, she told me I was the best contraceptive she had ever had...

That you can never leave the house with too much "stuff"!
That afternoon naps are a godsend (for both parties!)
That you can change a nappy downstairs rather than walking up the stairs EVERY time I needed to change nappy as that's where the changing station was! I was amazed when I visited a friend and her changing station was DOWNSTAIRS!

DS appeared at my side in the kitchen with a cheery "Look, Mummy, Batman." He had done a wonderful job of colouring himself black - face, arms, legs. I learned:

Lock permanent markers up until they are at least 10.
Permanent marker, expertly applied, resists baby wipes, soap, bubble bath, shampoo, Fairy Liquid, etc. and comes off in it's own time.
You make a lot of friends in the supermarket when shopping with a child who has coloured himself in.

DS used to be very shy when younger but started to open up. DH told family members that if he didn't do anything whilst being held onto that meant he was comfortable ie. he liked the person. DH held him once and DS kicked up a fuss and started vomiting. Everyone was giggling as it didn't come out the way he expected lol.

Baby wipes are vital for years! Spare clothes are also useful - even after the being sick/ leaky nappy and potty training stage there's always a chance of having juice spilled down a full outfit or not being quick enough to stop them jumping/stomping in a muddy puddle. (Peppa pig has a lot to answer for!)

Also, toddlers can be encouraged to sit still and quietly for a while if you have enough of the right snacks and drinks with you!

Something only parents seem to do - sniff bottoms to check for smells of poo in nappies. Doesn't matter where we are i have often lifted baby up into the air for that sniff.

Then gradually learnt to change a nappy anywhere - literally anywhere - when you have to.

How to change a nappy of a wriggling baby on my lap in public in less than a minute.
When potty training a toddler to be prepared!!!!
To trust my instincts
That 1 small person can bring so much joy into another's life

If there is one muddy puddle in an entire park a toddler will discover it and manage to cover most of their bottom half within seconds.

The smallest amount of car sick gets everywhere. With two children who get car sick on long journeys we always travel with disposable nappy mats on the car seats, a spare in a bag with a bundle of spare clothes and lemons to cut to get rid of the smell in the car.

When in public toilets with a 3 year old projecting in their boomy, echoey voice 'are you doing a wee or a poo? Have you got any blood? Do you need any help wiping?' Please stop, please stop!!!

Life with a threenager is always fun... But challenging! It's those moments when you have to count to 10 and remind yourself that you mustn't argue with a child. However, it's the irrational logic of child which drives you to melting point: like when he cried as if the workd was ending because the beans fell off his toast. Seriously!? I wish that was my only problem!!

I've learnt that just because your daughter is adamant she doesn't want you to take her scooter when you pick her up from the childminder, it doesn't mean there won't be a 15 minute tantrum on the doorstep when you turn up without it.

I can clean my whole flat with baby wipes

I've learnt to never let them watch a single episode of Paw Patrol unless you want to watch, sing, read and play nothing but Paw Patrol for the rest of your life.

Only as a parent do you realise that as the Inuit have 70 words for snow, babies need 70 words for poo

My DD1 (age 5) is such a character. She just gets these 'ideas' in her head and acts on them - she made secret drawings on her wall by her bed, just below where her duvet sits. When I asked her why she did it she said "Mummy, it wasn't me it was my imagination!" I had no answer to that! She also made me laugh the other day. We were talking about God and how there were other types of god - Muhammed, Allah, Buddha etc - to which she added "and Father Christmas?" - bless her!

We were having a new bathroom installed when my son was about 2. The sink had been removed leaving the long pipe there waiting for the new one to be placed on top. My son went and 'posted' a screwdriver down it, falling all the way to the bottom where the pipe went under the floorboards... Daddy went mad and my son just said 'tools to help'!

It is funny' that the most exquisite moment can be when you find yourself parked at softplay - but kids are asleep in car and you have a flask of coffee and their biscuits. And mumsnet. Funny how prekids that would've felt sad: now it's about the best thing of my day. Plus it's raining outside. Boom.

We learnt not to leave a tub of Vaseline within reach of small children, and that it's very difficult to clean it off walls and upholstery.

I learnt the hard way that if my daughter wakes up early Saturday morning she will not be going back to sleep...but she will also not tell you she needs a poo. This was when she was potty training...her room had gone silent so I walked in to check on her and she was trying to wipe her poo bum with...a beach ball :S

She had pooed on her potty but didn't ask for help afterwards.

There was just so SO MUCH poo

You only understand the rare peace and luxery of going to the toilet by yourself if you have toddlers. DC3 is due soon and I estimate at least 4 more years of accompanied toilet trips ahead of me :)

I have learnt that my body can produce miracles and that I can do things I never thought possible:-

• I am miraculous- my four DC's are here despite terrible odds.
• I am a multi-tasker- I can cook a meal, whilst ironing uniforms, helping with homework and consoling a sobbing toddler.
• I am resilient- I can change a disgusting nappy anywhere, then happily eat a meal without a second thought.
• I am a protector-Like a fierce lioness, no-one messes with my babies! If they suffer, I suffer.
• I am resourceful- I can make a costume out of anything with less than 24hrs notice.
• I am highly skilled- in the arts of dispute reconciliation, reverse psychology, food shopping, (mum taxi) driving and speed packing.
• I have super powers! - as far as my kids are aware, I am all-seeing, all-hearing and all-knowing!

Despite all the noise, mess and fuss, childhood goes too fast....,.

I have learned that babies and toddlers can remember the most random of things and repeat them FOREVER. My DD has been singing the tune to Happy Birthday To You since she was 9 months old. I have no idea where she got it from - no birthdays around the time she started singing it. Either way, she's almost two now and I'm still treated to a rendition at least twice a day.

I have learnt that when your child voms in your bed you have to catch it in your hands